Marriage counselor - recommendations? (Incl. acohol misuse.) Gottman or EFT - pros and cons?

[Anonymous]

My husband has been going through something that bubbled up over the course of the pandemic. We both were also consuming alcohol more frequently and in larger amounts than before. This spring, his alcohol use took a turn. One of our teen kids observed that he acted like Jack Nicholson's character in The Shining when he argued with/picked fights with me. That said, he husband stopped drinking in early July, and resumed a moderate amount on weekends with limits he set for himself. At the three month mark, he had clearly changed his behavior and attitude, but also started to try this moderate, limited drinking. So far, so good, but it just makes me worried. All of this was accompanied by mid-life crisis behavior -making plans with his buddies for July 4th and NYE. He doesn't seem to understand why this undermines my confidence in the relationship - or, my confidence in his commitment to it.

I want to start marriage counseling but don't know where to start. Would Gottman or EFT be more effective? How did you choose your therapist and did it help?

[Anonymous]

^ when my spouse did that he was having an affair/no strings with a married woman. It was a very abrupt change marked by heavy alcohol use. He was not a drinker other than social prior. Also a major midlife crisis- late 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ when my spouse did that he was having an affair/no strings with a married woman. It was a very abrupt change marked by heavy alcohol use. He was not a drinker other than social prior. Also a major midlife crisis- late 40s.

What did you end up doing - are you still married and how did you manage through, if so?

[Anonymous]

We’ve had great experience with Gottman. No clue if it will help with your situation but it has helped our communication and it has also helped my husband better understand me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve had great experience with Gottman. No clue if it will help with your situation but it has helped our communication and it has also helped my husband better understand me

Thank you - would you be willing to recommend your therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ when my spouse did that he was having an affair/no strings with a married woman. It was a very abrupt change marked by heavy alcohol use. He was not a drinker other than social prior. Also a major midlife crisis- late 40s.

Same thing happened/is happening to me, except it's the DW with the affair and alcohol problem/abrupt personality change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been going through something that bubbled up over the course of the pandemic. We both were also consuming alcohol more frequently and in larger amounts than before. This spring, his alcohol use took a turn. One of our teen kids observed that he acted like Jack Nicholson's character in The Shining when he argued with/picked fights with me. That said, he husband stopped drinking in early July, and resumed a moderate amount on weekends with limits he set for himself. At the three month mark, he had clearly changed his behavior and attitude, but also started to try this moderate, limited drinking. So far, so good, but it just makes me worried. All of this was accompanied by mid-life crisis behavior -making plans with his buddies for July 4th and NYE. He doesn't seem to understand why this undermines my confidence in the relationship - or, my confidence in his commitment to it.

I want to start marriage counseling but don't know where to start. Would Gottman or EFT be more effective? How did you choose your therapist and did it help?

EFT. Gottman on,y scratches the surface, eft gets into the underlying attachment , foundational issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been going through something that bubbled up over the course of the pandemic. We both were also consuming alcohol more frequently and in larger amounts than before. This spring, his alcohol use took a turn. One of our teen kids observed that he acted like Jack Nicholson's character in The Shining when he argued with/picked fights with me. That said, he husband stopped drinking in early July, and resumed a moderate amount on weekends with limits he set for himself. At the three month mark, he had clearly changed his behavior and attitude, but also started to try this moderate, limited drinking. So far, so good, but it just makes me worried. All of this was accompanied by mid-life crisis behavior -making plans with his buddies for July 4th and NYE. He doesn't seem to understand why this undermines my confidence in the relationship - or, my confidence in his commitment to it.

I want to start marriage counseling but don't know where to start. Would Gottman or EFT be more effective? How did you choose your therapist and did it help?

EFT. Gottman on,y scratches the surface, eft gets into the underlying attachment , foundational issues

Appreciate this - can you elaborate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ when my spouse did that he was having an affair/no strings with a married woman. It was a very abrupt change marked by heavy alcohol use. He was not a drinker other than social prior. Also a major midlife crisis- late 40s.

Same thing happened/is happening to me, except it's the DW with the affair and alcohol problem/abrupt personality change.

I'm sorry. It's awful.