Evening Routine How Hands On 4 Yr Old?

[Anonymous]

How independent is your 4 year old in the evening?

We have family dinner at 6, bedtime is 8. Often I’m busy cleaning or helping older kid with homework, and DH will be working or doing yard/home repair.

I’ve tried to get 4 yr to color on her own or look at books but she wants company or even for someone to play with her (card game, pretend kitchen, etc)

How have folks fostered independence in their preschooler?

[Anonymous]

You can make some time for a 4 year old over the course of 2 hours...especially if you are apart all day. Give her "homework". Let her sit at the table with other kids. Let her dry dishes or help you clean. Carve out some one on one time several days a week, The hosue will not fall down.

[Anonymous]

No. Even the most competent 4 yr old just wants company. We had some big talks about being independent. "Okay .... will you come play independently with me?"

[Anonymous]

I would say the evening from 6-8 is not when your DH should be doing home repairs/yard work.

Also, when is bedtime? My 4 yo goes up for bath at about 7:30 and is in bed at 8.

And what is going on for the rest of the day? Like, is your 4 yo at daycare all day and then you have dinner at 6 and then she's supposed to play alone til bedtime? That seems wrong.

[Anonymous]

The 6-8 time is when they need and get the most attention at our house . We have dinner at 6 and then pretty much focus on them or tag team dishes at the most and hang with the kids. Laundry etc is all done after kid bedtime. Sometimes she plays with her little sister for half an hour or takes a bath with her. but when i put the toddler to bed DH and the oldest play a game or build legos etc etc. its his chance to reconnect. We trade this off too and read books etc.

[Anonymous]

DH needs to not work or do chores. He needs to focus on the children/help with dinner/etc. The 4 year old has been apart from you all day and wants to reconnect with his parents.

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between independence and neglect. You want your kid to fill her own time because you're giving your attention to her sibling (!!!! Talk about paving the way for sibling rivalry...) and her dad is working in the yard. That's completely nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How independent is your 4 year old in the evening?

We have family dinner at 6, bedtime is 8. Often I’m busy cleaning or helping older kid with homework, and DH will be working or doing yard/home repair.

I’ve tried to get 4 yr to color on her own or look at books but she wants company or even for someone to play with her (card game, pretend kitchen, etc)

How have folks fostered independence in their preschooler?

Both your kids need to be more independent, your 4yo and older child. How much homework help does older child need every night? Also clean after all the kids are in bed. Sounds like you are just avoiding the younger kid and want to relax as soon as all the kids are in bed which is why you are cleaning from 6-8, so you get your "me" time in. I get it, but you might need to rethink your strategy because it's not working and is short changing the 4yo a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How independent is your 4 year old in the evening?

We have family dinner at 6, bedtime is 8. Often I’m busy cleaning or helping older kid with homework, and DH will be working or doing yard/home repair.

I’ve tried to get 4 yr to color on her own or look at books but she wants company or even for someone to play with her (card game, pretend kitchen, etc)

How have folks fostered independence in their preschooler?

Both your kids need to be more independent, your 4yo and older child. How much homework help does older child need every night? Also clean after all the kids are in bed. Sounds like you are just avoiding the younger kid and want to relax as soon as all the kids are in bed which is why you are cleaning from 6-8, so you get your "me" time in. I get it, but you might need to rethink your strategy because it's not working and is short changing the 4yo a bit.

Actually, no I don't get me time, I have to work more after kids go to bed.

The older child struggles in school, probably ADHD or something similar. It's not every night, but its often enough that our youngest is whining often.

DH wants to spend time with the kid, but we have a yard situation that is dangerous and we haven't had the time to fix it (i was sick, he was sick, weekend work, etc).

[Anonymous]

DDs 4 and 6 usually play together, 6yo doesn't have homework. If one has to do a project, I usually set the other one up with something at the table with us. If older DD is doing something else, 4yo might help me out with whatever I need to do. Expecting independence once in awhile might work out, but not every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How independent is your 4 year old in the evening?

We have family dinner at 6, bedtime is 8. Often I’m busy cleaning or helping older kid with homework, and DH will be working or doing yard/home repair.

I’ve tried to get 4 yr to color on her own or look at books but she wants company or even for someone to play with her (card game, pretend kitchen, etc)

How have folks fostered independence in their preschooler?

Both your kids need to be more independent, your 4yo and older child. How much homework help does older child need every night? Also clean after all the kids are in bed. Sounds like you are just avoiding the younger kid and want to relax as soon as all the kids are in bed which is why you are cleaning from 6-8, so you get your "me" time in. I get it, but you might need to rethink your strategy because it's not working and is short changing the 4yo a bit.

Actually, no I don't get me time, I have to work more after kids go to bed.

The older child struggles in school, probably ADHD or something similar. It's not every night, but its often enough that our youngest is whining often.

DH wants to spend time with the kid, but we have a yard situation that is dangerous and we haven't had the time to fix it (i was sick, he was sick, weekend work, etc).

If DH needs a few days or a week to fix something then you cover those nights...Maybe after a few hours of repair, DC could play near DH out side and fetch him tools or hold things for him..

[Anonymous]

We eat at 5:30, and then my 4 year old gets to watch a show after dinner for a little while we take care of house things (DH walks the dog, dishes are done, etc). We head up to start bedtime at 7, with a bath, picking out clothing for the next day, and then bedtime stories, in bed by 8. Mine would not be independent after dinner if it wasn't the time she gets her show though.

[Anonymous]

as a quiet activity to wind down, mine started that at closer to 6. Otherwise, it was all about being read to and I will limit the number of books but never say no.

A two hour window is too long for a 4 year old to play independently, even if dinner is included in that. You and your DH owe the kid some of that time.

[Anonymous]

I feel your husband on the yard/house work. You need daylight to do the yard and you can’t use a drill after bedtime. But I think the 4 year old should be helping with that stuff. It sounds like we’re talking about between dinner and bedtime, not actual bedtime, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a difference between independence and neglect. You want your kid to fill her own time because you're giving your attention to her sibling (!!!! Talk about paving the way for sibling rivalry...) and her dad is working in the yard. That's completely nuts.

I'm assuming this kid is in school all day... wondering when the parents thought they would be spending time with their kid on the weekdays?