Advice - SN child and a new pet

[Anonymous]

Our beloved cat, who has "always been there" as far as DS is concerned (DS turns four soon) had to euthanized in late March. DS realized this weekend that "kitty cat" was gone and is now pressing to get a new cat. DH and I are debating and looking for advice - would you recommend a kitten or a young cat (1-2 years old)? We are not sure which would best be able to settle into our home.

DS has PDD-NOS and has steadily maintained a delay of about 9 months. His delays are almost exclusively in social interaction, and he has been known to be aggressive (on top of the usual boy things - chasing the old cat around the house and generally being boisterous).

TIA for all advice!

[Anonymous]

I'm a big believer in the power of pets for children and a huge advocate of rescue animals (my house is filled with them!), and until your last sentence, I had been thinking I would say to get a 2-4 yr old cat, old enough so that the personality is kind of set and also beyond the "kitten phase." But that last sentence - "has been known to be aggressive" - is making me wonder whether it's really best for you to get another cat right now (until your son outgrows this phase).

If it's only your son who wants another cat, then I suggest a few visits to the animal shelter to hold a kitty cat, and this might curb him of his desire. If I'm reading your post correctly, your son is developmentally just over three yrs old, and a three yr old can often be talked around a fixation -- maybe get him a stuffed cat or go visit BIG CATS at the zoo or do a few stints at the shelter or something like that. If the interest in the cat ends up being enduring on your son's part, but you are unsure about whether he can handle it, then why not try fostering? There are many rescue orgs around that look for families to take in pets, and if you got an older/mellow one, you could "try it out" and see how it feels for you/your son to have the cat around. Of course I am not sure you'd get cleared to foster if you were honest about the potential aggressiveness, but if you were really "on" with your son as he was getting used to the cat and a strong presence to nip any aggressive behavior in the bud, then the fostering approach might be a good one to see a) how enduring your son's interest is in having a cat b) whether he can handle having a cat without acting aggressively towards it and c) how you and your husband feel about having a cat around and whether it takes too much vigilance on your part to keep the cat safe.

I think it's great that you are considering this so carefully. From my work in rescue, i know that often families don't consider the work involved in getting a pet, and they jump in and then find themselves overwhelmed or in a situation where a child is acting aggressively, and the pet has to go.

Good luck with your decision.

[Anonymous]

PP here - sorry - I should have started by saying how sorry I am about the loss of your cat and that I wish you much strength. Our beloved dog died in January, and I miss him constantly, even though we already have another one (among other animals).

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry about the loss of your kitty.

Are you totally set on a cat? I wonder if a large mellow dog might not be a sturdier companion and one that could be walked, played with, and generally might be a magnet for social interaction with all sorts of kids/people. Like a golden retriever or something? I'm a huge cat person but I even have grown up friends who have made a lot of friends at the dog park. Our neurologist recommended getting a dog for DD at some point, she said that they can be a great comfort to kids who struggle socially, and they correlate highly with being outside and exercising which is really beneficial. You might even be able to "foster" a dog and get a feel for if it would work. Good luck in your decision.

[Anonymous]

OP Here - just to respond to the PP. Unfortunately, I am allergic to dogs. (I know - it is unusual to be allergic to dogs and not cats, but that is the situation.) Besides the allergy, DS is very scared of dogs - our neighbor has a German Shepherd that terrifies him, and he is even afraid of my brother's tiny dog (a Shitzu/Toy Poodle mix) when we visit them every year.

To the earlier poster about the rescue animals, we will consider it. I am hoping the aggression will pass (it is relatively new - only in the last month) and we can move forward with adopting a cat by the summer.

[Anonymous]

My son has really benefited from having a guinea pig. While I have raised some from babies, I knew we needed one that was outgoing and social - an extrovert. We found an adult one at the local shelter. He carries her all the time and she just squeaks up a storm. He puts her on the floor and she follows him around. They do like to be in the lap for hours when well socialized. You can leave them for a long weekend.

However, you may be better off with a cat if your son is not gentle right now, but this may make a good choice further down the road.

Please also know that often people adopt/buy pigs and think they have allergies. Many pigs get mites - which bother the pig, but only land on you long enough to make you red and itchy and then it goes away. If that's the case, it is worth taking the pig to the vet to get shots that kill mites. The previous one had mites and his family gave him up because of allergies when all he had was a case of mites.