If your in-laws like the other daughter in law better?

[Anonymous]

If your in laws like your sil (dh’s brothers wife) better than you and as a result are nicer to her than you, how does it make you feel? Even though you have been married longer and have kids and have been quite nice to them and have put up with all their drama, accusations etc. Does it bother you? How do you handle it?

[Anonymous]

I LOVE it. My MIL is a twit. We get along fine but man, she marches to the best of her own drummer. My SIL can have her.

[Anonymous]

Fine by me. Takes the pressure off. I also haven’t put a lot of effort into the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Thankfully I don't need other people to feel good about myself. But it is easier to deal with if done from ignorance rather than malice. I laugh it off and share stories with my friends, like the time my ILs in front of all of us, said how another family member was jealous of one son & his wife because they are so rich, successful, son is charming, wife dresses so well and is in great shape, house is so big, kids popular. . . blah, blah, they just went on & on.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine a world where I'm everyone's favorite. If I am, that probably means I'm not being my authentic self. MIL can have my SIL. They're perfectly pleasant people, just different.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's you, and not them?

[Anonymous]

Raises hand! Oh, wait, they only have one DIL. Still, I promise if they had another, they'd like her more than me.

[Anonymous]

No. Everyone likes me and I make it a point to include everyone. My SIL is younger than be (10 years) and I have her back. I do not intervene in any relationship between other people. I am nice to my SIL, nice to my MIL etc. I have advised my SIL in how to manage my MIL and she has followed it and benefited.

I am not immortal. I will eventually leave this Earth. There is no reason to create drama with your fellow passengers in this journey of life. I am quite capable of mentally withdrawing while being warm and polite. No one needs more than that from you. Honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Everyone likes me and I make it a point to include everyone. My SIL is younger than be (10 years) and I have her back. I do not intervene in any relationship between other people. I am nice to my SIL, nice to my MIL etc. I have advised my SIL in how to manage my MIL and she has followed it and benefited.

I am not immortal. I will eventually leave this Earth. There is no reason to create drama with your fellow passengers in this journey of life. I am quite capable of mentally withdrawing while being warm and polite. No one needs more than that from you. Honestly.

:::applause:::

This is how to do life.

[Anonymous]

I learned long ago that not everyone will like me and that's ok. I don't waste time or energy worrying about who likes me and who does not. I am kind to everyone. I can't control how other people receive my energy.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they realized they screwed up with you and were able to start off with the newer sister in law on a better basis.

Are you the favorite on your side of the family? My guess is you are and this is why this upsets you. If they’re mean to you that’s one thing but as long as they are nice and civil to you, but just nicer to her, well oh well. Maybe they just mesh better.

[Anonymous]

Really curious how your MIL treats your SIL better.

[Anonymous]

I am the favorite SIL. It's partly a case of familiarity breeds contempt, because we live on a different continent, and can't visit often, and partly because I check most of the boxes for the ideal DIL for my traditional Asian MIL (respectful, feminine, smiling, not forward). I am careful not to make any conflict worse, I defend my SILs/BILs when necessary, and generally try to smooth over all my MIL's issues with other people in the family. She's old and has Parkinson's and sometimes loses sight of what's important.

[Anonymous]

Depends. I have two SILs. Ones a b**ch with no filter who wonders why no one likes her. The other one bakes people cakes and helps you if you need it.

Don't care that the b has kids. The other one is just genuinely a nice person.

[Anonymous]

My MIL probably likes my SIL better than me since she's been a part of the family much longer. I don't care. I only see my MIL twice a year for short weekend visits and I've never sought her approval but I've always been kind and considerate. My ILs just don't really matter much to me because DH was already distant but cordial with his family before me. I have a hard time and feel hurt when I feel like my own parents favor a sibling though.