Alert other parents re their kid’s texts?

[Anonymous]

We monitor our 12 year old’s phone activity. He knows we do - it’s not a secret or a big deal. He’s on one big group text with 10 or 12 other boys. One kid is trying to get the others together to “get this bully”. Everyone is ignoring him so it doesn’t sound like there is a plan afoot to “get” this other kid. I know the kid initiating - he’s dramatic and a big talker but has never been known to get into fights or do anything violent. My kid doesn’t think this kid is being targeted by the bully kid. We know the parents well - should we say something?

[Anonymous]

No. This is how 12 yo boys talk. You said yourself, this kid isn’t know for violence or fights. He probably thinks he’s standing up for the kids getting bullied. Ask your son what the deal is.

[Anonymous]

I did when one threatened to commit suicide on his birthday the next day. Parents response—“oh he does that. Just tell your child to ignore them” I was horrified. Not something I would ever tell my child to do—ignore a suicide threat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did when one threatened to commit suicide on his birthday the next day. Parents response—“oh he does that. Just tell your child to ignore them” I was horrified. Not something I would ever tell my child to do—ignore a suicide threat.

That’s different than vague blowhard statements. I wouldn’t tell in OP’s case.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should. It's a threat. You'd do them a favor. Another parent might go to the school and then it becomes more serious. What if a child get assaulted? Do your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We monitor our 12 year old’s phone activity. He knows we do - it’s not a secret or a big deal. He’s on one big group text with 10 or 12 other boys. One kid is trying to get the others together to “get this bully”. Everyone is ignoring him so it doesn’t sound like there is a plan afoot to “get” this other kid. I know the kid initiating - he’s dramatic and a big talker but has never been known to get into fights or do anything violent. My kid doesn’t think this kid is being targeted by the bully kid. We know the parents well - should we say something?

My kid was the victim of one of these texts. Just one of the kids on the text hatched a plan to get back at him. The amount of pain that kid caused our child and our family is impossible to describe and will just be belittled here. He found out about the plan. He found out about the text. He also ended up the victim of a pretty horrible situation because one kid decided to to heed the call. We are getting our son help to process it all and the therapist said tweens and teens are out of control and the level of cruelty he is hearing about these days is off the chart. Please do your part to stop this. One sick kid took things too far and our child was contemplating suicide because his acts were just that awful. Our son has never struggled with depression before. Please let the parents know or contact the school. This is not OK. This is not healthy. This is not boys will be boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We monitor our 12 year old’s phone activity. He knows we do - it’s not a secret or a big deal. He’s on one big group text with 10 or 12 other boys. One kid is trying to get the others together to “get this bully”. Everyone is ignoring him so it doesn’t sound like there is a plan afoot to “get” this other kid. I know the kid initiating - he’s dramatic and a big talker but has never been known to get into fights or do anything violent. My kid doesn’t think this kid is being targeted by the bully kid. We know the parents well - should we say something?

My kid was the victim of one of these texts. Just one of the kids on the text hatched a plan to get back at him. The amount of pain that kid caused our child and our family is impossible to describe and will just be belittled here. He found out about the plan. He found out about the text. He also ended up the victim of a pretty horrible situation because one kid decided to to heed the call. We are getting our son help to process it all and the therapist said tweens and teens are out of control and the level of cruelty he is hearing about these days is off the chart. Please do your part to stop this. One sick kid took things too far and our child was contemplating suicide because his acts were just that awful. Our son has never struggled with depression before. Please let the parents know or contact the school. This is not OK. This is not healthy. This is not boys will be boys.

And for the record, the kid who sent the text was the bully. it is common for bullies to play the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. This is how 12 yo boys talk. You said yourself, this kid isn’t know for violence or fights. He probably thinks he’s standing up for the kids getting bullied. Ask your son what the deal is.

What is wrong with you? No, this is not how emotionally healthy boys talk.

[Anonymous]

Mind your own business you obviously control your own chid and now want to control someone else’s. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mind your own business you obviously control your own chid and now want to control someone else’s. Just stop.

