The Truth

[Anonymous]

Boys or Girls - doesn’t matter. There are no friends in soccer. The players have friends but the parents on your sideline are not friends. They seem nice? They seem helpful? Given a choice, the other parents you share so many moments with will talk about your kid, and given a choice they will throw you under the bus, your kid under the bus just to get ahead.

If you dare do something nice trying to be different than the others - those people will abuse your kindness and crap on you. Be warned and find friends away from your club. Stay close enough to help your son (or daughter) keep their friendships.

Soccer is brutal. Wish I lived in Maryland or had a daughter even though I see much daughter drama there

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the bottom line here, though I think you make a lot of good observations. I think a lot of parents fit this description. But not all. And my experience has been that the kids are more competitive with each other than the parents are among themselves. But what I have noticed is that there is a tipping point where a sufficient number of first-class jerks can adversely affect all of this, both among parents and players. And I think that threshold gets lower over time because parents think there is more at stake.

Academics are even worse, so I don’t think these are dynamics unique to soccer. You just observe them more directly and frequently. And basketball is far worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the bottom line here, though I think you make a lot of good observations. I think a lot of parents fit this description. But not all. And my experience has been that the kids are more competitive with each other than the parents are among themselves. But what I have noticed is that there is a tipping point where a sufficient number of first-class jerks can adversely affect all of this, both among parents and players. And I think that threshold gets lower over time because parents think there is more at stake.

Academics are even worse, so I don’t think these are dynamics unique to soccer. You just observe them more directly and frequently. And basketball is far worse.

Agreed. We have a parent whose kid was promoted to a top boys team in mls next this year and the guy is an absolute nightmare, constantly pushing for playing time though his kid has no technical skill or coordination. It is painful to listen to this guy’s crap, just kills what used to be a relatively pleasant experience for the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys or Girls - doesn’t matter. There are no friends in soccer. The players have friends but the parents on your sideline are not friends. They seem nice? They seem helpful? Given a choice, the other parents you share so many moments with will talk about your kid, and given a choice they will throw you under the bus, your kid under the bus just to get ahead.

If you dare do something nice trying to be different than the others - those people will abuse your kindness and crap on you. Be warned and find friends away from your club. Stay close enough to help your son (or daughter) keep their friendships.

Soccer is brutal. Wish I lived in Maryland or had a daughter even though I see much daughter drama there

This has not been my experience. I have found in youth soccer as in life that most people tend to fulfil your expectations of them.

[Anonymous]

You do realize soccer is a team sport, don’t you? That means the team will win or lose based on multiple kids’ actions. It also means a forward and Gk are generally not competing for playing time.

We have a group of kids and parents we are friendly with, including a few that have moved to other clubs. We are positive during games, but, yes, we will talk afterwards within our family about who played poorly and why. I want our kid to learn from that, so they avoid the same mistakes and also can help out their friend. We praise teammates’ play even more frequently. I have found the most important part is not to talk about the outcome (a goal scored, a missed shot, a turnover in front of our goal), but what led to it (a great through ball, a bad pass, a teammate not helping out on defense).

The only time it gets a little edgy is when a kid has a bad attitude, is blaming teammates, etc. then we’ll be a little more pointed. But we’re generally not friendly with those kids’ parents.

[Anonymous]

If you/your kid wants friends you shouldn't rely on travel soccer to fulfill that. If you/your kid end up making friends, then great. Playing travel soccer the focus should be your kid's technical development, learning the game and on the team.

If you want you/your kid to make friends and have a good time, then go play rec. Sometimes it's best to keep to yourself, show up at the game, maybe some small talk, root for your kid and the team and leave it at that. There will always be parents that talk about other players/parents and will throw you under the bus. Pretty much anything so they can get their kid more touches, playing time, etc.

I just feel bad for the kids who really work hard in practice or are actually better players, but don't get playing time because of all the politics and the parents who have the coach on speed dial.

[Anonymous]

Wow...that has not been our experience at all. My hs daughter plays on a top club team, and her teammates are her best friends. They have their moments, like all teenagers do, but usually talk through them with more maturity than most because they're focused on a common goal. Most of our team has been together for years, and we truly enjoy traveling with the other families. Sure, we're closer with some than others, but I would be happy to sit at a dinner table with anyone. A few "toxic" parents have come and gone, but they usually didn't stay long. I guess I'm lucky we found the right team early...

