One parent wants to get vaccinated, other parent opposed

[Anonymous]

Have any of you dealt with one of your parents wanting to get vaccinated, but holding off because the other parent is extremely opposed to the COVID vaccines? I am dealing with this dynamic right now and it is causing me significant distress and a great deal of anger toward the anti-vax parent who is completely taken in by vaccine disinformation. I feel the pro-vax parent should just go get it regardless of what the other thinks. Generally, I would stay out of any of my parents' marital disagreements, but this isn't a typical marital disagreement to me; I have an interest in my parent not dying just because my other parent holds completely irrational views about the morality and medical science behind the COVID vaccines.

[Anonymous]

What you can do: Decide who you/your kids will and will not see, and when, under what circumstances.

So if you don't want to see any unvaccinated adults, or only want to see them outside, stick to that. No relative gets a pass, not even grandparents.

What you can't do: Make someone go get vaccinated for whatever reason. And by the way, any intelligent and capable adult is going to get the vaccine, whether their spouse disagrees. Anyone who demurs to their spouse in this case is still, actually, making a decision. They're responsible for ultimately deciding not to get vaccinated, despite whatever the pressure may be, or who it is coming from, not to.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..."

[Anonymous]

I would offer to drive the parent to their vax appointment and invite them to come stay with me until their spouse stops being an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would offer to drive the parent to their vax appointment and invite them to come stay with me until their spouse stops being an idiot.

+1. I would do everything in my power to get my smart parent vaccinated. A double funeral would be more than I could bear.

[Anonymous]

I now a couple where the husband is anti-vax and the wife pro-vax. All of their children have been vaccinated. The husband convinced his parents not to get the vaccine and his mother died of Covid and his father caught it and is still not completely healthy months later. They must have interesting conversations.

[Anonymous]

This happened in my brothers family. They both have covid right now. They are 40ish, so hopefully they both recover without incident.

[Anonymous]

I would maybe take a step back, and not engage for a bit. If they want to see you (or your kids) they will 'do the right thing'.

I know that is easier said than done, but would hopefully lead to less stress on your end.

[Anonymous]

Take the smart one out to lunch without the other one. Go to a walk in vaccination and try to get them to do it. If necessary, it’s OK for the vaccinated one to lie to or just not tell the conspiracy theory absorbed one.

[Anonymous]

They are adults and need to figure this out. But offer to drive the one parent to get vaccinated in secret without telling the other. That’s what I would do.

[Anonymous]

OP, do your parents have a history of dragging you into their dreary marital woes? Is there any way you can opt-out of being the backdrop for their manufactured drama?

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. This is a tough and frustrating situation to navigate.

What you can't do: Make someone go get vaccinated for whatever reason. And by the way, any intelligent and capable adult is going to get the vaccine, whether their spouse disagrees. Anyone who demurs to their spouse in this case is still, actually, making a decision. They're responsible for ultimately deciding not to get vaccinated, despite whatever the pressure may be, or who it is coming from, not to.

I think you are right. Both parents have earned my frustration here.

[Anonymous]

If these were my parents, i would take the pro-vax parent out alone, talk to him/her and try to persuade said parent to get vaccinated without telling the anti-vax spouse. i would offer to drive the pro-vax parent to the vaccination site. other spouse does not need to know.

i would point out to the pro-vax parent

1 that i love her/him and his/her death would be devasteting
2 that by vaccinating himself/herself, the pro-vax parent is actually protecting the anti-vax one, by reducing the chance that the unvaccinated pro-vax may infect the unvaccinated anti-vax. so if pro-vax cares for anti-vax spouse, pro-vax parent should consider getting vaccinated in secret

if the parent refuses, there is not much you can do other than mentally disengage and accept that they are making their own decisions

[Anonymous]

OP, I hate to break it to you, but if the pro-vax parent hasn't decided to go get vaxxed themselves, that parent isn't as pro-vax as they claim. I would let both parents know what your boundaries are re: close contact with unvaxxed people and stick to it.

[Anonymous]

I’m vaccinated but my spouse is not. 2 elementary kids who won’t be vaccinated until it’s mandatory (and hoping it will be looooong time). I poisoned my body because of job. Support my husband in million %

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened in my brothers family. They both have covid right now. They are 40ish, so hopefully they both recover without incident.

Sorry honey but you still can get covid even if vaccinated