Does your extended family (parents; siblings) stress you out?

[Anonymous]

I live on the same coast as them so I have to see them a few times a year - and we do see both sides just a few times a year, not like monthly. Yet it occurs to me that I'm so stressed about having to be with them and in their home (and yes it's the same if we stay in a hotel because it's this constant - ok we need to go to the house, we've taken a 4 hr break at the hotel etc.). I honestly think it's just about not doing things 100% the way you'd do them in your own home, you HAVE to make conversation in a way you don't with your own spouse since you see them daily, plus having people around who are asking questions, judging and elderly people giving you an overwhelming amount of health info (even if things are fine they go on and on about it in such a way that it makes you worry until you actually sit back and say it's fine, they're just discussing health the way older people do). I mean don't get me wrong, I love my family but the older I get, the more stressful it gets.

Anyone else?

I'm thinking next year Thanksgiving = Paris or someplace similar.

[Anonymous]

I am very close with my parents, and see them regularly because they live 10 minutes away. No stress in small doses, but being with them for an extended period of time (i.e. going on vacation and sharing a house) is hard for me, but I think that's more about me than it is about them. I have a hard time being in that close proximity for multiple days with anyone except for my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very close with my parents, and see them regularly because they live 10 minutes away. No stress in small doses, but being with them for an extended period of time (i.e. going on vacation and sharing a house) is hard for me, but I think that's more about me than it is about them. I have a hard time being in that close proximity for multiple days with anyone except for my spouse.

Ditto! Although I will say I spent the entire summer with my parents (and kids and spouse) and it was quite lovely and stress free, probably because we had committed to so much time that I didn’t feel the need to constantly talk or get evrrhthing in that usually has to be done in a few day visit

[Anonymous]

Yup, my parents just stayed with me for a week while my DH was on a work trip and while I'm glad my kid got quality time with them, I was nearly losing my mind by the time it was over. They are both incredibly self-centered, don't listen at all, demand a ton fo attention and accommodation, etc., but have pretty much no self-awareness of any of this.

Though there are moments of levity. My DC is at that "why? why? why?" stage and we work to answer as many question as we can but I do sometimes have to set some limits and have started suggesting they try figuring out some of this stuff on their own. Well, my dad (who is in his 70s) has been in this stage his entire life and he asks questions about everything constantly and it is exhausting. "Why did your neighbor plant those tress? Why is the sidewalk this width? Why does your refrigerator make that noise? Why is traffic so bad? Why is your dog like that?" and so on.

Well we were in the car together towards the end of the week and my dad was peppering me with these questions and I was getting exhausted and just saying "I don't know, Dad" and he was getting annoyed. Then DC piped up from the back seat, "Granpa, sometimes you have to try and figure some of these questions out on your own. You know what helps? If you have a hard question, think about it as you fall asleep and sometimes your dreams will answer it!" Which is verbatim stuff I've said in response to the "why?s" We all got a good laugh at it. My dad stopped asking questions for approximately 3 minutes. It was blissful.

[Anonymous]

Yes, very much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, my parents just stayed with me for a week while my DH was on a work trip and while I'm glad my kid got quality time with them, I was nearly losing my mind by the time it was over. They are both incredibly self-centered, don't listen at all, demand a ton fo attention and accommodation, etc., but have pretty much no self-awareness of any of this.

Though there are moments of levity. My DC is at that "why? why? why?" stage and we work to answer as many question as we can but I do sometimes have to set some limits and have started suggesting they try figuring out some of this stuff on their own. Well, my dad (who is in his 70s) has been in this stage his entire life and he asks questions about everything constantly and it is exhausting. "Why did your neighbor plant those tress? Why is the sidewalk this width? Why does your refrigerator make that noise? Why is traffic so bad? Why is your dog like that?" and so on.

