Seventh grade son friendship question
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Anonymous
| My son is in seventh grade. He never fit great with many boys from his middle school, although he was invited to stuff periodically, and had two good friends, and two casual friends. This year, with school back in person full time, he seems to have made new friends in classes (he has people he talks about doing stuff with and eating lunch with). However, he never wants to try to see them outside of school, nor does he want to get together with his old friends very often (like once every other month). Is this typical? I don't think he is unhappy, because he is busy with organized sports, but I do worry that unless he puts some time into investing in friendships with kids (of his choosing), he won't have any friends long term, and be sad. |
Anonymous
| Yes, it's typical |
Anonymous
| My son is like this too. I don’t get it, but he seems perfectly happy with it. |
Anonymous
| I wonder if our sons are in the same school because you are describing my son and he's also in the 7th grade. It's sad to me but I guess it's part of their maturity. |
Anonymous
| Mine, too. He’s a freshman now and still perfectly happy. He’s done a bit more in high school (all new friends, no one else from his middle chose this high school), but most weekends, aside of organized sports stuff, he’s still hanging out at home. Sometimes bikes around with a couple neighborhood kids a grade younger. There was a somewhat recent thread that was pretty long on this topic, and lots of kids were the same. There are definitely some boys who are social butterflies, but plenty who are like our kids, too. |
Anonymous
| It doesn't matter if it's typical. What matters is that he's comfortable. Keep in mind kids got used to being home and not seeing ANY friends for a LONG time. Now they're in school all day. That may feel like plenty of socializing, even for an extrovert. Let him be how he is. |
Anonymous
|
If he’s fine with it, then it’s fine. Seriously!
There’s a wide range of normal when it comes to socializing. Enjoy that he’s comfortable and happy with it. 👍 |
Anonymous
What’s sad about it? It takes a lot of energy for kids to be social at school and busy with sports and extracurricular after school (which are also social.) Even our extroverted DD(13) dials it back much of the rest of the time. I’m just grateful my kid is self-regulating rather than exhausting herself of falling into the FOMO trap. Middle school friendships are often very in-the-moment and based on companionship while doing other things (a sport, sitting together in a particular class.) The deeper parts of friendship will come later. |
Anonymous
Mine too. |
Anonymous
What does he do when he’s alone?’ |
Anonymous
| My 9th grade DS is the same and has been since about 3rd grade. |
Anonymous
|
Lots of boys are like this. My son has a strong group of neighborhood friends but none that attend his school. He sees them every weekend.
Then he hangs out with school classmates before and after school but never on the weekends. He seem perfectly happy with this (9th grader). I think it's weird but I can't force him to change his ways. He says "I see my school friends in school, mom". |
Anonymous
| My 7th grade DD is the same way—doesn’t socialize in person with school friends but honestly with competitive sports she needs the downtime. And I think she bonded more with her sports friends the last couple of years because they were able to spend more time together. |
Anonymous
Same (np). 7th grade. It seems to be common. He does play video games/online games with friends a lot when he is not busy with his sports. |
Anonymous
| Middle School teacher – this is very typical. Middle School boys suck and being friends (and recognizing when they are friends!) but if he has boys he's hanging out with regularly at school then they are friends and he's probably ok. I would only worry if you see shifts in his mood |