[Anonymous]

I disagree as well. We have had mostly positive experiences with multiple kids playing travel soccer in the Maryland suburbs for many years now. Our oldest is a college graduate now, so we’ve been at this for a while. Many of our kids’ youth soccer teammates are their closest friends today, and same for us with many of the parents we met a decade+ ago. I’ve certainly seen my share of toxic, gunner parents who would happily stab anyone in the back to get an advantage for their kid, but these have been a small minority in my experience.

I will say that the more talented your kid is, the less likely you are to feel insecure about their performance, which I have found can translate to how you feel about the sideline. It’s easier to be serene and friendly when your kid is helping the team and other parents respond positively to their play. The opposite is true as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do realize soccer is a team sport, don’t you? That means the team will win or lose based on multiple kids’ actions. It also means a forward and Gk are generally not competing for playing time.

We have a group of kids and parents we are friendly with, including a few that have moved to other clubs. We are positive during games, but, yes, we will talk afterwards within our family about who played poorly and why. I want our kid to learn from that, so they avoid the same mistakes and also can help out their friend. We praise teammates’ play even more frequently. I have found the most important part is not to talk about the outcome (a goal scored, a missed shot, a turnover in front of our goal), but what led to it (a great through ball, a bad pass, a teammate not helping out on defense).

The only time it gets a little edgy is when a kid has a bad attitude, is blaming teammates, etc. then we’ll be a little more pointed. But we’re generally not friendly with those kids’ parents.

Conveniently you basically have suggested your kid isn't one of these mistake-prone players.

[Anonymous]

OP is accurate at higher levels. People sh*T on you when you least expect it. They love you as long as it’s good for them but at the end of the day they are fake and don’t truly cheer on your kid. They don’t like you and they talk about you behind your back. People disgust me in soccer.

[Anonymous]

I would also like to add something. My daughter played soccer until 6th grade. She was always the dominant player. She also picked up lax in 4th and slowly played it more and more. Without question the comradery with lax was exponentially more evident. They dress up for practice, where the silly eye black and text and tik tok constantly. (Let's set those last 2 aside..)

I sincerely never experienced that with soccer. Granted it was rec, but she also constantly played with the same girls during all stars.

[Anonymous]

High level soccer is cut throat. Lots of disinformation purposely put out to throw families off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys or Girls - doesn’t matter. There are no friends in soccer. The players have friends but the parents on your sideline are not friends. They seem nice? They seem helpful? Given a choice, the other parents you share so many moments with will talk about your kid, and given a choice they will throw you under the bus, your kid under the bus just to get ahead.

If you dare do something nice trying to be different than the others - those people will abuse your kindness and crap on you. Be warned and find friends away from your club. Stay close enough to help your son (or daughter) keep their friendships.

Soccer is brutal. Wish I lived in Maryland or had a daughter even though I see much daughter drama there

This sounds like a bitter parent who craves drama and never accepts responsibility for anything. I bet DC is the same.

And, yeah, I am sure the parents in Maryland are different. Clown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys or Girls - doesn’t matter. There are no friends in soccer. The players have friends but the parents on your sideline are not friends. They seem nice? They seem helpful? Given a choice, the other parents you share so many moments with will talk about your kid, and given a choice they will throw you under the bus, your kid under the bus just to get ahead.

If you dare do something nice trying to be different than the others - those people will abuse your kindness and crap on you. Be warned and find friends away from your club. Stay close enough to help your son (or daughter) keep their friendships.

Soccer is brutal. Wish I lived in Maryland or had a daughter even though I see much daughter drama there

sorry you arent a nice enough person and this has happened to you.

Your experience isnt the norm though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also like to add something. My daughter played soccer until 6th grade. She was always the dominant player. She also picked up lax in 4th and slowly played it more and more. Without question the comradery with lax was exponentially more evident. They dress up for practice, where the silly eye black and text and tik tok constantly. (Let's set those last 2 aside..)

I sincerely never experienced that with soccer. Granted it was rec, but she also constantly played with the same girls during all stars.

My DD has had the opposite experience. Soccer’s been fine and lax was toxic.