Sister and her newborn are annoying me

[Anonymous]

I love my sister. I love my new little nephew, he is the sweetest baby. I'm thrilled for my sister and her husband. But I have this irrational urge to slap her every time she talks about they had to wait a long time to have him. You seriously tried for less than a year. Not the 7 + years we have been trying, And I am definitely going to slap her if she makes another comment about how hard it is for those who are almost 40 and how such and such a friend who is my age (37) really needs to get going. And every time she women about him crying at night, it's like this is what you wanted and worked so hard for stop complaining about your baby. Thank you for letting me vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my sister. I love my new little nephew, he is the sweetest baby. I'm thrilled for my sister and her husband. But I have this irrational urge to slap her every time she talks about they had to wait a long time to have him. You seriously tried for less than a year. Not the 7 + years we have been trying, And I am definitely going to slap her if she makes another comment about how hard it is for those who are almost 40 and how such and such a friend who is my age (37) really needs to get going. And every time she women about him crying at night, it's like this is what you wanted and worked so hard for stop complaining about your baby. Thank you for letting me vent.

It is tough. You may have to talk less for a while.

[Anonymous]

Ohhh I’m so sorry, OP. Does she know you’ve been trying for 7 years?! If so I can’t believe she’d complain about how she had to try for less than a year.

[Anonymous]

Vent away. It’s so hard! Hugs OP.

[Anonymous]

If she knows you've been trying for 7 years, you have permission to give her a verbal smackdown. That's unbelievably insensitive.

If she doesn't know, then just hugs to you, OP. Take care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ohhh I’m so sorry, OP. Does she know you’ve been trying for 7 years?! If so I can’t believe she’d complain about how she had to try for less than a year.

This. I think it's ok to push back and say "I think you know how hard waiting has been for me, I'm not the person you should complain to about this stuff".

[Anonymous]

OP, have you had a kid? If not, I would say that it’s painful for you to hear about this from her.

[Anonymous]

One time I was blathering on insensitively (not about fertility) to a close friend. She simply said “I am not your audience for this.” Message received.

[Anonymous]

Since she's your sister, I think it's perfectly appropriate to call her out on her remarks. My guess is that she's not being insensitive on purpose, but rather is failing to read the room.
Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming she knows that you've been trying for 7 years? I think you need to express how it makes you feel and / or that you'd prefer she not preach to you about certain things given that she knows how much it hurts you.

[Anonymous]

Do you know for certain that she only tried for a year? My former sisters-in-law were so awful that they have no idea how long we tried to conceive or that I had a miscarriage. I suffered in silence.

[Anonymous]

To play devil’s advocate, I’m a super practical person. I had a hard time conceiving the first time and got help immediately - like 4 months in despite being young. I had a game plan for when and what I was going to advance to so I didn’t get bogged down in my emotions. And I followed it. I have a few friends who have been trying for years and it’s a little frustrating to hear them complain (maybe wrong word) about their situation when they’re trying the same things. 7 years is a really long time. If you’ve done IVF, go to donor eggs, if you’ve done that, go to adoption. I know it’s a s**** circumstance you’re in but sitting in it for another 7 years isn’t going to help. I’m not sure you can expect everyone to avoid your triggers for eternity. And if it really is an issue affecting your mental health then just tell her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One time I was blathering on insensitively (not about fertility) to a close friend. She simply said “I am not your audience for this.” Message received.

That is perfect!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To play devil’s advocate, I’m a super practical person. I had a hard time conceiving the first time and got help immediately - like 4 months in despite being young. I had a game plan for when and what I was going to advance to so I didn’t get bogged down in my emotions. And I followed it. I have a few friends who have been trying for years and it’s a little frustrating to hear them complain (maybe wrong word) about their situation when they’re trying the same things. 7 years is a really long time. If you’ve done IVF, go to donor eggs, if you’ve done that, go to adoption. I know it’s a s**** circumstance you’re in but sitting in it for another 7 years isn’t going to help. I’m not sure you can expect everyone to avoid your triggers for eternity. And if it really is an issue affecting your mental health then just tell her!

Ok well you weren’t infertile when you got help so you literally have no idea what OP is going through. And all the things you named are just easy to go through 🙄 . I think by “practical” you mean that you lack compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To play devil’s advocate, I’m a super practical person. I had a hard time conceiving the first time and got help immediately - like 4 months in despite being young. I had a game plan for when and what I was going to advance to so I didn’t get bogged down in my emotions. And I followed it. I have a few friends who have been trying for years and it’s a little frustrating to hear them complain (maybe wrong word) about their situation when they’re trying the same things. 7 years is a really long time. If you’ve done IVF, go to donor eggs, if you’ve done that, go to adoption. I know it’s a s**** circumstance you’re in but sitting in it for another 7 years isn’t going to help. I’m not sure you can expect everyone to avoid your triggers for eternity. And if it really is an issue affecting your mental health then just tell her!

Cool story. I got help 6 months in despite being young. 5 years, 3 IVF cycles, and 5 miscarriages later and I still don't have a baby. Miscarried with donor eggs and can't afford private adoption because we're caring for aging parents now (or manage fostering with the parent situation). And I'm not a unique story. MANY infertile people are VERY infertile despite doing everything "right" and everything they can. Any other "super practical" advice since you have it all figured out?