HS sports question - kid is a novice at best - help

[Anonymous]

I will try to keep this short-ish. My daughter is not hugely athletic, but did participate in one sport for a couple of years and then COVID hit, you know the drill. She signed up for the sport in HS and went to the first voluntary practice session last week. The other girls were so far ahead of her that she felt intimidated and doesn't want to go back, and I get it. Bummed for her, but I get it. She did get a word of encouragement from another student the next day, but even so.

Question is, how do you handle this? I have a character flaw of being a bitter ender - would stick it out no matter what, but I have realized that may not be a virtue and sometimes it's ok to throw in the towel.

As she moves into high school I want her to manage her own stuff and she will, but that doesn't mean that we don't have conversations about how to quit something, etc.

She's not on a/the team yet, but in this situation would you just let her ghost (I am very uncomfortable with that) or email the coaches and ask for honest feedback. There's a possibility of a freshmen team if there are enough kids so I hate for her to totally drop out. I have a feeling that these offered practice sessions are treated as mandatory by the JV and Varsity teams and that is fine/good. But if it's hopeless for her I would rather know.

Ugh. For not trying to be a helicopter parent I feel like one of those huge ones with the double rotors right now.

[Anonymous]

I'd encourage her to try one more practice and make sure she's finding other freshmen as comparison and not stacking herself up against the varsity kids.

That said, something like soccer or lacrosse is going to attract a high level of skill as so many kids in this area have played for many, many years at high levels. That can be eye opening for rec level players.

[Anonymous]

Depends a lot on the sport and where things stand at your school with that sport.

Generally JVs and Freshmen teams are very inclusive but there are exceptions. For example, a sport that may still have some cuts would be Volleyball. They would be reluctant, but too many on a team makes it pretty hard for everyone. Still doing a sport at school is a good way to get to know some kids and get in shape a bit. Cross country and swim are both no cuts and great at getting you in shape.

[Anonymous]

Look for a team that advertises itself as "no cuts".

If there is a specific sport she wants to try, do some 1:1 coaching to build skill and fitness. Part of the problem is likely her overall fitness level has lagged during the pandemic. And it is hard to learn in a group when you are feeling self-conscious and the instruction is above your level. Give her some privacy and a boost from a coach in advance.

[Anonymous]

If she’s not feeling it I would absolutely let her drop this one and actively encourage her to look for other cool opportunities now that she’s in high school. Sports are great, both my kids play them, but there’s no question that high school sports coaches OWN your kid during their season and it can be pretty unforgiving and make it hard to do other things. This has been my biggest gripe about high school sports all along it’s really out of balance with other commitments. So I would only encourage her to plow through with his team if she’s loving it, if not go try something else.

[Anonymous]

What school and what sport. Nobody will know who your kid is. The high schools here are too big.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look for a team that advertises itself as "no cuts".

If there is a specific sport she wants to try, do some 1:1 coaching to build skill and fitness. Part of the problem is likely her overall fitness level has lagged during the pandemic. And it is hard to learn in a group when you are feeling self-conscious and the instruction is above your level. Give her some privacy and a boost from a coach in advance.

+1 this is what I did for my DS who was cut from a sport he'd played for years. I was highly encouraging when he was welcomed to a no-cut team for a sport he'd never played. I found a private coach, got him a bunch of lessons in a short time and then spaced them out. I wasn't looking for him to be a starter/star, just competent enough.

[Anonymous]

My freshman DS is trying out for a sport that he loves but realistically is not good enough to make the team. We talked about a no cut sport as a backup plan. So he knows he’s going to be playing a sport just not sure which one yet.

[Anonymous]

"Hopeless" ?? Op, you have got to change your language. It's probably spilling over. IDK I had kids who didn't make plenty of teams, and they cried, and moved on. Both were on varsity HS teams eventually. But it can be a huge zig zag journey.

[Anonymous]

Np.. I don't care about the sport itself but the idea of showing up, realizing you're not great and throwing in the towel would bother me, too. Ds was horribly unathletic and untalented at his sport but he has been working hard for 18 months to get better. He's now a solid good. Not great but he keeps working. The work ethic part would really get me so I would encourage her, as a life lesson, to put extra effort in for the hard work pays off lesson.

[Anonymous]

I’d tell her keep going to practice to see if she makes the team. She’ll never know if she gives up now. If she doesn’t make the team, she can say she tried, and then try to play in a rec league or see if the school offers the sport as a intramural.

By high school some kids have been playing a sport for a while so are going to be better than those that have not. Also puberty has kicked in, so the athleticism levels are going to change. Your DC either works to get better, or accepts that she will be playing on a rec team or not at all.

[Anonymous]

Have her to the sport for a club or rec team, rattler than the HS team. She gets to keep moving, get some exercise and hopefully have fun and make new friends. If she gets back in shape and wants to try out for the HS team next year she can. And if not, that's fine too.

If she is not going back, she should have the maturity/respect for the coaches to email them that she isn't returning this year, maybe adding that she didn't realize the level of commitment and right now she is focusing on her studies, but that perhaps she will be back in the future. This leaves the door open, rather than burning a bridge.

[Anonymous]

This is so easier said than done, and I've been there both in my own high school days and as a parent and coach, but I'm on the side of encouraging her to keep at it.

For one thing, no one in any sport, ever, gets better more quickly than when they're at the phase and age that your daughter is at right now. Novice to intermediate is so much faster and less dependent on luck and innate skill than intermediate to advanced. Like one of the PPs said about their kid, it's actually kind of amazing how you can go from almost nothing to "solid good" in 18 months.

I wouldn't go behind your daughter's back to her coaches because that could backfire real bad, but if she's up for it, either you and she could approach the coaches together or you could buck her up to do it, to ask what she could try working on. "Hey coach, I really want to do volleyball and I like it, but I didn't get to practice much during Covid because we weren't in school. Do you have any suggestions on how I can improve?"

As a part time coach myself, I would bend over backwards for a kid who shows up all the time and actively wants to get better. But on the surface it's not always obvious who that is.

[Anonymous]

"I wouldn't go behind your daughter's back to her coaches because that could backfire real bad, but if she's up for it, either you and she could approach the coaches together or you could buck her up to do it, to ask what she could try working on. "Hey coach, I really want to do volleyball and I like it, but I didn't get to practice much during Covid because we weren't in school. Do you have any suggestions on how I can improve?"

THIS ^^

Been where you are (different complication than COVID0, did exactly this, coach loved him for it, and now our son has a varsity letter to prove it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so easier said than done, and I've been there both in my own high school days and as a parent and coach, but I'm on the side of encouraging her to keep at it.

For one thing, no one in any sport, ever, gets better more quickly than when they're at the phase and age that your daughter is at right now. Novice to intermediate is so much faster and less dependent on luck and innate skill than intermediate to advanced. Like one of the PPs said about their kid, it's actually kind of amazing how you can go from almost nothing to "solid good" in 18 months.

I wouldn't go behind your daughter's back to her coaches because that could backfire real bad, but if she's up for it, either you and she could approach the coaches together or you could buck her up to do it, to ask what she could try working on. "Hey coach, I really want to do volleyball and I like it, but I didn't get to practice much during Covid because we weren't in school. Do you have any suggestions on how I can improve?"

As a part time coach myself, I would bend over backwards for a kid who shows up all the time and actively wants to get better. But on the surface it's not always obvious who that is.

Yep. If she has the guts to say it, that will show so much maturity. I can't tell you what to do, but I hope she sticks with it and I hope they have a freshman team so she can really learn the ropes. Good luck!