What to tell a friend who is heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Heartbroken friend just broke up with someone who loved more than anyone ever. She is 50 and twice divorced, 2 kids, one is special needs. Successful career. Any tips on what to tell her to help her cope? Described herself as grieving. IDK too much about it. Don't say "it wasn't meant to be" or "if he loved you he'd be here" bc those are unhelpful.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to say anything. Just lend an ear and take her out to get her mind off things.

[Anonymous]

It's not your place to "fix" this. She's a grown woman who can deal with being sad. Saying "I'm so sorry you're hurting" is enough.

[Anonymous]

Someone that is twice divorced and now believes she just broke up with the person “she loved the most” sounds emotionally immature. I would try to listen patiently if this was a really good friend. But the best recommendation might be to gently suggest a therapist if she doesn’t already have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone that is twice divorced and now believes she just broke up with the person “she loved the most” sounds emotionally immature. I would try to listen patiently if this was a really good friend. But the best recommendation might be to gently suggest a therapist if she doesn’t already have one.

This OP.

[Anonymous]

I think a gentle suggestion of therapy might be the best overall advice.

[Anonymous]

You show up and listen. You bring some snacks, her favorites, and tissues and anything to lift her mood (trashy mags, a new nail polish, bath stuff). You remind her of everything that is awesome about her. You validate her heartache. You cook dinner together. You make future plans to do stuff you both enjoy and reach out weekly for a pulse. You simply help her move on and be a friend.

You avoid talking about fish in the sea. And you let her repeat herself until it’s out of her system with no judgement. You actively listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a gentle suggestion of therapy might be the best overall advice.

As someone who loves therapy - I would tell my friend that I am suggesting therapy because having an hour a week where a professional is dedicated to listening to your crap and helping you process it is an incredible luxury. When it works, it's great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a gentle suggestion of therapy might be the best overall advice.

As someone who loves therapy - I would tell my friend that I am suggesting therapy because having an hour a week where a professional is dedicated to listening to your crap and helping you process it is an incredible luxury. When it works, it's great.

Thanks, she actually is a therapist and writer by profession, has published several books on therapeutic themes, and has been in therapy for most of her adult life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You show up and listen. You bring some snacks, her favorites, and tissues and anything to lift her mood (trashy mags, a new nail polish, bath stuff). You remind her of everything that is awesome about her. You validate her heartache. You cook dinner together. You make future plans to do stuff you both enjoy and reach out weekly for a pulse. You simply help her move on and be a friend.

You avoid talking about fish in the sea. And you let her repeat herself until it’s out of her system with no judgement. You actively listen.

But if she was “awesome” why would she be alone. Again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a gentle suggestion of therapy might be the best overall advice.

As someone who loves therapy - I would tell my friend that I am suggesting therapy because having an hour a week where a professional is dedicated to listening to your crap and helping you process it is an incredible luxury. When it works, it's great.

Thanks, she actually is a therapist and writer by profession, has published several books on therapeutic themes, and has been in therapy for most of her adult life.

That may be, but clearly something is a miss, so maybe do what her therapist isn't and call her out on her shit and tell her she needs to cut the drama and nonsense and grow the hell up!. Sometimes we need tough love instead of a soft touch.

[Anonymous]

She is 50 and this ain't her first rodeo. There's nothing new you can say. Just be kind.

[Anonymous]

Gosh, a lot of harsh posters on this thread. I really think the posters who pop up on every thread telling people to “grow up” need to learn a little humility and empathy. It is perfectly valid for a 50 year old to be very sad about losing a relationship.

[Anonymous]

"I so sorry this happened", "this is really hard", "what can I do to support you right now?", "I'm thinking of you"

Definitely don't try to fix it, listen and reflect back, give her space to grieve.

[Anonymous]

He hurt her. The right man will never hurt her or subtract from her day to day life. This guy was a place holder to delay things for her Mr. Right to be available. They WILL cross paths.