Secondary Infertility Advice

[Anonymous]

My almost 4 year old is now insisting that he wants a baby (sibling) and that he will get one, without a doubt. So far, I've avoided the where-do-babies-come-from talk, so he thinks we can just "go out a get a baby" (lately, he thinks we'll get one from from the animal shelter). I'd hoped the topic would go away, not just because it is painful but also because I don't feel that I have a good answer. I don't want to tell him that it is not going to happen, because there is a small chance it could. I also don't want to tell him too much because for me infertility is private and I don't want him announcing to others that mommy can't have babies or something similar. Responses like "we'll see" or "we don't always get what we want" don't dissuade him, nor do discussions about how much work babies require. Does anyone have any advice on to how to handle this?

[Anonymous]

I have told my almost 5 y.o. DD that sometimes, when a Mommy and a Daddy love each other very much, Mommy will get a baby in her tummy. It comes as a surprise, and it doesn't always happen. I am not sure how far this will get me, but she seems satisfied right now.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I'm not sure he'll really get the concept of "it doesn't always happen," but worth a try.

[Anonymous]

One of the most painful parts of my miscarriage (at 12 1/2 weeks in October) was having to explain to my now 3 y.o. DD that there was no longer a baby in my tummy. We had already told her about the pregnancy because I was showing and people were noticing. She understands that there is no longer a baby there, but desperately wants a sibling. I have been having an incredibly hard time getting pregnant again. She talks about wanting a baby a lot. Sometimes she talks about "when we get a baby." It is painful for me to see her wanting something so badly that I haven't been able to give her, while struggling to deal with my own feelings of loss and inadequacy. I have told her that we will "cross our fingers," but that this takes time and sometimes things don't work as we hope. I don't know that it this is helpful for you, but I certainly can relate to how hard it is to talk about his with your child. Best of luck to you...

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP with the 5 y.o. PP, I am so sorry for you. I lost a pregnancy at 7 weeks in January. We were so cautious not to talk about the baby in front of DD. It was so tough when we lost the baby, but at least we didn't have to explain it to her. She talks all the time about being a sister, and her brother and sister. I'd love to have one for her, but then I again I try to think how perfect we have it. Then I also see posts like the one yesterday about the 5y.o. that hates the 10 m.o. sibliing. I try to convince myself, it will be ok anyway.

Good luck to you.