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Donor egg question- thoughts on relative's eggs and adopted embryos
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Anonymous
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Hi- we have some frozen embryos of our own that we have high hopes for. And there is still something of a chance we could conceive otherwise (we'll see).
But I am thinking ahead and would like like to throw the question out there to you all- what types of experiences have people had with: (a) Donor eggs from a relative, like your sister? How has this worked if both people are married? There seems to be an advantage in that the child would have the same genes as your parents (known family history for health reasons, genetically related to cousins, etc). But how would this work in practice and what dynamic would it create amongst the two couples assuming you and your sister are married? (b) Adopted embryos. Has anyone worked with an organization to take in, or adopt out, frozen embryos? Thanks for any of your thoughts on some of these issues- a bit tough to wrap your head around- related to our wonderful medical technology and modern world. 
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Anonymous
| When we did IVF with Cornell they said that if you think you'd let another couple adopt your embryos, you have to let them know ahead of time because you need to have some STD testing done right before egg retrieval. The impression that I got was that you usually can't decide after the fact to donate embryos because of the CDC regs on STD testing, but I could be wrong about that... |
Anonymous
| If the regs for embryos are the same as they are for sperm, there has to be testing before they are retrieved and then after they have been frozen for six months. |
Anonymous
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I donated eggs to a very close friend (like a sister) 6 yrs ago and she got pregnant. I was not married at the time (and have since been married). I don't feel any maternal instincts at all toward her daughter (But they also live about 2 hrs away and I only see them a few times a year). Her mom sometimes forgets that her daughter is not biologically hers. All in all, it has been a very positive experience. I have no regrets, and am grateful that I was able to help my close friend. She hasn't told her daughter about the donated egg yet (because she is so young) -- and I told my friend that the decision is entirely hers about whether to tell or not to tell. I support her decision. I thought I'd feel more territorial over her daughter, but I really don't. It is nice to see some of the physical resemblances, but when they are together, there is simply no doubt "who her mom is."
The only other caveat is that I've been TTC with my husband for 1.5 yrs and it hasn't worked yet. That is a little wrinkle because sometimes I wonder if donating the eggs hindered my ability to have kids. But the docs say that it did NOT. And, I'm coming to grips with it. If it doesn't work out for me and my husband, we'll adopt. And, at least I was able to help my friend conceive. I also have a friend who received donated egg from a long distance cousin, who she does not see very often. She was incredibly grateful, and I think she also forgets that her son is not biologically hers. Good luck with your decision. |
Anonymous
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9:44 what sweet stories.
hope you find success soon. good luck. |
Anonymous
| someone who goes so far for someone else's happiness deserves some of her own. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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I just wanted to clarify that if you conceive with donor eggs or donor embryos, that child IS biologically yours. The child is not genetically yours, as the genetic material came from another person. But the woman who carries the baby IS the baby's biological mother.
This may seem like semantics, but the field of epigenetics is studying how this plays out, and it is really quite fascinating. Genes have to be "expressed" to have an effect, and that in turn is determined by the biological environment in which the fetus grows. The uterus is not just an "incubator" - the mother's body has a profound effect on the expression/non-expression of genes in the donated egg or embryo. If the baby were carried by the egg donor, the result would be a different baby from the one that is carried by the recipient of a donor egg/embryo. A donor egg baby gets her genes from the donor; she gets the ‘instructions’ on the expression of those genes from the biological mother who carries her. This is not to say genes are not important. They are. But the biological component that comes from the mother who carries the baby is also important, and that woman is the baby's biological parent. |
Anonymous
very well explained. thanks. |
Anonymous
9:44 here. I appreciate the clarification above. Thank you! And, thanks to those posters above for the support!!! I needed that today 
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Anonymous
| 12:20: (NP here) I had no idea, that was fascinating and very well explained. Thank you so much for taking the time to explain that! |
Anonymous
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I'm the OP, and 12:20- thank you VERY much for explaining that.. fascinating!
9:44, thank you for sharing those good stories- and you deserve a good turn soon. We did IVF at Shady Grove and I believe some of the bloodwork we did was the required STD testing.. at least I hope so, to preserve the option to donate any frozen embryos out. |
Anonymous
Shady Grove requires STD testing, so you are covered. |