Lesbian and Transwoman/ Gay and transmen

[Anonymous]

After reading the BBC article I am curious to understand how do these relationships work, if it all. If you are lesbian or gay, are you attracted to the same trans gender? I am sure this must be complicated to navigate for all parties.

[Anonymous]

I’m so over our cultural obsession with what people do with their private parts.

Meanwhile, education has totally fallen apart, the country is becoming a series of tribal factions who harbor irrational hate for one another, and China is eating our lunch while we squabble.

[Anonymous]

Amazingly, it's not too complicated for people: they get a crush on someone, see if it's requited, and go from there. Sometimes the relationship works out and sometimes it doesn't. So it's like any other romantic relationship regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation.

You might want to consider why it's so important to you that you understand this. Are you in a relationship? Are you looking for a relationship? Are you wondering if you are transgender? Are you attracted to someone who is? Are you curious about other relationships you read about in articles or those of people you know in real life? Does a relationship have to make sense to you for it to be valid?

[Anonymous]

Agree. This is a problem that no one is willing to talk about that needs to be talked about.

[Anonymous]

OP are you able to link to the article?
I’m part of this community. I don’t see many couplings like in the subject line. Most common couple I’ve seen involving transgender individuals is lesbian + transman, usually when transman is not fully medically transitioned.
I believe, though I would never say out loud, that this is because lesbians are still attracted to the woman underneath the transman.
I’m a lesbian who has found herself attracted to masc-of-center, non cis-identified biological females. Fully transitioned transmen look like men and I am not attracted to them.

[Anonymous]

I feel like the UK/England is obsessed with trans people right now for some reason. Even compared to the US where it became a political wedge issue in 2016.

These weird scenarios that people come up with using some extreme outliers then expanding it to include every person in a community to say they're all a certain way are pretty silly. One person expects lesbians to sleep with her even though she hasn't fully transitioned and gets mad when they won't therefore all trans women do that. That logic is unsound. Trans people are an extreme minority of the population and an extreme minority of that group are the ones that people are putting a microscope on and using as examples.

You can't even have a genuine discussion with certain people because they choose to believe that trans people are fake or making it up. If you asked any trans person if the would have preferred to have been born a CIS male or female, they would say yes. Transitioning is difficult, expensive, and time consuming. You also lose friends and family. People don't do this for fun but if you want to keep focusing on trans women and insist that they want to take estrogen and change their bodies just to get with lesbians then sure, go for it.

[Anonymous]

Lesbian here, my last girlfriend had a good friend who is a transwoman. I liked this friend, thought she was interesting, did not see her as a threat in any way.
I’m in touch with my GF after we broke up and she told me that after she and I broke up, this friend started giving a lot of attention to my ex that was making her feel uncomfortable, and then confessed that she had feelings for her, which was something Definitely NOT reciprocated by my ex. Ex had to navigate how to appropriately respond to this unwanted advance, which to my knowledge she has done, but the situation made her extremely uncomfortable.
I did not see it coming but it’s driving me a little crazy thinking about how long this “friend” had been lusting after my ex and wondering what words she may have put into her ear that may have even contributed to our breakup.
Rude awakening for my ex, but now that I’ve seen it play out, I can see that this may be more common than I thought.
The trans friend in this scenario was clearly delusional. Ex’s revulsion at the idea of them being together is proof in the pudding. She may not want to be with me any more but I’ve never seen her actually repulsed before by the idea of being with other cis women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so over our cultural obsession with what people do with their private parts.

Meanwhile, education has totally fallen apart, the country is becoming a series of tribal factions who harbor irrational hate for one another, and China is eating our lunch while we squabble.

It's not and has never been about what people do with their private parts. If it was solely about what happens in a bedroom between two consenting adults, we wouldn't be having this cultural war.

It is all about whether we have to redefine the ancient understanding of gender to the point that it becomes practically ludicrous, such as medical journals avoiding saying mothers and replacing it with persons giving birth, and so forth and the list of examples is only getting longer and longer. The irony of your post is that you speak of education falling apart, but this is also part of that.

From the perspective of this gay man, it is absolutely an awkward topic and one that is a big issue. Many gay men are openly welcome of transgenders, but many are not for the reason that they don't see them as genuinely male and gay. It's a woman's body seeking out a gay man. There's obviously a very important, critical and missing factor there. And there have definitely been touchy issues over to what extent transgender gays need to have access to spaces that are traditionally for gay men. I don't need to spell it out. The more progressive activists demand that transgender gay men be treated as defacto gay men and to refuse to date them is only transphobia and bigotry. As with everything these days it's become about identities and people being confused over what now constitutes the traditional definitions of their identities and feeling forced to accept changes that - to them - makes no sense, and being told that they are bigots and wrong for different views.

[Anonymous]

We are just like straight people in that we have preferences that are ingrained biologically and we can’t change them to make someone feel better.

When I came out as a lesbian I was pressured into reading conversion therapy literature. It’s the exact same language I see now: learn to love the person and ignore the genitals, you don’t need to enjoy sex anyway, it’s just a fetish, close your eyes and you’ll enjoy it. It was unethical then and it’s unethical now.