Well we were in the car together towards the end of the week and my dad was peppering me with these questions and I was getting exhausted and just saying "I don't know, Dad" and he was getting annoyed. Then DC piped up from the back seat, "Granpa, sometimes you have to try and figure some of these questions out on your own. You know what helps? If you have a hard question, think about it as you fall asleep and sometimes your dreams will answer it!" Which is verbatim stuff I've said in response to the "why?s" We all got a good laugh at it. My dad stopped asking questions for approximately 3 minutes. It was blissful.

I’m so sorry! Thanks for the laughter. Your DC made my heart smile💗

[Anonymous]

We normally go to either Hawaii or Mexico for Thanksgiving. I do not have any family. DH has family on the opposite coast from us. We normally meet up with them 2 or 3 times a year. His parents are lovely. His cousins are ... not. They don't stress me out, but I do not enjoy spending time with them. Luckily we always have a lot to do and people to see when we're in town so we don't spend a ton of time together.

[Anonymous]

My husband’s family are great! Though it’s mildly stressful to be in their house only because I feel like I can’t totally relax/be lazy when I want. But they’re pretty stress free.

My family on the other hand are so incredibly stressful and crazy. It’s just nonstop screaming over nothing. My parents just scream at each other, at us, luckily not at the kids. But they’re awful to be around. There is almost zero pleasant conversation.

[Anonymous]

My parents are the opposite of stressful, because they are happy to do a bunch of chores and never expect to be entertained. They live on the west coast but my mom routinely comes to visit for several weeks so a time when we need help with childcare. My ILs are less relaxing for me because they expect formal meals and more socializing.

[Anonymous]

Nah, no stress. I feel very fortunate to have been raised by pretty chill parents. They’re not perfect, but they are perfectly wonderful. They are always comfortable in their own skin and raised us to do the same. My siblings (5 of them) and I have all turned out relatively stable. They will turn 80 in two years and are in relatively good health. I’m trying to enjoy visits with them as much as possible.

I recognize that this is not the norm and am forever grateful.

[Anonymous]

Yes. In fact this year I’m coming home for Thanksgiving and not telling them I’m there, and going to a friends’ house instead.

[Anonymous]

Yes. The tension between them even though their divorce was 20+ years ago. The resentment over who is getting more time, and certain hours being "worth" more than others. The logistics of schlepping my kids between them with all their objects and crap. The irritating new spouses and halfwit stepsiblings. The barely concealed eating disorders and denial of health problems, the constant resentment of me for moving away combined with constant complaining about the town I moved away from. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live on the same coast as them so I have to see them a few times a year - and we do see both sides just a few times a year, not like monthly. Yet it occurs to me that I'm so stressed about having to be with them and in their home (and yes it's the same if we stay in a hotel because it's this constant - ok we need to go to the house, we've taken a 4 hr break at the hotel etc.). I honestly think it's just about not doing things 100% the way you'd do them in your own home, you HAVE to make conversation in a way you don't with your own spouse since you see them daily, plus having people around who are asking questions, judging and elderly people giving you an overwhelming amount of health info (even if things are fine they go on and on about it in such a way that it makes you worry until you actually sit back and say it's fine, they're just discussing health the way older people do). I mean don't get me wrong, I love my family but the older I get, the more stressful it gets.

Anyone else?

I'm thinking next year Thanksgiving = Paris or someplace similar.

Yes, my family is dysfuctional and holidays are not enjoyable. I am trying to do better for my kids.

[Anonymous]

No stress with my parents or siblings. DH is an only child. FIL was a lovely person, MIL is difficult even for DH. Now that she’s alone it’s gotten worse but we manage.

[Anonymous]

My family is easy - laid back, do not require to be entertained, when the kids were little were helpful and now that they are older, we all engage. Also ok for anyone,, young,, old or in-between to take some space when needed.

My husband's family is stressful for everyone (even him). They are very conservative politically (DH and I are not), are not great at conversation and generally want to be waited on. They have no idea how to engage with young children, teens, or even their own adult children. We both talk about strategies when visiting g them and when they visit us, and at this point, we work to support each other and survive them.