4 year old doesn't want to go out and play

[Anonymous]

2 kids, 4 & 7. They've had the same nanny for a couple years and the same group of neighborhood friends they've played with for a long time. He knows and likes everyone.

Once he started back in school full time, he stopped wanting to play in the afternoons. I get it. He's probably tired! But my 7 year old does want to go out and play, and I have to work.

I haven't pushed the issue and have just let him hang out around the house and entertain himself while the nanny goes out with my older DS. But sometimes he interrupts so it's not always ideal.

Today I had a meeting where it would have been extremely embarrassing to be interrupted, so I forced him to go outside. He was absolutely sobbing and I felt terrible! I asked him why and he couldn't really say why.

Any thoughts on how to handle this? Was I awful to force him to go out to play?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 kids, 4 & 7. They've had the same nanny for a couple years and the same group of neighborhood friends they've played with for a long time. He knows and likes everyone.

Once he started back in school full time, he stopped wanting to play in the afternoons. I get it. He's probably tired! But my 7 year old does want to go out and play, and I have to work.

I haven't pushed the issue and have just let him hang out around the house and entertain himself while the nanny goes out with my older DS. But sometimes he interrupts so it's not always ideal.

Today I had a meeting where it would have been extremely embarrassing to be interrupted, so I forced him to go outside. He was absolutely sobbing and I felt terrible! I asked him why and he couldn't really say why.

Any thoughts on how to handle this? Was I awful to force him to go out to play?

I don't think you are awful but, am wondering if you can you put on a movie for him to watch? This might be a temporary phase and it is possible he is more tired.

[Anonymous]

Do not placate him with screen time. Then he will never want to go out.

[Anonymous]

Do you think this is his way of getting one on one time with you, even if you’re working? What if you offer him outside with the nanny in exchange for going to pick up dinner with you alone after, or something?

[Anonymous]

Independent playtime! Set his room up so it’s safe for him to be there unsupervised (attach furniture to the walls, etc) and let him play, by himself, for increasing amounts of time. Teach him that he must stay in his room, and is not to interrupt you unless it’s an emergency. Give him tons of praise when he succeeds. Start with 5 or 10 minutes. I bet you can quickly work your way up to a full hour, which might really save you. And it’s a great skill to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Independent playtime! Set his room up so it’s safe for him to be there unsupervised (attach furniture to the walls, etc) and let him play, by himself, for increasing amounts of time. Teach him that he must stay in his room, and is not to interrupt you unless it’s an emergency. Give him tons of praise when he succeeds. Start with 5 or 10 minutes. I bet you can quickly work your way up to a full hour, which might really save you. And it’s a great skill to have.

He has been doing this, but he's not perfect, in that he'll come out periodically and ask me questions. He doesn't really understand the concept of "do not interrupt me during this time" so there are times when this won't work.

[Anonymous]

Can he be given a lounge chair and a towel to use as a blanket and a stuffed animal and he can chill outside with the nanny reading to him while she keeps an eye on the 7 yr old?

Because presumably the 7 yr old doesn't need intense watching.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this is about wanting to go outside or not. I think it’s about wanting to be close to you after being away at school or with a nanny all day. I might need to build in a little solo time with him each day. Maybe when the older child goes out with a nanny, you could schedule yourself a 15 minute break to read books or do a quick lego project with him and then he can go out with his brother?

[Anonymous]

You’re not terrible for forcing him to go outside. If he’s tired he could take a nap, not bother you. If he’s tired outside he could sit in a lounge chair and look at a book. I can’t imagine your nanny is forcing him to play soccer or run laps.

I agree with a pp—dont placate him with screens: he’ll never want to go out. But you could reward him with a “time in”
If he plays outside when you need him to, he gets 15 minutes of interrupted mom time with you. You’ll play any game and no phone to distract you during that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is his way of getting one on one time with you, even if you’re working? What if you offer him outside with the nanny in exchange for going to pick up dinner with you alone after, or something?

This was my first thought, especially since he interrupts you while working. Does he get less one and one time with you, since he's now in pre-k?

[Anonymous]

I let my kid bring the box of Legos into my office and play next to me while I work, or they can color at the corner of my desk. I'm very clear that I have to work and can't play but they can be in the same room. Maybe that'll work for your child?