Cost of Gestational Carrier who is family

[Anonymous]

Hello all,

Anyone have a family member or friend carry their baby and could share estimated cost? I know it would be cheaper versus going the agency route with someone you don’t know, but want to have a ball park difference. TIA

[Anonymous]

75% of the going rate plus bonus for twins. It takes a lot of self control to just let the pregnancy and the surrogate live her life. Signed— we did it.

[Anonymous]

Are you asking about the cost of the fee you'd pay the GC? That's possibly the only place you'd be saving and it would depend on how much your relative was willing to accept, I'd think. Undoubtedly some do it for free, but not everyone would. You'd still need to pay a lawyer to handle an agreement and the paperwork, all the med costs, and presumably you'd be compensating your relative for things like their necessary time off work (if she works), mileage, maybe childcare, clothing, housecleaning help, etc. So yes, you'd save some money but not as much as it might seem. Of course it's not nothing! In our research we have generally seen fees ranging from $25K-$50K and they can go higher for repeat GCs who have demonstrated they can successfully carry a surrogate pregnancy to term.

Anyway, I agree with PP that I'd be wary of doing this because there are so many ways it could have negative long-term impacts on your extended family relationships, but you know your family best and it could work. When I was looking at surrogacy I found this blog helpful - in her case, her SIL carried her baby for her: https://medinaivf.wordpress.com/.

[Anonymous]

I am OP. My SIL offered. She really wants to help us. I am just curious to know how much money would be saved. I am aware of the issues that can arise. Just trying to have s better understanding regarding costs. We wouldn’t be paying her and wouldn’t need an agency for matching, so trying to figure out the difference in cost.

[Anonymous]

My best friend did this because she had cancer and couldn’t carry a kid. So, her husband’s sister carried their child. The actual egg freezing/embryo stuff was paid for largely through foundation supporting women with cancer.

The cost to my friend was significant, of course, but she said it was less than half of what they were seeing to use a stranger. They didn’t pay the sister, but covered all medical expenses and I believe also put some money into the sister’s kids college fund.

There are also some significant legal expenses, but probably fairly similar to what you’d need to pay with a surrogate in any situation.

Btw, it all worked out totally fine. Baby is now a healthy toddler. In some ways the story has a somewhat muddled end because the sister became an anti-vaxxer qanon person so they don’t really talk anymore, but that’s sort of beside the point.

Sorry I can’t give you actual numbers, aside from what they told me about saving ‘significant’ money doing it this way.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have to pay her. Maybe not as much as you would pay a stranger, but something. The clinics, lawyers, psychologists, etc. who are all REQUIRED to approve all of this are going to see it as a red flag if she's getting no compensation at all. Also, that might invalidate the contract (and no, you can't do this without a contract).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have to pay her. Maybe not as much as you would pay a stranger, but something. The clinics, lawyers, psychologists, etc. who are all REQUIRED to approve all of this are going to see it as a red flag if she's getting no compensation at all. Also, that might invalidate the contract (and no, you can't do this without a contract).

I am pretty sure this would be altruistic. Most friends/family do this out of kindness for a loved one. That is why OP was asking about costs. Many people have carried a baby for a friend and family without compensation.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree that you have to pay her or it's a red flag. OP, if your SIL is willing to do it for you without you paying her, that's a remarkably lovely gift.

Trying to remember off the cuff our expenses from about 3 years ago: you will still need to pay a lawyer to draft up a contract and handle the paperwork around a birth certificate for you. That'll probably be around $10-$12K. Then you'll need to pay the IVF fees plus meds, which with no insurance may be around $20-25K - and that's IF you're lucky and get viable embryos from the first cycle; it could easily be double that or more. There'll be probably ~$2K in psychiatry fees because a reputable clinic is going to require you, your surrogate, and then the two of you together + your spouses if you both have them, to do a psychological consult before proceeding.

You'd want to make sure your SIL's health insurance will cover her pregnancy when she is acting as a surrogate - some policies have specific exclusions, in which case you'd be on the hook for all expenses related to the carrying and birth out of pocket. You'll have to cover all the deductibles and extras for her, so maybe around $5K-$10K there. If you cover things like housecleaning, childcare, maternity clothing, mileage for her doctor visits, etc., that could easily be another $5K. With our GC we also paid about $1K for a short term life insurance policy in case the worst happened and an additional several hundred dollars for insurance to cover compensation if she e.g. had to have a hysterectomy as a result of the pregnancy, had to have a C-section, etc. If she needs to take time off work and you will be compensating her for that, that's a variable. Also consider what would happen if she needs to go on bed rest at some point in the pregnancy and how you'd handle compensation for that.