A tween has entered the chat.

You are the adult. You are part of a community. It's the adults who help the tweens grow into decent, empathetic people. This is not normal. Your kid could be targetted next. Many tweens and teens right now are struggling with mental health and are not behaving in rational and healthy ways. Yes, be the grown up and intervene. How will you feel if something happens to the "bully." Usually victims of bullies by the way don't have 12 friends to text for revenge. It's the kids who struggle who get targetted. Be the adult and protect a young person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We monitor our 12 year old’s phone activity. He knows we do - it’s not a secret or a big deal. He’s on one big group text with 10 or 12 other boys. One kid is trying to get the others together to “get this bully”. Everyone is ignoring him so it doesn’t sound like there is a plan afoot to “get” this other kid. I know the kid initiating - he’s dramatic and a big talker but has never been known to get into fights or do anything violent. My kid doesn’t think this kid is being targeted by the bully kid. We know the parents well - should we say something?

My kid was the victim of one of these texts. Just one of the kids on the text hatched a plan to get back at him. The amount of pain that kid caused our child and our family is impossible to describe and will just be belittled here. He found out about the plan. He found out about the text. He also ended up the victim of a pretty horrible situation because one kid decided to to heed the call. We are getting our son help to process it all and the therapist said tweens and teens are out of control and the level of cruelty he is hearing about these days is off the chart. Please do your part to stop this. One sick kid took things too far and our child was contemplating suicide because his acts were just that awful. Our son has never struggled with depression before. Please let the parents know or contact the school. This is not OK. This is not healthy. This is not boys will be boys.

This is terrible so sorry. What happened?

[Anonymous]

I don’t get it? Do you have more details? Sounds very non threatening & vague. Not something I would ever tell another parent about. Save it for specific & actionable threats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We monitor our 12 year old’s phone activity. He knows we do - it’s not a secret or a big deal. He’s on one big group text with 10 or 12 other boys. One kid is trying to get the others together to “get this bully”. Everyone is ignoring him so it doesn’t sound like there is a plan afoot to “get” this other kid. I know the kid initiating - he’s dramatic and a big talker but has never been known to get into fights or do anything violent. My kid doesn’t think this kid is being targeted by the bully kid. We know the parents well - should we say something?

My kid was the victim of one of these texts. Just one of the kids on the text hatched a plan to get back at him. The amount of pain that kid caused our child and our family is impossible to describe and will just be belittled here. He found out about the plan. He found out about the text. He also ended up the victim of a pretty horrible situation because one kid decided to to heed the call. We are getting our son help to process it all and the therapist said tweens and teens are out of control and the level of cruelty he is hearing about these days is off the chart. Please do your part to stop this. One sick kid took things too far and our child was contemplating suicide because his acts were just that awful. Our son has never struggled with depression before. Please let the parents know or contact the school. This is not OK. This is not healthy. This is not boys will be boys.

Pp, I’m so sorry that happened to your kid.

[Anonymous]

At 12 damn straight I would reach out to a parent about a text chain threatening another kid. Especially if you know the parents well. You don't have to make it a huge deal or imply that their kid is a jerk - just that the text chain raised some concerns.

If it matters, I have a 12yo and an older teen, both boys. I don't ever look at the older one's phone anymore but 12yos need parental involvement around technology. I've never had anything like this happen but my older kid had several friends threaten suicide via text when he was younger. Their 12yo brains are not equipped to make fully rational decisions, especially when they're revving each other up on group texts.

Final point to the PP whose kid was targeted, I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

I have only reached out to another parent once about a text issue (and when my kids were young I did keep an eye on their phones and saw plenty of things that I didn’t like but I didn’t think rose to the level of letting the parents know. In the one situation I did (specific threatening language against 2 of my family members) I really tried to approach it with kindness and “this is something I would want to know know” context and it was very well received I had a great conversation with the other parent and she said she was really glad that I let her know. Without being able to read the text chain your son is in, what you’re describing to me sounds vague enough that I don’t think I would be contacting anyone but of course these things can change.