DH says I am crazy packing all gifts

[Anonymous]

We used to prepare gifts for daycare staff/teacher, and this year is the first year my DC attend kindergarten at public school.

I have packed 18 gifts for my DC's aftercare staffs/classroom teacher/special teachers etc, and they are physical gift + giftcard card per pp. DH says that I am crazy, and it is NOT NECESSARY to prepare holiday gifts for teachers at public school because his parents never did. Well, I don't know what to say (I am foreigner) and I thought it is American culture for parents to prepare holiday gifts and teacher appreciation days at ES. When I checked out to get giftcards, cashier asked me whom I send to because I purchased many giftcards of different amounts. DH says that once I start it, I have to continue to do it every year going forward, and it is really not necessary and hassle. I think I spend like around $500.

I took care of that all by myself, and it is not like that I have asked him to do anything. And, I have send out all gifts already. Am I really crazy doing all these? Do you and your spouse compromise on this on school holiday gift issue?

[Anonymous]

FYI, my DH was fine when I did that to private daycare, but he just nagged when it comes to public school.

[Anonymous]

I gave nothing to my kids ES teachers. People do this?

—woman who grew up in the US

[Anonymous]

Our kid is at a public school and we have always contributed to the classroom gift. We have a room parent that collects money and then gets things for the Teacher. I know some people choose to do their own gift and some people don't do anything, it is all very individual. But there are gifts given to Teachers in Public School.

[Anonymous]

That seems like . . . a lot. I give gift cards to the kids’ main teachers. Gifts are common. Needing 18 seems more than usual. $500 total seems high, especially for only kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

That is crazy.

That said, if you have the time and money, that's wonderful.

If you don't, then it's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave nothing to my kids ES teachers. People do this?

—woman who grew up in the US

Np. I always give $20 - $50 in a Target gift card, depending on the year. I don’t think it’s that unusual.

[Anonymous]

A nice alternative might be to donate a book series to the library in honor of all the specials teachers. My mom was an ES librarian. She got very few gifts...maybe some sweets or an ornament (we are Jeiwsh!).

[Anonymous]

You are being ridiculous, OP.

Most teachers do not want physical gifts, it leads to so much clutter and a lot of it is crap. Some appreciate gift cards so they can buy school supplies or a little luxury for themselves, but it's actually a pain to have a set of low-denomination cards when you're trying to pay for stuff, so some teachers just don't want anything at all... apart from well-behaved students

Also, there is a gift limit per person in public school settings which I hope you haven't exceeded. I think it's $20. A lot of people don't notice or care, but it's actually a rule.

When my kids and I really think a teacher has gone above and beyond, I write an email thanking them specifically for what they did, and I cc the Principal so that it becomes a professional feather in their cap. For regular teachers who just did an acceptable job, my kids just verbally thank them at the end of the year.

[Anonymous]

Some people send a small token item to a teacher (which probably isn’t the best idea, nobody needs that much “stuff” each year. There are lots of posts online of teachers commenting wryly on an overabundance of mugs, for example).

More generally, people contribute to a class fund as organized by the room mom, with the money to pay for both a class party, and a class gift (probably a gift card. This has the benefit of giving the teacher enough that they can buy something they actually want, with the added benefit that individual donations (or lack thereof) are masked from the teacher, so that a child whose parents don’t give or can’t give much isn’t excluded, and those who can give more aren’t seen as trying to buy influence. When my kids were younger, I think the requested donation was usually around $5-$10, but it’s been a while, and it wouldn’t surprise me if the requested amount might be a little higher.

Some families might send in individual gift cards, but there may be a maximum limit depending on district. MCPS used to limit teacher gifts to $20.

It’s not typical to send gifts to specials teachers. I don’t know about aftercare, because we didn’t do that, but I wouldn’t expect it would require much. My best guess would be that if there were a primary caregiver or one that had been especially helpful to your child, you might give them a $20 gift card.

Basically, I’d contribute to the class fund, respond every time the teacher asks for classroom supplies like soap/sanitizer, tissues, paper, etc., and when the teacher makes a wishlist at bookfair, buy one of the requested books for the classroom library.

Keep in mind that some families have multiple kids and a lot of families can’t afford $500 for teacher gifts for one child, let alone multiply that across multiple children.

[Anonymous]

We are at a public school in Bethesda. We contribute toward the class fund - room parents buy the teacher a holiday gift and also gifts for teacher appreciation week.

On top of that, we give a gift card to the teacher and paraeducator. Usually I'll add a box of chocolate too.

We also give cash or gift cards to the aftercare staff or some years, one parent volunteered to collect money for them.

It is generous of you to give to the specials teachers. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

I have a 5th and 2nd grader. This year I gave:

$20 to the classroom gift for each of their teachers
$10 to the special education teachers collection (my younger kid gets additional supports due to ADHD)
$10 gift cards to their aftercare director, assistant director, and each of their grade level staff (5 total)
$10 gift card to their bus driver

So $110 total across 2 kids. If someone had organized a collection for the art/gym/music teachers I would have thrown some money in for that too but there wasn't one this year.

I can't imagine coming up with 18 people to give gifts to for 1 elementary school kid.

[Anonymous]

It's nice you did it, and the staff will appreciate it, and you don't have to do it in the years to come.

It's not typical to give to so many teachers, but kids often do give small presents to their main teachers especially in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

I always gave gifts. Usually something like a $25 Target card to their teacher and aftercare (SACC) team got like $10-15 each for a nearby restaurant that I knew they would frequent.

[Anonymous]

We give $20 or $10 gift cards with a small amount of chocolate to most of my elem. kid's teachers (+specials, office staff, custodian etc.) having my DC write out the Thank you/Christmas cards. It does add up and takes a while for DC to write out all the cards. This is the last year before they go to middle school, where I think the gift giving changes/goes away.

I'm not sorry we did it. I think some of the teachers liked the thank you card from DC the most. They can always use a gift card and they can toss the chocolates if they want. It was good for my kid to do it over the years. It helped them recognize all the people that were involved in helping them at school.

But we don't do some other school events, so I guess people should just do what they prioritize.