Unmotivated/Struggling 7th grader

[Anonymous]

DD (12) is struggling this year as a 7th grader. She honestly did much better during covid than she is doing now. She's really struggling with organization and time management. The schedule is basically the same every week but she needs lots of reminders about what happens when and I often need to give her a countdown to leaving the house. (We need to leave in 30 minutes, 15 minutes, etc). She likes school but doesn't seem internally motivated to do well. I'd also describe her as anxious in peer situations and self-conscious. I'm regularly checking her grades and asking...did you turn that assignment in? or have you studied for X? I've tried to give her the strategies that I use to study and stay organized. She already has a weekly tutor to help with math.

Now what? What should I be doing or who should I be talking to?

[Anonymous]

I could have written this. Following closely to see what people say. The constant reminders are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this too.

Their last normal year of school was 4th grade. They were not even tweens and now they are teens in middle school.

I will say that I am not getting my daughter evaluated for ADHD - which I think is the underlying factor in her anxiety and her lack of organization. I am not looking to medicate her immediately or want a quick fix, but it is apparent she is not fully comfortable and struggles some time. She also severely lashes out when called out on something or is struggling.

Remember ADHD symptoms become more apparent for many girls later.

[Anonymous]

I think you are already doing all the right things!

[Anonymous]

One small thing—write out each week’s schedule and put it up so it’s easy for her to reference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could have written this too.

Their last normal year of school was 4th grade. They were not even tweens and now they are teens in middle school.

I will say that I am not getting my daughter evaluated for ADHD - which I think is the underlying factor in her anxiety and her lack of organization. I am not looking to medicate her immediately or want a quick fix, but it is apparent she is not fully comfortable and struggles some time. She also severely lashes out when called out on something or is struggling.

Remember ADHD symptoms become more apparent for many girls later.

You think your DD has ADHD to the point that it causes anxiety, but you aren’t pursuing diagnosis or treatment for the ADHD?! You are doing a huge disservice to your child and forcing her to suffer needlessly. You don’t have to medicate just because you get an ADHD diagnosis. My 8th grader has ADHD and isn’t currently medicated. But he has an IEP and receives supports at school - and as a result, he is doing very well. It is fine that you don’t want “a quick fix” but maybe your daughter does - she probably would like to feel better.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a weekly schedule that is posted so she doesn’t have to remember.

Also, I would suggest scheduled check-in times about the work. Not randomly when you think of it. That may catch her off guard and make her anxious.

Does she have an incentive to get good grades? Some people aren’t internally motivated, so a little push may help her.

Is she in any clubs or activities? I find the less time we have, the more we use our time better.

Does she get enough sleep? Kids are going to bed so late these days with phones. Make sure she’s getting enough sleep.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this about my son, a 7th-grader at a local private school. He's been diagnosed with inattentive ADD and EF disorder.

He has accommodations at school, and his school is really supportive. He is still struggling with organization and time management, needs lots of reminders, has missing assignments every week, and has trouble keeping up with taking notes in class.

We also have been checking his assignments and grades on a daily basis and asking deeper questions about his upcoming and past assignments and upcoming quizzes and assessments. We also have strived to give him strategies to study and stay organized. We have also been in close touch with his teachers.

He still ended up with two Ds in his first trimester -- one in a class that he got dinged in for late work; the other in a class that he's always struggled with.

After taking a moment to despair, I decided to reach out to some of the Executive Functioning tutors here: https://www.labsch ool.org/sites/default/files/2020-10/Tutoring%20List%20for%20download%2010.5.20.pdf. I'm talking to two of them this weekend, so I'm hoping that one of them might be able to help.

FWIW, my daughter who's a senior at an engineering school had the same issues as OP's daughter at her private high school here in DC, and the EF coach was useless. She tried medication in high school, which was disastrous, and did not hit her stride until her sophomore year in college. She thrived on Zoom school and is now on the Dean's List, so there is hope with time. She also had social anxiety but has now worked through most of that. Sports, (including travel soccer), constant encouragement, time, and my modeling of social skills helped with that.

(Back to my son, though...) I also set up another meeting with the learning specialist at his school. We had met with them at the beginning of the year to put some structures in place, but after the first trimester grades showed that my son was still struggling, we needed to revisit this plan. I am hoping that he can meet with the learning specialist every week to devise some strategies, e.g., planning for longer-term and layered projects, study plans for quizzes and major assessments, and developing better time management and study skills. If he does not turn around this trimester, I doubt that his contract will be renewed.

We are considering medication; however, we are still struggling with that decision. We considered moving him to a less-challenging environment, but know that he would suffer in our overcrowded local middle school. He did not do well in our crowded elementary. We are still looking at our options and are keeping an open mind.

He also is depressed and works with a therapist on that.

I don't know if any of this helps. I'm also following this thread for more info.

I feel your pain, OP!

[Anonymous]

The medication can help so much for ADHD. Just please try it. Imagine carrying around a heavy backpack all day and always worrying that you are going to screw something up. It’s so hard for these kids. Learn about the ADHD brain works and educate the child and the rest of the family about it, too. If your child had diabetes, would you hesitate about giving them insulin?