SIL Miscarriage
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Anonymous
| SIL just had a miscarriage at in laws house, where we all still are for thanksgiving. Everyone is devastated. What can we say/do when she comes back from hospital? |
Anonymous
|
“I’m so sorry.”
What’s important is what NOT to say. Make sure everyone reads and understands this: https://jennakutcherblog.com/10-things-never-say-someone-miscarriage/ |
Anonymous
| “I am so sorry for your loss.” That is the only thing. There are a lot of stupid things people say. PP’s link above is on point. If your MIL, mother or anyone else at the house is prone to say anything awkward, make sure they read it. Don’t worry if you think showing them a list of things not to say might offend them. For your SIL’s sake, be proactive. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry OP and agree with the PPs and the linked article. |
Anonymous
And just be kind to her and ask her what she needs (does she want distraction and company, or time to herself, etc.) So hard to be in a house full of people and what should be a happy time and have that happen. |
Anonymous
| Agree with everything said above but also give them some space and time to be alone if they want it. We’ve had a few miscarriages and I can’t imagine not being able to be at home alone and hole up with my husband. We skipped Christmas last year for our miscarriage that happened right before and it was such a gift not to get any grief from family about it. |
Anonymous
| If they choose to leave early—even directly from the hospital, support that 100% and make sure your parents keep their mouths shut if they don’t like that decision. Text your brother and offer to pack up if that would be helpful. |
Anonymous
|
Ugh I'm 10 weeks and this is my worst nightmare. Fwiw the last time I miscarried was at a relatives party. We went straight from the party to the ER. Fortunately we didn't tell anyone so there were no awkward conversations.
I would greet them, ask if I can help them with anything (getting medications, etc) and let them avoid the rest of the family if they need to. I personally would leave immediately. I'd let me husband see people and say goodbye for both of us, but that's just me. |
Anonymous
| Thanks everyone, OP here. We stocked the fridge with some of her favorite ice cream and soup while they were still at the hospital and are just giving space. I appreciate all the advice. |
Anonymous
That's very sweet of you. I wish I could give her the biggest hug ever. |
Anonymous
| Just don’t say it’s God’s will or anything like that. |
Anonymous
+1. You sound very kind and thoughtful, OP. Hopefully everyone's heading home now, but just wanted to say that giving her some space and comfort food sound perfect. I thankfully never miscarried during a family event, but had 5 at home and small thoughtful gestures from friends were really appreciated. |
Anonymous
|
This happened to me and I just wanted to leave ASAP.
I stayed in the bedroom the entire next day before we left and my sister in law dropped food at the door. I appreciated the gesture. |
Anonymous
| If your family typically gathers for Christmas, please be kind with whatever decision she makes regarding coming/not coming. Also, be mindful of your language--try not to say things like "Christmas is for children", "Nothing better than a baby at Christmas" etc at the gathering when she can hear. |