Unreadable/Odd Behavior from Friend
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Anonymous
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I have an odd situation with a friend that I'd really love some opinions on.
My daughter made her best friend in kindergarten. They have very similar personalities (quiet/sporty) and are still best friends in 7th grade. Their friendship is great. The issue comes from her mom. I consider her a friend in the sense that we've chatted for countless hours while our kids have played or participated in sports, we text, commiserate, etc. We don't go out for drinks together, for instance, but I feel that I know her pretty well. She compliments my daughter to me and says the same things I do about our daughters' friendship. However, she does some strange things that I honestly can't get a read on and don't know how to respond to. For instance, she NEVER invites my daughter to anything. Her daughter is ALWAYS with our family, which is OK, she has a larger family and I know they are busy, etc. BUT she will also go into detail about her daughter inviting another friend over for some event (my daughter not invited and we invite her daughter to everything) or, like today, she sent me a picture of her daughter hanging out with another friend. Its bizarre. Both of our girls do things with other friends, of course, but I would never take a picture of my daughter doing something with another friend and text it to her. It's weird. We don't hide it or lie, but I wouldn't go out of my way to put it in their face either. Today I honestly wanted to reply asking why she sent me the picture, but I figured it would be best to just ignore. I've responded saying something nice "that looks great!" and also ignored, but I just don't get it. I honestly don't think that she would be happy if their friendship ended, but its like she wants to make me (not my daughter) jealous? Its weird, I know. I need help in just how to react. I don't want to lose our friendship, but more importantly, my daughter's friendship over these things. |
Anonymous
| She's not your friend and just using you. I would ask why is she sending you a picture of an activity your child was not participating in. |
Anonymous
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Could she send it to you by accident? I have sent text to someone else by accident before and other have done that too! Especially if you are in contact with her on her phone, kind like "default" but she meant to send it to the mom of that other girl, maybe?
Otherwise, that is just weird. I would ask, was that meant for me??? Benefit of doubt when shit don't make no sense~ |
Anonymous
| She probably thinks you’re like family and is an overshare-er. You previously telling her things looked great or fun just fed into it. |
Anonymous
| Don’t contact/invite her for a while and see what happens. |
Anonymous
| Oh you should have responded “hi you sent this is me by accident” |
Anonymous
| Very weird OP. I would step back a little and see what happens. |
Anonymous
| Her DD likes your DD, but she (the mom) doesn’t like you. And that’s ok. You don’t have to befriend the parents of your kids’ friends. This isn’t daycare. |
Anonymous
Just text: “did you mean to send this to me?” Or: “I think you sent this to me by accident?  ”
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Anonymous
| She has a sensitivity issue - as in she lacks it. |
Anonymous
Are you wealthier than her? Maybe she's jealous and trying to make you jealous. |
Anonymous
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I dont have the answer here but I have had similiar relationships with DS's friends parents where we invite the friends to things often and are never or almost never invited to their outings. In one case, it may be because DS has not accepted the invite 1 too many times. In another the mom seems to like her son to hang around her friends "from the old country" but is more than happy for us to entertain him in between.
People are strange, op. Rather than waste time figuring out motives I just encourage ds to make more friends with different groups in hopes he finds one who reciprocate. |
Anonymous
| It is weird behavior and I don't think that anyone would be able to tell with certainty what is going on. The responses are all over the place (oversharer/overly close, insecure/jealousy, insensitive) and I think that they are all plausible. I would treat the daughter the exact same and be polite and friendly but distant with her. |
Anonymous
This, mostly. Your DD and her DD have a great friendship going. Leave it at that. I wouldn’t even say the mom doesn’t like you or wants to make you jealous, she just is socially off. I don’t think she means malice. Is she perhaps not born and raised in the US? Some of my immigrate friends I would consider socially off as well, based on what I consider social norms. But either way, unless she is actually doing or saying mean things, I would go ahead and assume she is just different. Foster the friendship between the girls, be polite to the mom. In another couple years the girls won’t want either of your involvement in their friendship or managing getting together and such. |
Anonymous
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OP here - Thank you all for chiming in.
I agree lots of different opinions here and it's hard to take a guess at where she's coming from. The only one I disagree with is that she's a user. She's not really like that and I don't feel that way. She may not like me, although she is always eager to talk, responds immediately for texts, wants to meet for coffee, etc. I am torn between over sharer/wanting to make me jealous. I don't find her malicious but she is also savvy enough to know that it's weird to send a picture of her daughter and another friend together, and that it certainly would make my daughter feel left out. I don't ever share it with my daughter bc, why? and my daughter knows that they both do things with others, it just seems unnecessary. However, I have had the thought that when I see her next that I ask her about it. Something like, "Is there a reason that you would prefer that the girls not spend as much time together?" I know that I won't, its just more of a thought in my mind. It does hurt my feelings, I will admit, that in 7 years, my daughter has been invited by her over to her home or whatnot, probably about 3-4 times, yet she will casually reference having other girls over. The girls now largely plan things on their own. Maybe I'll just take a little bit of a step-back from my end of the friendship. |