how to explain nursing plus other things to 3.5 year old

[Anonymous]

I’m due in early December and have a sensitive 3.5 year old who has been with us at home since the pandemic (no school or around other kids). He’s obviously acting like an only child not spoiled but sharing with adults and not used to having another child around.

I’ve been prepping him slightly and he knows baby is coming sometimes asking me for how long will baby visit and when we told him I’m pregnant he said I want to be the only baby in the house.

So with this anxiety inducing stage set for me, how do I explain nursing to him? Are there books I could use? He knows babies only drink milk and need help and need to be changed or they cry instead of using words but …I can’t explain the nursing from boobs to get milk bit and I know this will take the most time and will puzzle him.

Taking any advice (I don’t need to hear the should be in preschool comments).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m due in early December and have a sensitive 3.5 year old who has been with us at home since the pandemic (no school or around other kids). He’s obviously acting like an only child not spoiled but sharing with adults and not used to having another child around.

I’ve been prepping him slightly and he knows baby is coming sometimes asking me for how long will baby visit and when we told him I’m pregnant he said I want to be the only baby in the house.

So with this anxiety inducing stage set for me, how do I explain nursing to him? Are there books I could use? He knows babies only drink milk and need help and need to be changed or they cry instead of using words but …I can’t explain the nursing from boobs to get milk bit and I know this will take the most time and will puzzle him.

Taking any advice (I don’t need to hear the should be in preschool comments).

What is difficult for you in explaining this? I would say that babies' drink milk that mommies make, and that the milk is made in/stored in mommy's breasts. You can talk about how he nursed too when he was a baby.

[Anonymous]

I think you are over thinking it. My son was just a few months older when his sister was born and had no trouble understanding I was feeding the baby. He saw it first in the hospital. I used breastfeeding, nursing, milk, breast milk when talking to him. It was very matter of fact.
I mean, he wasn’t puzzled by the fact that I grew the baby in my belly and then she came out one day. Breastfeeding, IMO, is much less confusing than that.

There are probably some kids book that show babies being breastfed. Googling for a list would probably work.
But I would not make a huge deal of it. Just read it like any other storybook of you get one.

[Anonymous]

Do you have photos of him nursing? Share those with him, talk about how it made him so big and healthy, talk about other things babies do but not him— diapers! Mushy food! No (favorite toy of his). And talk about what a good big brother does, what a daddy does, what a mommy does.

[Anonymous]

Nursing is not hard to explain. “Babies can’t have food yet! They drink milk. Mommy makes milk for the baby in her breasts. You drank milk from Mommy when you were a baby! Now you’re a big boy who eats pizza and apples and ice cream. One day your baby will do that too, but for now she will drink milk.”

[Anonymous]

OP here thank you all I don’t know why I’m so hung up on the nursing. He understands the mommy tummy growing babies and how doctors will help he knows the anatomical parts just …the nursing and pumping had me stuck. Okay I’ll be straightforward this was the only area where I wondered if I had to say something different to explain it so he gets the concept.

[Anonymous]

Start pumping him up about being a big boy. Look at all the big boy things he can do, gets to do, etc. Don't attach it to the baby, just introduce the idea that he's a big boy, rather than a baby.

[Anonymous]

3 year olds just take what you tell them in stride. He will think about it a whole lots less than a 7 year old. Pumping in front of my older one felt weird to me but I do not think he really thought about it much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here thank you all I don’t know why I’m so hung up on the nursing. He understands the mommy tummy growing babies and how doctors will help he knows the anatomical parts just …the nursing and pumping had me stuck. Okay I’ll be straightforward this was the only area where I wondered if I had to say something different to explain it so he gets the concept.

Don't stress out about and he will take his cues from you. Are you worried about him seeing your breasts? 3 year olds don't care I promise. They accept things like that and roll with it. You can show him some YouTube videos of calves or puppies nursing if you are really freaked out.

And be sure the baby brings him a cool toy!

[Anonymous]

There is also a book called “Mama’s Milk” that shows how different animals and people nurse babies.

[Anonymous]

1) He will handle this better if you manage your own anxiety about this. It seems to me that you are worried and stressed and bringing a lot of that to the table here.

2) Watch the episode of Mr. Rogers where they learn about where milk comes from and go to the dairy farm. Explain that human moms make milk for their babies just like cow moms.

3) I would not respond to “I want to be your baby” with “No, but it’s so great to be a big boy!” He is just looking for reassurance that he will still matter, get his needs met, and be allowed to need comfort. I would respond by telling him that he will always be your baby too, and giving a cuddle.

4) In the mean time, I would focus on the skills he will need. Think through your daily routines and if they would be impossible to manage with a baby too, change the routine NOW. E.g., a lot of parents of onlies go to the park and just follow their kid around. Tell him now that the new rule at the park is that you will sit on X bench and he can play in X section. If he wants to move to Y section he needs to come back to you so that you can move to the other bench with him. Or if he is not used to playing alone while you do something else nearby, start working on that. Put together some good solo toys like play-dough, puzzles, coloring books and crayons, etc. Have each item in it’s own little bin where he can reach them and take up a hobby that is incompatible with playing with him (read book, knit, etc.) and tell him you can have “Companion Time”. He gets out a bin and plays next to you while you do your thing for at least 10 minutes to start. Build up to about 20 minutes so he knows how to hang out nearby while you nurse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start pumping him up about being a big boy. Look at all the big boy things he can do, gets to do, etc. Don't attach it to the baby, just introduce the idea that he's a big boy, rather than a baby.

Nope, exact opposite advice. A 3.5 year old is still your baby. He doesnt have to be a big boy because another kid is coming along or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start pumping him up about being a big boy. Look at all the big boy things he can do, gets to do, etc. Don't attach it to the baby, just introduce the idea that he's a big boy, rather than a baby.

Nope, exact opposite advice. A 3.5 year old is still your baby. He doesnt have to be a big boy because another kid is coming along or not.

OP here yeah I’ve assured him he’ll always be my baby and I’ll love him, I’m following the reassurance script and prepping him.

Yeah I guess I’m weird about nursing myself and being seen while nursing so I’m projecting on how to handle.

He’s definitely acting out more and I am so anxious, sigh.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry about it. i never thought to explain it to my older one who was almost 3 when the baby arrived. But clearly he got it because he would shout, "the baby needs your milk, mommy!" every time the baby cried. And he started asking us for "Cow's milk in a cup" anytime he was thirsty lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start pumping him up about being a big boy. Look at all the big boy things he can do, gets to do, etc. Don't attach it to the baby, just introduce the idea that he's a big boy, rather than a baby.

Nope, exact opposite advice. A 3.5 year old is still your baby. He doesnt have to be a big boy because another kid is coming along or not.

OP here yeah I’ve assured him he’ll always be my baby and I’ll love him, I’m following the reassurance script and prepping him.

Yeah I guess I’m weird about nursing myself and being seen while nursing so I’m projecting on how to handle.

He’s definitely acting out more and I am so anxious, sigh.

Can you mix these two? You will always love him and care for him but now as he gets bigger, you can do fun things together like play, walk, read books, etc. You seem to conflate physically caring for someone with loving them, and that will be a problem when you physically care for the baby so much.