Frustrated with this Forum

[Anonymous]

There is a HUGE difference between kids in high school and middle school. I think that most parents who have freshman this year can attest to this. I am sick of parents of eleven year olds chiming in about what teenagers wear and how they behave. It does not matter if the teen goes to private school, public school, is rich, middle class or poor, high school students are (rightfully) trying to gain freedom from their parents and are hopefully attempting to navigate independently. Yes there will be some hiccups along the way, they may wear things you consider inappropriate, may drink at a party or sneak out; it does not make you a bad parents or your child "low class". You should not have to call the police on your kid (as some are saying in another post) or scare your daughters into thinking they will be raped on any street corner if they wear short shorts.

You have a certain vision in your head about what the high school years will bring but I dont think many people are prepared for how quickly things change. Look out for other kids, help your friends and STOP JUDGING.

[Anonymous]

Agree. I think there should be a MS and HS thread. Tween parents think they have it figured out. THEY DON'T. Then you have the ES/Pre-school parents with their opinions. It's really exhausting.

I'm also sick of people calling girls whores, tramps, tarts, sluts. If presumably grown women are on here name calling, how can we ever expect males to not do the same. I've reported the homecoming thread, and I hope Jeff locks it. It's not productive.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. I suspect one or two people have been extra-critical the last couple of weeks? The reality is that there always a big range in each forum. The elementary age forum covers K thru 5, and obviously there are a LOT of changes that happen there as well. Hopefully we don't let some extra-judgy people ruin it for everyone. Hopefully people with tweens can use this forum as a way to get a preview of things to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree. I think there should be a MS and HS thread. Tween parents think they have it figured out. THEY DON'T. Then you have the ES/Pre-school parents with their opinions. It's really exhausting.

I'm also sick of people calling girls whores, tramps, tarts, sluts. If presumably grown women are on here name calling, how can we ever expect males to not do the same. I've reported the homecoming thread, and I hope Jeff locks it. It's not productive.

It is so disgusting when people do this. It is in no way a justification for men to do it as well and men shouldn't look at it that way but to call a 16 year old a slut is wrong on so many levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree. I think there should be a MS and HS thread. Tween parents think they have it figured out. THEY DON'T. Then you have the ES/Pre-school parents with their opinions. It's really exhausting.

I'm also sick of people calling girls whores, tramps, tarts, sluts. If presumably grown women are on here name calling, how can we ever expect males to not do the same. I've reported the homecoming thread, and I hope Jeff locks it. It's not productive.

It is so disgusting when people do this. It is in no way a justification for men to do it as well and men shouldn't look at it that way but to call a 16 year old a slut is wrong on so many levels.

I agree. And the irony is that the boys aren't looking at the girls and thinking that. It's the parents. Many of whom wore cropped shirts and miniskirts to school in the 80s, to the horror of some of their parents. Everyone needs to stop.

I do think there is such a thing as appropriate attire, appropriate to the event. Obviously don't wear the bodycon/short dresses to an interview. You wouldn't wear jeans and a t shirt to that either. There's a time and a place for everything.

[Anonymous]

I've been on DCUM for a long time and IIRC when this was created it's because these ages do overlap. When my child was in upper elementary, depending on the type of question I'd post it in either the elementary or the Tweens and Teens forum. If I had questions about class birthday parties, I'd go to the elementary. If I wanted advice regarding puberty or planning for middle school, I'd come to this one. Similarly if I had a junior in HS but had a question about a particular college, I'd be more likely to go to the college forum.

Ages and experiences do overlap.

And agreed to the slut-shaming and calling girls names being unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree. I think there should be a MS and HS thread. Tween parents think they have it figured out. THEY DON'T. Then you have the ES/Pre-school parents with their opinions. It's really exhausting.

I'm also sick of people calling girls whores, tramps, tarts, sluts. If presumably grown women are on here name calling, how can we ever expect males to not do the same. I've reported the homecoming thread, and I hope Jeff locks it. It's not productive.

I agree it's not productive but the reporting is ridiculous. Just don't look at it anymore. These things run their course. And no, I wasn't a rude commentator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. I suspect one or two people have been extra-critical the last couple of weeks? The reality is that there always a big range in each forum. The elementary age forum covers K thru 5, and obviously there are a LOT of changes that happen there as well. Hopefully we don't let some extra-judgy people ruin it for everyone. Hopefully people with tweens can use this forum as a way to get a preview of things to come.

I feel like there are fewer people on the K-5 G forum who have K kids and then comment on what you should be doing with your 10 yr old. But maybe I just missed those threads. It seems more pervasive here, as OP mentioned. More parents of 11/12 commenting on seniors in high school. Doesn't work that well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree. I think there should be a MS and HS thread. Tween parents think they have it figured out. THEY DON'T. Then you have the ES/Pre-school parents with their opinions. It's really exhausting.

