Finally letting go of need for (impossible to get) approval from mom at 37!

[Anonymous]

And it feels so good. I’ve really recognized lately how many things I subconsciously do to get mom’s approval, and also that she seems to purposely withhold it (not sure what that’s about for her). Recognizing all of this has really been helping me let go. Mom will always pick at me and find fault in things no matter what, so I’m just going to do things the way I like from now on and share the positive emotions I crave with other people who are capable of sharing love and support.

Fortunately mom lives far away, so DH and DC can just plan our special events where we hope to share joy with those we love strategically to exclude her and just use plausible deniability to keep contact on the low end.

In the past I would have felt the need to tell her how much she pissed me off/ hurt me and threatened not to expose myself again (and then of course go back on that later), but I finally let go of the need to have her “get it.” I don’t want to punish her or make her aware that I will be protecting myself, just subtly keep her at arm’s length and without making a big thing of it. This feels like a real emotional shift for me.

[Anonymous]

Congrats OP! I have a difficult mom myself and I’m still on the journey at 40. I wish you all the best!

[Anonymous]

Agreed, it is a journey and life-long process. OP, wishing you the best and congrats on beginning your healing.

[Anonymous]

Better late than never, right?

[Anonymous]

Still working on this at 44…and trying to figure out how to not repeat the pattern with my own kids.

[Anonymous]

Congrats OP, it feels great hey. I have implemented the same type of thing with my own mom. It use to feel like I was punishing her but now I see it as self protection. It really is a life long process but congrats on your emotional shift, that's a huge effort to get there. Wishing you all the best.