How to rediscover your independence, reinvigorate social life at this stage of pandemic

[Anonymous]

It's become clear to me that I've grown too dependent on my spouse for emotional support, etc. due to our pandemic bubble. He's pushing me away (subtly), probably unconsciously, and I don't blame him. (Ok at first this hurt a lot, but I now see I've become too dependent, which is a turn off.).

This should be easy to fix in theory, but some of my old go-to activities no longer exist and I feel like I lost touch with a lot of people due to how people prioritized contacts over the course of the pandemic. What also makes it hard is that people are still approaching covid risks differently, so it's still feeling awkward initiating social activities.

What are good ways to re-connect with people you haven't seen in a long time? What about meeting new people? I've started to give meetup a try - seems kind of crazy, but I need things like that where I'm engaged on my own, as opposed to only having an identity through my spouse or kids.

Does this sound familiar to anyone reading this? What works/helps in this kind of situation?

[Anonymous]

Was just talking about this to my neighbor AND my sister. Just begin reaching out - force yourself, and don’t be shy or take no personally. Your friends miss you- they just can’t figure out the same thing. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

then you'll be back here saying you met a man who gave you the attention you needed.

[Anonymous]

Starting again by texting friends and now meeting for breakfast at home or at patio dining in restaurants.

Baby steps and all. Another thing is that we no longer want the same kind of socializing that we did pre-pandemic. We want to be balanced now. Not swing from one extreme to another. We like socializing and we like some quite time to ourselves too.

[Anonymous]

How are you approaching them - are you asking them if they're up for meeting in person?

Also, can you relate to the too much togetherness issue with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

I started looking into meet ups, you can get the app on your phone, depending on where you live there might be some really cool stuff to do and cool people to do it with.
I saw one for a birdwatching group and another where everyone gets together to watch bridesmaids on someone’s porch; I could have fun in a broom closet so either of these would be perfectly acceptable, maybe you’ll find something you’d like to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started looking into meet ups, you can get the app on your phone, depending on where you live there might be some really cool stuff to do and cool people to do it with.
I saw one for a birdwatching group and another where everyone gets together to watch bridesmaids on someone’s porch; I could have fun in a broom closet so either of these would be perfectly acceptable, maybe you’ll find something you’d like to try.

Is the app better than the website?

[Anonymous]

My solution may not work for your situation, but my family has been doing really well inviting whole families over for outside play time, dinner, and fire pit. My kids are the right age for this (8 and 5), and every single family we've invited has eagerly taken up the invitation. Sometimes we've cooked, sometimes we've just ordered pizza, but it's always been easy and fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My solution may not work for your situation, but my family has been doing really well inviting whole families over for outside play time, dinner, and fire pit. My kids are the right age for this (8 and 5), and every single family we've invited has eagerly taken up the invitation. Sometimes we've cooked, sometimes we've just ordered pizza, but it's always been easy and fun.

Sure, maybe. But I think I need to do things to enrich me as a person, not as wife or mother, but as an individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's become clear to me that I've grown too dependent on my spouse for emotional support, etc. due to our pandemic bubble. He's pushing me away (subtly), probably unconsciously, and I don't blame him. (Ok at first this hurt a lot, but I now see I've become too dependent, which is a turn off.).

This should be easy to fix in theory, but some of my old go-to activities no longer exist and I feel like I lost touch with a lot of people due to how people prioritized contacts over the course of the pandemic. What also makes it hard is that people are still approaching covid risks differently, so it's still feeling awkward initiating social activities.

What are good ways to re-connect with people you haven't seen in a long time? What about meeting new people? I've started to give meetup a try - seems kind of crazy, but I need things like that where I'm engaged on my own, as opposed to only having an identity through my spouse or kids.

Does this sound familiar to anyone reading this? What works/helps in this kind of situation?

Just go out and do stuff again. It is that simple.

Find the people who aren't paranoid about Covid and live your life.

[Anonymous]

Don’t feel awkward. More people are reconnecting now with the boosters coming out. Just text and ask them if they might like to have lunch, coffee, or a walk and catch up. Most people are ok with outdoors at this point. Just pretend that everyone’s been away on a long trip and they’re finally coming back.

Re: activities, do you have any access to networks via your kids’ schools or church or whatever? You can send out a note on a mailing list saying the activity and asking if anyone wants to join.

[Anonymous]

I joined a book club in my local area. It’s virtual for now but I imagine will eventually transition to in person. It’s been really nice to have something of my own that I don’t share with my spouse and kids. I also started having lunch with coworkers periodically and reaching out to friends more. These small steps have done a lot for my mental health.

[Anonymous]

Join Nextdoor. The one I'm on has weekly dinner meetups, occasional walk meetups, and book clubs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I joined a book club in my local area. It’s virtual for now but I imagine will eventually transition to in person. It’s been really nice to have something of my own that I don’t share with my spouse and kids. I also started having lunch with coworkers periodically and reaching out to friends more. These small steps have done a lot for my mental health.

How did your book club get started? Tbh, I only read when I'm really into a book/topic, so it might not be for me.

[Anonymous]

I would start by reaching out to people you really like for a coffee and outdoor walk, or dinner if you are at that level of comfort. If I invite kids for a play date, I will often invite the mother to stay for tea or coffee. Baby steps like that should work well while you’re trying to feel things out.