I'm also sick of people calling girls whores, tramps, tarts, sluts. If presumably grown women are on here name calling, how can we ever expect males to not do the same. I've reported the homecoming thread, and I hope Jeff locks it. It's not productive.

I agree it's not productive but the reporting is ridiculous. Just don't look at it anymore. These things run their course. And no, I wasn't a rude commentator.

Disagree. Reporting out of line comments has a time and place. This forum would be trash without the report function. It would basically become that garbage Fairfax site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree. I think there should be a MS and HS thread. Tween parents think they have it figured out. THEY DON'T. Then you have the ES/Pre-school parents with their opinions. It's really exhausting.

I'm also sick of people calling girls whores, tramps, tarts, sluts. If presumably grown women are on here name calling, how can we ever expect males to not do the same. I've reported the homecoming thread, and I hope Jeff locks it. It's not productive.

I’m a mother of an 11 year old 6th grader. I come here because we are dealing with tween hood and I want to help my kid navigate teen hood. I can’t relate to the school age forum as much. Some of the misogyny on this forum scares the crap out of me. It’s like nothing has changed and we are still shaming and blaming girls for the behaviors of boys. That terrifies me more than my kids’ future fashion choices.

[Anonymous]

Agree, huge difference between issues facing a 12 year old and an 18 year old. Can the topic be spit in two?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree. I think there should be a MS and HS thread. Tween parents think they have it figured out. THEY DON'T. Then you have the ES/Pre-school parents with their opinions. It's really exhausting.

I'm also sick of people calling girls whores, tramps, tarts, sluts. If presumably grown women are on here name calling, how can we ever expect males to not do the same. I've reported the homecoming thread, and I hope Jeff locks it. It's not productive.

I agree it's not productive but the reporting is ridiculous. Just don't look at it anymore. These things run their course. And no, I wasn't a rude commentator.

Disagree. Reporting out of line comments has a time and place. This forum would be trash without the report function. It would basically become that garbage Fairfax site.

+1 You have to do this on a anonymous site if you want anything remotely near a civil conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a HUGE difference between kids in high school and middle school. I think that most parents who have freshman this year can attest to this. I am sick of parents of eleven year olds chiming in about what teenagers wear and how they behave. It does not matter if the teen goes to private school, public school, is rich, middle class or poor, high school students are (rightfully) trying to gain freedom from their parents and are hopefully attempting to navigate independently. Yes there will be some hiccups along the way, they may wear things you consider inappropriate, may drink at a party or sneak out; it does not make you a bad parents or your child "low class". You should not have to call the police on your kid (as some are saying in another post) or scare your daughters into thinking they will be raped on any street corner if they wear short shorts.

You have a certain vision in your head about what the high school years will bring but I dont think many people are prepared for how quickly things change. Look out for other kids, help your friends and STOP JUDGING.

No there are two issues here.

Bad parents are the ones who do not call the police on kids drinking period. They get in a car and kill themselves or others. It's illegal to drink period. You don't like that law yes law then work to change it. Yes, I judge parents who provide alcohol to anyone under the age of 18. Of course I know my kids drank. That did not mean there should not be consequences, why should they get a pass. Again it's against the law!

Clothing no who the H cares. That is such a nothing burger in terms of raising kids. I agree the whole purity shorts are too short is just absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree. I think there should be a MS and HS thread. Tween parents think they have it figured out. THEY DON'T. Then you have the ES/Pre-school parents with their opinions. It's really exhausting.

I'm also sick of people calling girls whores, tramps, tarts, sluts. If presumably grown women are on here name calling, how can we ever expect males to not do the same. I've reported the homecoming thread, and I hope Jeff locks it. It's not productive.

I’m a mother of an 11 year old 6th grader. I come here because we are dealing with tween hood and I want to help my kid navigate teen hood. I can’t relate to the school age forum as much. Some of the misogyny on this forum scares the crap out of me. It’s like nothing has changed and we are still shaming and blaming girls for the behaviors of boys. That terrifies me more than my kids’ future fashion choices.

Thing is that what we don’t see is that boys are reacting inappropriately but rather adults who post here are the name callers and inappropriate ones. It is disgusting.

Also I agree that what you think your kids will do and what you think they will wear isn’t necessarily how it turns out. Many who judge later have to eat their words.

[Anonymous]

Just report anything you find incredibly rude and ignore any advice you think comes from a well-meaning clueless person.

Regarding dress...people will differ. I am all for breastfeeding anywhere you want, but don't think f3/4 boobies with a little nipple slippage should be on display at Homecoming. Not a fan of seeing a teen boys butt crack either or a teen girls bottom of her tush. I feel a bit violated to be honest when I accidentally see that stuff. If you disagree, that's fine. I won't name call.