If you have screentime/device rules, do you relax when friends are over?

[Anonymous]

What's the general consensus on this?

My kid is a tween and getting to the age where when he gets back from a friend's house, he reports they mainly played video games or did something else on screens. We usually limit screentime to an hour each day through the week. We try to keep it to 3 hours a day on the weekend.

We have held off on getting him a phone but I think it one will be a gift for Christmas. It seems like he's missing out now (age 12) and is the last kid in his friend group to not have one. He used to use my phone to text with is friends but said that they don't like to text back because they know it's not his phone and they think it's weird.

I got a call late Friday evening by his friend's mom. DS had been inadvertently forgotten for a sleepover because all the plans were made in a texting group. She apologized and asked if we could drop him or she could pick him up, but DS actually already had plans with his older cousin that night to attend the cousin's school's football game. Anyway, it was pretty much what solidified the fact that he needs a phone.

I noticed that when he goes over to a friend's house afterschool, he might be there for 2 hours and is spending the entire time playing video games. Do other people just not limit screentime anymore? He's complained that the reason why he's always going over to friend's houses and they never come here is because our house is boring.

So is the secret not limiting screens/devices when friends are over? Are we going to have to invest in some gaming systems and a better tv to keep his friends wanting to come over?

[Anonymous]

My oldest is 12. I got him a phone for his 12th bday gift.

At this point I limit his screen time alone, not his screen time when playing with friends. I do let the kids do screens at my house. We have a PS4 though for whatever reason my 9 year old mainly is the one who uses it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they can do whatever they want (within appropriate boundaries) when friends are over.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, this generation is going to be dumb and obese. OP, I applaud you for holding your ground until now. Too bad the other parents around you are crappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, this generation is going to be dumb and obese. OP, I applaud you for holding your ground until now. Too bad the other parents around you are crappy.

No one cares about your virtue signaling.

[Anonymous]

My DS is in 6th grade and yes we’re more lax with screen time when friends are over. But if they’re going to be over for more than a few hours, I’ll eventually tell them to go out and play basketball or nerf guns or something. Most of them are fine with the break but there have been a couple that don’t know how to do anything that doesn’t involve a screen.

[Anonymous]

I can't control what my kids do at their friends' houses. If I talk to the parents I do mention I don't allow the kids to play on screens in our house. That way if they want to enforce that rule at their house they won't worry about my kid saying "But I'm allowed at home!"

We keep a basket by the front door/kitchen where everyone drops their phone when they walk in. If the kids want to use their phone, they go stand there and use it. But they don't take it into my kids' bedroom or anything.

[Anonymous]

At 12 kids don't play anymore per se. So if you aren't prepared to offer the electronics you have to be prepared to do an activity with the kids. I take kids to trampoline centers and laser tags and rope courses to keep them off screens. I set up water gun fights, kickball games, bonfires and game nights ocassionally to keep the kid occupied. I always have a kid or 2 who doesn't wish to participate because they are bored. Most regular badger school playdates involve video games or iPads.

[Anonymous]

Badger = after

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't control what my kids do at their friends' houses. If I talk to the parents I do mention I don't allow the kids to play on screens in our house. That way if they want to enforce that rule at their house they won't worry about my kid saying "But I'm allowed at home!"

We keep a basket by the front door/kitchen where everyone drops their phone when they walk in. If the kids want to use their phone, they go stand there and use it. But they don't take it into my kids' bedroom or anything.

I love the basket concept! Reminds me of the take off your shoes when I was a kid. Will have to keep this one in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't control what my kids do at their friends' houses. If I talk to the parents I do mention I don't allow the kids to play on screens in our house. That way if they want to enforce that rule at their house they won't worry about my kid saying "But I'm allowed at home!"

We keep a basket by the front door/kitchen where everyone drops their phone when they walk in. If the kids want to use their phone, they go stand there and use it. But they don't take it into my kids' bedroom or anything.

I love the basket concept! Reminds me of the take off your shoes when I was a kid. Will have to keep this one in mind.

Keep it in mind if your goal is for your teen boy to have no friends over. I’m fairly strict with screens in general but I’ll let it go when my sons have friend over. They all have a blast, cheering each other on and figuring out plans for the game together. Why not just let your kids have some fun and make your home the place their friends actually want to be? What’s the real benefit of denying them some hours of fun together? My friends and I all played Atari together and had a blast. I came down the other day and found my son and his friends playing monopoly. They’re great kids, why make this harder than it has to be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't control what my kids do at their friends' houses. If I talk to the parents I do mention I don't allow the kids to play on screens in our house. That way if they want to enforce that rule at their house they won't worry about my kid saying "But I'm allowed at home!"

We keep a basket by the front door/kitchen where everyone drops their phone when they walk in. If the kids want to use their phone, they go stand there and use it. But they don't take it into my kids' bedroom or anything.

Don’t know how old your kid is but eventually you will notice that none of his/her friends come to your house anymore.

[Anonymous]

I make them get off an hour or so before bed, but otherwise we have the same time limits as you (except 2hrs on weekend days with extra time available for earning).
I encourage them to go out - give money to walk and get a snack or suggest a trip somewhere, and they usually do for at least 30min. But others yeah they game. They chat throughout though and take food and water breaks so I'm happy enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make them get off an hour or so before bed, but otherwise we have the same time limits as you (except 2hrs on weekend days with extra time available for earning).
I encourage them to go out - give money to walk and get a snack or suggest a trip somewhere, and they usually do for at least 30min. But others yeah they game. They chat throughout though and take food and water breaks so I'm happy enough.

I meant that we have the same time limits as you when friends aren't over.

[Anonymous]

Definitely hold your ground. We are pretty strict about screens too and dislike when our kids go to friends houses because screens are a free for all.