Buffet when someone has food allergy

[Anonymous]

At Thanksgiving, one of the guests (teen) in attendance had a bunch of food allergies. The kid's mom kept setting up the buffet line with only foods that her kid could eat. She wanted the foods with the offending ingredients to stay in the kitchen instead of on the serving table. We'd move the platters to the buffet line, where we thought they belonged, and she'd move them back again until someone finally realized what was going on and at that point she explained what she was doing and why.

Is this normal procedure when there's someone present with food allergies? I've never had this happen at a group dinner before, even though I have other friends with allergies. In fact, we have one very close friend who does sleepovers and she has severe allergies to lots of things. Usually, our friends with allergies just ask lots of questions about which dishes are gluten free or nut fee and only take from those dishes that are safe for them. They don't expect everyone else to have to go to another room to get the "good" food that has the dairy or pecans or other special ingredients that people are looking forward to eating for the holiday.

Have I been doing it wrong all this time, or was this mom the one who was asking too much of the hosts and guests? Is everyone else supposed to be inconvenienced for one person? Couldn't the mom have just made the kid's plate and served it directly to them or is it rude to expect this of them? With our other friend whose kid has allergies, the little girl has learned to ask the right questions about foods and protect herself, and she's a couple of years younger than the Thanksgiving guest. By senior year of high school, shouldn't kids know how to do this for themselves? This kid is presumably going to leave for college in a year and needs to be able to figure this out on their own.

[Anonymous]

That mom was being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

She was way out of line.

[Anonymous]

If a kid has food allergies she needs to make his plate and not allow him near the food.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised nobody thinks this is okay. I would assume the child has severe allergies and if somebody mixed serving spoons it is literally a matter of life or death for the child. I would never have trouble accommodating someone with an allergy. They kill. That is pretty anxiety-inducing. I would be grateful I didn't have to deal with it and be happy to make them feel safe. I would also have asked about allergies before hosting and not have included any foods that contained those allergens.

[Anonymous]

Was this a stranger? What was your relationship to the kid and mom since it sounds like you don't know them well and have never eaten with them before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised nobody thinks this is okay. I would assume the child has severe allergies and if somebody mixed serving spoons it is literally a matter of life or death for the child. I would never have trouble accommodating someone with an allergy. They kill. That is pretty anxiety-inducing. I would be grateful I didn't have to deal with it and be happy to make them feel safe. I would also have asked about allergies before hosting and not have included any foods that contained those allergens.

What difference does it make? How would you know the cook didn't mix utensils stirring and preparing the dish? You would never know and thinking it was all safe up until it ended up in the buffet line would be awfully naive.

[Anonymous]

His mom should have come into the kitchen before the table was set and prepared the child's plate. It was rude and offensive that she moved things off of the buffet table, and she was completely out of line. I say this as an adult with significant food allergies and the mother of a child with deadly food allergies. I would never be as presumptuous as your "guest" was OP. She was completely wrong.

[Anonymous]

The food allergy could be deadly to her child but she should have packed her own food so it would be less of an issue.

[Anonymous]

Yeah the solution is to fix his plate first. I have a friend with celiac so similar cross contamination issues and that's just what we do. She gets her food first. Keeping other stuff in thr kitchen wouldn't work anyway, if someone put a serving spoon on a plate with the allergen and then back again.

[Anonymous]

I think the weird part was not asking if they could do that. If that was really the accommodation needed, I as a host would be fine with it. But it's a strange thing to do on the spot.

My kid has food allergies. And as mentioned above, if the allergies are that severe, other cross contamination that happens during cooking and not just serving is a concern as well. If I am toasting the nuts for the stuffing and put the nut spatula down next to the spoon for the safe cranberry sauce, the nuts can contaminate the sauce before it even ends up on the table. And yes, by that age I expect most kids to be able to ask questions, advocate, or bring their own.

[Anonymous]

She's crazy. So she kept taking the "offending" foods back to the kitchen? For a high school senior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah the solution is to fix his plate first. I have a friend with celiac so similar cross contamination issues and that's just what we do. She gets her food first. Keeping other stuff in thr kitchen wouldn't work anyway, if someone put a serving spoon on a plate with the allergen and then back again.

This is a reasonable solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His mom should have come into the kitchen before the table was set and prepared the child's plate. It was rude and offensive that she moved things off of the buffet table, and she was completely out of line. I say this as an adult with significant food allergies and the mother of a child with deadly food allergies. I would never be as presumptuous as your "guest" was OP. She was completely wrong.

The child is a TEEN. At 13 a kid should be capable of advocating for themselves around their allergies. The OP said the kid had a lot of allergies, not severe ones. OP, the mom was wrong unless she was the host of the event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His mom should have come into the kitchen before the table was set and prepared the child's plate. It was rude and offensive that she moved things off of the buffet table, and she was completely out of line. I say this as an adult with significant food allergies and the mother of a child with deadly food allergies. I would never be as presumptuous as your "guest" was OP. She was completely wrong.

The child is a TEEN. At 13 a kid should be capable of advocating for themselves around their allergies. The OP said the kid had a lot of allergies, not severe ones. OP, the mom was wrong unless she was the host of the event.

And as PPs said, a DEADLY allergy where serving utensils and contamination make a difference, you pack your own food or stay home