Confront or no?

[Anonymous]

We have a full time nanny and a part time sitter who comes one afternoon a week because our nanny takes classes at night. Both are newish - we’ve had them each for about 2 months. But we, and my kids, really like both.

About 2 weeks ago I noticed one of my necklaces was missing. I keep my jewelry on a stand in my bedroom and the door to our room is always closed (but who’s to say someone can’t go in there). It was a pretty expensive necklace with some diamonds, and it was special since DH gave it to me. Right afterward I asked both the sitter and nanny very casually if they had seen it anywhere and positioned it as maybe I misplaced it since I did not want to be accusatory. Neither had seen it or claimed they knew which necklace I was talking about and I let it go because I don’t know what else I can do without accusing both when one person is obviously innocent.

Fast forward and last night DH is getting a bottle of wine to drink from our wine fridge and notices a space that wasn’t there with one bottle missing. It was a bottle of very expensive champagne given to him as a gift and it’s gone. We absolutely didn’t drink it and DH actually moved it from one spot to another about a week before then so it was definitely there.

Clearly someone is stealing but I don’t know how to figure it out without offending one person and likely souring the whole relationship. There is no one else who comes into our house so it has to be one of them.

How would you approach this? I can ask about the champagne but they will both just deny it.

We do have a camera in our basement but we have a pretty big house so it would be awkward to put them all over now.

[Anonymous]

With DH by your side, I’d seat them together and tell them you know one of them is stealing and they have two minutes to be honest before you fire both of them. Then start a timer and stare in silence. The innocent one will freak out at the thief and you will have your answer.

[Anonymous]

Did you check references? Can you go back and contact them again to ask about anything missing? This isn’t the first time the thief has stolen anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With DH by your side, I’d seat them together and tell them you know one of them is stealing and they have two minutes to be honest before you fire both of them. Then start a timer and stare in silence. The innocent one will freak out at the thief and you will have your answer.

Smart. Are you Solomon??

[Anonymous]

I would get rid of them both and start over. No need to bring up a reason. You can say that you are going to try to doing yourself from now on and just wrap things up and say goodbye.

[Anonymous]

First, year the house apart looking for the missing items. Look everywhere. If you have a toddler look in places you can’t imagine like behind couch cushions and inside trucks. My toddler is infamous for squirreling stuff away.

I doubt anyone would steal a big bottle of wine unless they come to your house with a huge backpack. I am sure DH moved it.

Second, when you have truly searched everywhere and are absolutely certain the items aren’t in your house, and you are sure no cleaners, workers, or anyone else could have taken it, ask both but do not accuse. And let both go.

[Anonymous]

Start looking for one full tine Nanny now. Let the other two go.

[Anonymous]

Don’t confront. Both items are somewhere in your house. No one starts stealing suddenly, especially the full time nanny, without a trail of bad references. And as the PP said, how would someone get a bottle of champagne out of your house?

Being accused of stealing is a terrible accusation. You can ruin someone’s life.

[Anonymous]

Tell the one afternoon sitter they are not needed.
Wait to see if anything else is gone.
Repeat with the other nanny if needed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t confront. Both items are somewhere in your house. No one starts stealing suddenly, especially the full time nanny, without a trail of bad references. And as the PP said, how would someone get a bottle of champagne out of your house?

Being accused of stealing is a terrible accusation. You can ruin someone’s life.

Um, hide it in a backpack? What’s so difficult about getting a bottle out of the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With DH by your side, I’d seat them together and tell them you know one of them is stealing and they have two minutes to be honest before you fire both of them. Then start a timer and stare in silence. The innocent one will freak out at the thief and you will have your answer.

And the thief won't freak out? This won't work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t confront. Both items are somewhere in your house. No one starts stealing suddenly, especially the full time nanny, without a trail of bad references. And as the PP said, how would someone get a bottle of champagne out of your house?

Being accused of stealing is a terrible accusation. You can ruin someone’s life.

Um, hide it in a backpack? What’s so difficult about getting a bottle out of the house?

A magnum of champagne is big! Our nanny doesn’t carry a huge backpack around.

[Anonymous]

They didn't take it. You lock your crap up and stop crying about them. DH took them to AP's house; the two things go together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They didn't take it. You lock your crap up and stop crying about them. DH took them to AP's house; the two things go together.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn't take it. You lock your crap up and stop crying about them. DH took them to AP's house; the two things go together.

Huh?

It does sound plausible. Her DH took both to give to his girlfriend. Or just the champagne and the necklace is misplaced.