Concerns about my K daughter

[Anonymous]

I have some concerns about my daughter who is in K and wanted to get some advice from other parents who may have known that they were lesbian at a young age. DD is a bit socially awkward and has a lot of sensory issues, we may end up with an AS diagnosis at some point. Recently, when dropping a friend off from a playdate, DD kissed the friend on the mouth (closed). The friend responded very badly, pushed her away and said "I don't want you to kiss me." This am, I walked in on my K daughter coaching my toddler DD on how to French kiss her. Not sure where the idea is coming from, she only watches PBS occasionally, and I'm a single mom so she hasn't seen any french kissing at home. I'm guessing that some of her classmates with older sibs may have talked about it? When I asked her where she got the idea she just said she didn't know.

Anyway, I'm concerned about her repeatedly trying to kiss girls and not being sensitive to their social cues and the possible ramifications when she is on the social outskirts quite a bit anyway. Of course, if she is going to grow up to be a lesbian, I want to be sensitive in my message. I don't think there is any french kissing going on with the boys and girls at school, they seem more in the little kid chasing phase. DD has a few playdates with girls lined up, the doc urged us to really try hard to help her find a good friend, and now I am worried about sending her due to lack of supervision or just what might happen.

I remember sex play at that age, but it was hidden and I don't think that it was with sibs. Not sure if her doing these things in the open is related to the possible spectrum/lack or "getting" social cues and norms issue. I am really worried about how this may impact her at school. She also has some attention issues, I'm not sure "don't do that" is going to cut it. Any wise input? We were planning to move the toddler into a shared room with her when we move soon and now I am having concerns about that as well. Oye, we've been so concerned about her socially for so long and now this new piece is really throwing me for a loop.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your child has sensory and social cue issue. I would not worry about sexual orientation at this stage. You can be sensitive in your discussions with her, however. It is perfectly appropriate to say, we do not kiss our friends on the mouth or we do not french kiss our friends or sisters. French kissing is something that grown ups do when the love each other. No need to distinguish between kissing girls or boys, I assume you do not want her kissing boys either.

[Anonymous]

OP here: nope, we don't want any kissing at all at this age! We've been working on social cues for so long but I think as she gets older (I know kids at school do talk about kissing) we need to move up to a new level.

[Anonymous]

I think it's okay. Maybe she's practicing kissing on the people whom she feels safest with/who are around her most, and they all happen to be girls. Or maybe she's a lesbian. Whatever. It's more about correct social behavior than sexual orientation, right?

My DD is 4 and a half and is completely in love with a boy in her class, says he is her true love, that they will marry one day. At school there's a picture of the boy on the wall by the office and she always wants to stop and kiss his picture. Ugh. She has hugged and kissed him, after asking him if she could. He doesn't seem to mind, he wants to play with her and they have fun together, though he doesn't talk about his love and devotion to her as much as she does about him. They are best friends at school. I try to be very attentive when they have playdates in order to keep it playful, not romantic. I have talked with my DD about it a couple of times, telling her that we share our hugs with our friends but keep our kisses for our family. And I do teach my kids about protecting their private parts. I would include french kissing as part of their private parts. My DD doesn't like the kissing rule but knows this is the expectation and contains herself most of the time.

I have told the boy's mom repeatedly that I worry that my DD is overbearing and out of line and to please let me know if she needs me to control my DD more.

My older DD has had two boys at school in love with her since age 5. One boy told my DH and I that he plans to marry our DD and move to California with her. You should have seen my DH's face. He made her a sweet Valentine's card this year. The other boy has physically knocked my DD over, pinned her down and kissed her. That didn't go over well.

We have a very traditional family: married couple, I'm a SAHM. My DH hugs and kisses me in front of the children but it's all rated G behavior. Who knows where the intensity of these feelings comes from. I don't worry about it. I'm more concerned about my kids knowing what is socially acceptable behavior.

[Anonymous]

Sounds sensory. She's seeking the sensation of kissing, and she's not developmentally grown up yet to censor herself. Why not post this over at the special needs forum and see what the posters say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds sensory. She's seeking the sensation of kissing, and she's not developmentally grown up yet to censor herself. Why not post this over at the special needs forum and see what the posters say?

Um, yeah. Why is this on the G&L parents forum?

[Anonymous]

It's on this forum because the OP wanted to get advice from parents who knew they were gay at a young age.