Adult Child: What do you do when you missed a few things during parenting?
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Anonymous
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My 21-year-old son has very poor hygiene. I've tried to tell him gently over the years; however, he is a mix of nose bind/doesn't care. I have three other adult children who are all clean (19, 24, and 25); however, my teaching on proper body care appears to have escaped him.
He is home from school for Thanksgiving, and after two nights of being home, the bedroom smells horrible. He just left to visit my former in-laws and did not shower or comb his hair. I couldn't make him turn back around to shower first so I am at a loss on how to address the situation with a grownup. He has an oblivious nature and does not understand that the world judges appearance. How do I convey that message appropriately for an oblivious adult to understand? |
Anonymous
| Could your other kids talk to him? Might be easier hearing from siblings. |
Anonymous
| At this point there is nothing you can do. If your other children are clean it's not your fault. |
Anonymous
| I would tell him after the first night (or the earliest I felt the smell). |
Anonymous
| Is he depressed? |
Anonymous
| Funny how we blame ourselves and our parenting for our kids' issues. You have 3 hygienic kids, you did nothing wrong. In your position, I would tell him he is emanating an odor and he has to shower daily and use deodorant. He knows this, but you can remind him and let it go. |
Anonymous
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For the sake of his future girlfriends and coworkers, you really need to sit down with him and nicely but firmly tell him this. Give him a bag of products. Shampoo, soap, comb, conditioner, deodorant, laundry detergent, toothpaste, a new toothbrush, dental floss. Explain that he needs to put the soap all over his body.
I say this as someone who broke up with a great guy for hygiene issues. I had to teach him to brush his teeth twice a day. He only brushed them after dinner. His breath smelled. We argued about it. His skin smelled. I never understood why his parents did not teach him these things. He’s still single, fyi.... |
Anonymous
My other kids have told him with brutal honesty. He's the only one who came home this year (rest are scattered on different coasts) so there is no one here to tell him but me. I was tempted to block the front door and make him go back upstairs. |
Anonymous
| That horse has left the barn. If you let him leave the house as a funky teenager, without insisting that he shower, it won’t help now. If he wants a non-stinky girlfriend, he’ll deal with it then. |
Anonymous
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I was at college with a guy like this. Although no one was too harsh, people did let him know about the smell. He wasn't excluded from any hangouts but for sure it came up a lot. By our junior year, he had figured it out....
You can tell him BUT other people reinforcing that will help for sure. |
Anonymous
| Hose him down in the driveway. |
Anonymous
| "Phew, Larlo, your room is starting to smell rank. You need to shower every day. You may not smell anything bad, but it's a real turn-off to other people." |
Anonymous
| He's an adult. At this point I'd tell him that I don't want one of the bedrooms of my house to smell awful, he needs to fix that, and if he needs help figuring out how to fix it, he can ask. |
Anonymous
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Minus a medical issue you cannot stay in my home making it funky. At this point, your are disrespecting others as well as being inconsiderate. Funky butt smell will not come out of sofa cushions.
YUCK! |
Anonymous
| Maybe he needed more support and attention than you gave him as you were more focused on the other kids. |