14 month old behavior

[Anonymous]

Help! I have 2 DSs, age 4 and age 14 months. I don't even know how to describe DS2's behavior. He is super active and charming and clever, not many words though, runs and climbs, wants to be in the middle of any action, very very curious about everything, thinks he can do everything his older brother can. The problem is that when he is denied something he wants (object or experience), he is super frustrated and a bit crazy -- he shrieks really loudly repeatedly, or throws himself on the ground and fake cries, or the worst probably -- he bites, hard. I know young toddlers this age probably don't have much innate patience and understanding of their abilities, but.... This behavior is really worrying me. I'm especially afraid it will get worse as he gets older. I am hoping to send him to daycare in March or maybe July. I feel like he will be kicked out for this type of behavior, especially the biting. What can we do to best deal with this tyoe of behavior? DS1 was a pretty chill baby and toddler, easy to redirect and was never a shrieker, and didn't really throw tantrums until more recently (never had a problem with biting!). or perhaps we just had more time and attention paid to him since he was an only child. DS2's behavior has always been more "crazy" since he was a much younger baby -- easy to cry in protest, shrieked a lot to show his emotions.

Some examples of things that would set DS2 off now: he wants to touch something he definitely can't touch (kitchen tools like knives), no one has time to pick him up so he can see what is on the counter, he grabbed something he shouldn't be running around with and we take it away (like a fork), he wants me to sing a specific song and I don't do it immediately, we need to physically restrain him to change his diaper or clothes, we put him in his crib for a minute when he doesn't think it should be his nap or bed time.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I also wonder if he's bored -- but I thought 14 months is kinda young to act out due to boredom? With my older child, at this age we did lots of playgrounds, library visits, music together, children's museum visits. Due to COVID, we don't do any indoor activities with DS2, so since the weather has become colder ( we are in New England) and the days way shorter, he does spend a lot of time indoors with just family.

[Anonymous]

Op again! Playgrounds should be playgroup above.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the screaming. He’s doing it because he gets a reaction. Walk away and pretend it isn’t happening.

[Anonymous]

You have to bundle up and go outside no matter what. The behavior is not as extreme, but my baby that age gets cranky if we don’t leave the house during every wake period.

[Anonymous]

My youngest (now 2) is similar - lots of hitting and throwing toys at people, screaming loudly when he’s mad, hitting his head against the wall during a tantrum. My first two were nothing like this so it’s been a challenge. He’s still very spirited with a mean streak, but his being able to understand and communicate more with us recently have really helped.

We do time outs/calm down time in his crib - there’s probably some expert who says that’s a bad idea, but it is effective.
The screaming we squelched pretty quickly one day- he screamed at DH and DH made an insanely high pitched, absurd shriek right back. DS was stunned and pretty much never did it again. All of the methods that have worked with this DS are ones I never would have implemented with my first two, but here we are!

[Anonymous]

This was normal in my house! Maybe you got lucky with your first?

I enjoyed "No Bad Kids" at this age. A good reminder of how to handle.

[Anonymous]

It won’t get worse as he gets older - it will get better. He screams and bites because he doesn’t have words to communicate. Once he does, he will use those.

[Anonymous]

He may get kicked out or he may surprise you by being a perfect angel. Peer pressure is sometimes a positive influence.

[Anonymous]

Op here! Thanks for ALL the responses! Maybe I did luck out with DS1. Good to know that this isn’t considered extreme behavior for the age. I didn’t want to make the initial posts even longer than they are — but I do think a lot has to do with DS2 having an older brother that gets to do lots of things that he can’t and is a pretty average 4 year old (ie somewhat bratty at times). But thanks for reassuring me that this isn’t completely off base behavior. We will work on reinforcing good and either ignoring or simply correcting bad behavior. Right now when he bites, I put him on the ground and say no biting.

I’ll look at the no bad kids book too. We try to do the “positive parenting” thing for DS1, but I couldn’t tell if DS2 is really getting it when we tried similar tactics since he’s so young. We were hoping he would have more words at this age (even though we know he is not behind verbally) because he has been shrieking for months! Hopefully soon telling him to “use your words” will be more practical.