Parents with long work hours and kids - how much sleep?

[Anonymous]

I have a 1 year old who sleeps very well at night and work 55-60 hours per week at an intense job. When I am home, I either spend time with my toddler or do house admin / toddler stuff.

We see friends with the toddler once per week usually.

With everything I almost never manage to get more than 6.5 hours of sleep. I feel chronically exhausted. I've always needed more than 7.

What else can I cut?

I don't do a lot of house chores, we have someone come in every 2 weeks and I do very little in between. I also only cook for the baby. But there's random stuff that comes up all the time - like we need a new nanny now, our fridge broke down, toddler needs another doctor appointment, had a leak - point is, there is always something.

I don't exercise so I cut that out as well but I walk quite a bit - work in the office 4 days a week and then walk with the toddler.

I don't watch TV b/c I don't have time.

What else can I outsource other than additional childcare?

[Anonymous]

Let the new nanny cook and grocery shop for the baby (our nanny grocery shops before she comes in) as well as the baby’s laundry.

That’s all I can see on your schedule that you can drop.

[Anonymous]

1) what hours does your toddler sleep? If he’s getting up to early in the morning, some sleep training it improved sleep hygiene may help you.
2) are you a single parent? If not, where is your partner in all this? Sounds like he/she isn’t doing half the load.

[Anonymous]

Find a new job. I’m not being snarky either, the job you have right now doesn’t allow you to have the life you want for yourself or your child. I work 12 hour days too but not 5 days a week. Money isn’t everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) what hours does your toddler sleep? If he’s getting up to early in the morning, some sleep training it improved sleep hygiene may help you.
2) are you a single parent? If not, where is your partner in all this? Sounds like he/she isn’t doing half the load.

I would add - can you tick tock out your evening for us? After the toddler goes to sleep? That might help us figure it out. With no TV or socializing, if your kid is in bed by 8, you should be able to be in bed by 10, I would think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) what hours does your toddler sleep? If he’s getting up to early in the morning, some sleep training it improved sleep hygiene may help you.
2) are you a single parent? If not, where is your partner in all this? Sounds like he/she isn’t doing half the load.

1) He sleeps well; usually 730-630 or so.

2) He does more childcare than me in the sense of watching the child on weekdays. I often leave home around 630 in the morning as I need to be at work by 730. He does stuff. There's just so much stuff to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) what hours does your toddler sleep? If he’s getting up to early in the morning, some sleep training it improved sleep hygiene may help you.
2) are you a single parent? If not, where is your partner in all this? Sounds like he/she isn’t doing half the load.

I would add - can you tick tock out your evening for us? After the toddler goes to sleep? That might help us figure it out. With no TV or socializing, if your kid is in bed by 8, you should be able to be in bed by 10, I would think.

Sure:

Wake up 545. Leave house 630.

Return 6 - baby stuff until 730.

Dinner 730-8.

Work more 8-930.

House / baby stuff - again there is always something! 930-1030.

Prepare bed 1030-11.

Go to bed: 11.

[Anonymous]

The only solution it to work less. I work 8-4:30 and make over $150k. Its enough with dh working about 7-4 and bringing in the same amount. Just not worth it to work more and have less time for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only solution it to work less. I work 8-4:30 and make over $150k. Its enough with dh working about 7-4 and bringing in the same amount. Just not worth it to work more and have less time for life.

This, though my husband works longer hours (but with flexibility to do the work outside of business hours, which allows him to still be helpful around the house).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only solution it to work less. I work 8-4:30 and make over $150k. Its enough with dh working about 7-4 and bringing in the same amount. Just not worth it to work more and have less time for life.

OP here: I make 2X what my husband makes. He enjoys his career and also work 45 hours per week. That is why he does more childcare. But he also has time to relax and sleep more b/c he works less than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only solution it to work less. I work 8-4:30 and make over $150k. Its enough with dh working about 7-4 and bringing in the same amount. Just not worth it to work more and have less time for life.

This, though my husband works longer hours (but with flexibility to do the work outside of business hours, which allows him to still be helpful around the house).

OP: I have flexibility too other than the start time. BUT it still eats into my sleep. I am exhausted. TBH, 6.5 hours is not that little. It just does not cut it for me. I am starting to not be as sharp at work.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you need a new job. How much do you make? Perhaps you can get by with less? This doesn’t sound sustainable. Once your kids are older and have to go to practices and school events; you’ll be screwed if you can’t keep up now with a baby that sleeps a ton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) what hours does your toddler sleep? If he’s getting up to early in the morning, some sleep training it improved sleep hygiene may help you.
2) are you a single parent? If not, where is your partner in all this? Sounds like he/she isn’t doing half the load.

I would add - can you tick tock out your evening for us? After the toddler goes to sleep? That might help us figure it out. With no TV or socializing, if your kid is in bed by 8, you should be able to be in bed by 10, I would think.

Sure:

Wake up 545. Leave house 630.

Return 6 - baby stuff until 730.

Dinner 730-8.

Work more 8-930.

House / baby stuff - again there is always something! 930-1030.

Prepare bed 1030-11.

Go to bed: 11.

PP here. Okay, this is helpful. You are working or commuting 13 hrs a day. I agree with other posters that this is untenable. If I were you, I’d look for another job. But I value sleep. If you value your job that highly, I understand, no judgment, that’s just my personal preference. In lieu of that, is there anything you can do to get that 13 hours down? Can you WFH and eliminate your commute, even some days? Can you limit your work to a max of 1 hour in the evening? Anything?

The only other thing I can see is to shorten your morning routine by 15 mins so you can sleep until 6, and limit the baby house stuff to 45 mins a day. Set an alarm if you have to. Those two would get you another half hour of sleep, but honestly, might just make you feel rushed all the time, might not be a worthwhile trade off.

But bottom line - it’s clear this isn’t a time management issue. Work this much, time with your child, and adequate sleep. Pick two. That’s the math.

Whatever you do, do NOT have another kid.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is no way to live. If I'm reading correctly, you are spending a grand total of two hours with your baby a day? And you are exhausted, so it's likely rushed and hectic. Is that really how you want to live your life? There are other jobs. No job on this planet is worth that unless you are literally teetering on the edge of poverty. I would sell my expensive house, downsize and move away from the city. And one of us would go part time. Life goes by very quickly. You will never recover these years.

[Anonymous]

What is your plan when your child gets older? How are you going to manage your time when your child goes to bed closer to 8/8:30, wants to play t ball during the week, and you have weeknight back to school night and parent teacher conferences?

If you can’t quit your job, can you at least cut out that 8 pm second work shift?