Mom Repeats Everything I Say Back As a Question

[Anonymous]

My Mom (early 70s) has taken to repeating back most things I say to her as a question. I don't think it's dementia, but it sure is annoying. I know that sometimes people will repeat a statement if it's particularly shocking or unexpected, but my Mom does this for simple, routine statements and comments I make. It drives me nutty, and makes me wonder if this is a common thing in older people, and if there's any way to discourage the behavior. Here's an example: Mom: "Where is Larla from?" Me: "She's from South Carolina." Mom: "She's from South Carolina?" Me: "Yes...That's literally what I just said." Help!

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is having more difficulty hearing or processing as she gets older and wants to make sure she is getting things right. This seems so minor that honestly I would focus on controlling your reaction instead. If you do draw her attention to it I would frame it in terms of concern about what might be driving this behavior, not how annoying it is.

[Anonymous]

She may be having hearing problems, memory problems, or both. You know, like…she might be…aging? And she may be experiencing some mental and physical health problems? On account of she is elderly?

It’s very odd that you go straight to how it makes you feel and ‘if you can discourage it,” you selfish dingbat.

[Anonymous]

She’s processing the information and needs to hear it twice. First from you and then from herself. My mom, age 78, does this. I just go with the flow and respond with, “Yes, that’s correct.”

Deep breaths, OP.

[Anonymous]

I'd guess she's confirming it because of hearing issues, or perhaps because it helps her process it. I wouldn't say anything, and frankly, I'd work on getting over it. People are so often irritated and annoyed by old people, and it's sad. If we're lucky, we'll end up old, too. I try to show my parents the same patience and grace I'd hope others show me when I'm older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s processing the information and needs to hear it twice. First from you and then from herself. My mom, age 78, does this. I just go with the flow and respond with, “Yes, that’s correct.”

Deep breaths, OP.

This. Her auditory processing is slowing. And maybe also her hearing. Consider that she might not hear as well as she wants you to think she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may be having hearing problems, memory problems, or both. You know, like…she might be…aging? And she may be experiencing some mental and physical health problems? On account of she is elderly?

It’s very odd that you go straight to how it makes you feel and ‘if you can discourage it,” you selfish dingbat.

Thanks for the personal insult, I appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s processing the information and needs to hear it twice. First from you and then from herself. My mom, age 78, does this. I just go with the flow and respond with, “Yes, that’s correct.”

Deep breaths, OP.

This. Her auditory processing is slowing. And maybe also her hearing. Consider that she might not hear as well as she wants you to think she does.

Fair point, except she always repeats it back verbatim which suggests she does hear me just fine. Perhaps it's more of an auditory processing issue in the sense of buying time to think about what was just said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may be having hearing problems, memory problems, or both. You know, like…she might be…aging? And she may be experiencing some mental and physical health problems? On account of she is elderly?

It’s very odd that you go straight to how it makes you feel and ‘if you can discourage it,” you selfish dingbat.

Thanks for the personal insult, I appreciate it.

I’m sure your mom appreciates your attitude. So there’s that.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is aging. It happens. Please remember she was there when you started talking. I get impatient with my mother too. It’s in part because she was always the one to guide me, now we’re in a new territory with her being less sure footed while I continue rushing ahead. There is an adjustment period. Try to slow down to her pace. She’ll prob keep repeating moving forward. Let it be part of the flow now.

[Anonymous]

I'd say auditory processing. She hears it and she talks it out rather than thinking through it aloud.

I agree with the PP who suggests taking deep breaths and just confirming what she heard: "yep." "yes, that's right."I find that talking with my mom is a lot like talking with a kid these days. Having that perspective helps me have a bit more patience with her (sometimes!).

[Anonymous]

"Your mom repeats everything you say back as a question?!"

My mom does too. Solidarity.

I likewise struggle with my patience for this, so I appreciate the kind and empathetic comments of PPs who note that there might be some auditory, hearing, or cognitive issues at play, and will work to have more patience and empathy myself.

FWIW, I have a hard time saying "yes" or "yep" in a way that doesn't sound exasperated (to me at least), so what I'm currently doing is basically leaning into it by repeating the statement again (3rd time!), which I seem to be able to do in a regular non-exasperated tone, and moving on from there. Good luck! And thanks again to PPs who posted helpful thoughts & suggestions.

("You'll work to have more patience and empathy yourself?!" Yes, exactly; I will work to have more patience and empathy myself. Anyway, how was dinner with Larla last week...?")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may be having hearing problems, memory problems, or both. You know, like…she might be…aging? And she may be experiencing some mental and physical health problems? On account of she is elderly?

It’s very odd that you go straight to how it makes you feel and ‘if you can discourage it,” you selfish dingbat.

Thanks for the personal insult, I appreciate it.

I’m sure your mom appreciates your attitude. So there’s that.

+1


On a different note, your mom is doing something called mirroring. There can be a wide variety of reasons for it. Try to go with the flow, OP, and remember that she will only be with you for a while longer. It would be nice if your frustration and anger didn't show the whole time she is with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mom (early 70s) has taken to repeating back most things I say to her as a question. I don't think it's dementia, but it sure is annoying. I know that sometimes people will repeat a statement if it's particularly shocking or unexpected, but my Mom does this for simple, routine statements and comments I make. It drives me nutty, and makes me wonder if this is a common thing in older people, and if there's any way to discourage the behavior. Here's an example: Mom: "Where is Larla from?" Me: "She's from South Carolina." Mom: "She's from South Carolina?" Me: "Yes...That's literally what I just said." Help!

When your mom responds in the form of a question, you need to reframe what you say. It will help you be less visibly annoyed and help move the conversation on.

Mom: "Where is Larla from?"

Me: "She's from South Carolina."

Mom: "She's from South Carolina?"

Me: "Yes, she is from South Carolina. I'm not sure where or what city. South Carolina is such a pretty state. Have you ever been there? I really liked Hilton Head when I was there."

[Anonymous]

My mom does that and has for years. She really freezes up if she feels anxious or rushed or pressured, or with anything that involves math. I just sit and let her grind her wheels until she gets there.