A lawyer who is experienced in this field can really help you understand the costs and factors involved and I'd highly recommend talking to one of them before proceeding further. They'll be able to give you a real understanding of the likely costs involved and share all the variety of things you have no idea you don't know that you really will want to think about before proceeding. The cost of that consult would be very well worth it, and some surrogacy lawyers will give you a free consult up front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree that you have to pay her or it's a red flag. OP, if your SIL is willing to do it for you without you paying her, that's a remarkably lovely gift.

Trying to remember off the cuff our expenses from about 3 years ago: you will still need to pay a lawyer to draft up a contract and handle the paperwork around a birth certificate for you. That'll probably be around $10-$12K. Then you'll need to pay the IVF fees plus meds, which with no insurance may be around $20-25K - and that's IF you're lucky and get viable embryos from the first cycle; it could easily be double that or more. There'll be probably ~$2K in psychiatry fees because a reputable clinic is going to require you, your surrogate, and then the two of you together + your spouses if you both have them, to do a psychological consult before proceeding.

You'd want to make sure your SIL's health insurance will cover her pregnancy when she is acting as a surrogate - some policies have specific exclusions, in which case you'd be on the hook for all expenses related to the carrying and birth out of pocket. You'll have to cover all the deductibles and extras for her, so maybe around $5K-$10K there. If you cover things like housecleaning, childcare, maternity clothing, mileage for her doctor visits, etc., that could easily be another $5K. With our GC we also paid about $1K for a short term life insurance policy in case the worst happened and an additional several hundred dollars for insurance to cover compensation if she e.g. had to have a hysterectomy as a result of the pregnancy, had to have a C-section, etc. If she needs to take time off work and you will be compensating her for that, that's a variable. Also consider what would happen if she needs to go on bed rest at some point in the pregnancy and how you'd handle compensation for that.

A lawyer who is experienced in this field can really help you understand the costs and factors involved and I'd highly recommend talking to one of them before proceeding further. They'll be able to give you a real understanding of the likely costs involved and share all the variety of things you have no idea you don't know that you really will want to think about before proceeding. The cost of that consult would be very well worth it, and some surrogacy lawyers will give you a free consult up front.

Thanks. I already have embryos made thank god. So the IVF part would only be transfers.

[Anonymous]

Our total cost was around $80,000 including the agency matching fee of $25,000. You won’t have to pay that but there will still be legal fees involved for the contract and the birth order naming you as the parents. The counseling sessions at the clinic will also cost you. If you are in the DMV area I would suggest getting a consultation with Jennifer Fairfax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our total cost was around $80,000 including the agency matching fee of $25,000. You won’t have to pay that but there will still be legal fees involved for the contract and the birth order naming you as the parents. The counseling sessions at the clinic will also cost you. If you are in the DMV area I would suggest getting a consultation with Jennifer Fairfax.

Did you find your own surrogate or did you use an agency to find one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our total cost was around $80,000 including the agency matching fee of $25,000. You won’t have to pay that but there will still be legal fees involved for the contract and the birth order naming you as the parents. The counseling sessions at the clinic will also cost you. If you are in the DMV area I would suggest getting a consultation with Jennifer Fairfax.

Did you find your own surrogate or did you use an agency to find one?

Agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our total cost was around $80,000 including the agency matching fee of $25,000. You won’t have to pay that but there will still be legal fees involved for the contract and the birth order naming you as the parents. The counseling sessions at the clinic will also cost you. If you are in the DMV area I would suggest getting a consultation with Jennifer Fairfax.

Did you find your own surrogate or did you use an agency to find one?

Agency.

What agency did you use? 80,000 is extremely low for what I am seeing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our total cost was around $80,000 including the agency matching fee of $25,000. You won’t have to pay that but there will still be legal fees involved for the contract and the birth order naming you as the parents. The counseling sessions at the clinic will also cost you. If you are in the DMV area I would suggest getting a consultation with Jennifer Fairfax.

Did you find your own surrogate or did you use an agency to find one?

Agency.

What agency did you use? 80,000 is extremely low for what I am seeing!

Why is it low? This covers the agency fee, surrogate compensation and other random costs. We paid for the IVF and transfers separately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am OP. My SIL offered. She really wants to help us. I am just curious to know how much money would be saved. I am aware of the issues that can arise. Just trying to have s better understanding regarding costs. We wouldn’t be paying her and wouldn’t need an agency for matching, so trying to figure out the difference in cost.

Has she finished having her own children?