Book or Group Recommendations for Secondary Infertility

[Anonymous]

40 yo with secondary infertility and several recent miscarriages; wondering if IVF is the right next step or time to move on mentally with a family that is finished growing. We can conceive but suspect there is something up with my egg quality given the number of no-heartbeat pregnancies. Still waiting on pathology from the latest loss.

I'm mentally between sadness/despair/giving up and occasionally rallying and TTC using ARTs offering a glimmer of hope but a hard road/long/expensive road. Then there is the guilt given that I have a child and shouldn't be so greedy.

Any recommended reading/books on both the IVF or other relevant ARTs processes, and also on the mental coping? I try to check in here but am still unfamiliar with all the lingo. Will also make some consultative appointments at 1-2 fertility clinics, to get more of a diagnostic of our specific situation, but want to be more educated and toughen up a bit first.

Thanks all for sharing your brave journeys!

[Anonymous]

I was in your shoes a few years ago (started TTC #2 at 41) and I found this board to be a little too quiet. People like to bash it on here a lot, but there was actually a great board on babycenter for the Over 40 TTC crowd, including an IVF subgroup. It was filled with mostly mature, thoughtful women who often gave insightful and constructive feedback. I did end up getting pregnant and having #2 at 42 (with IVF from my frozen eggs), but I still go back and check that board regularly because I grew attached to a lot of the women's stories. If you ever want someone to chat with, feel free to post a burner email - I'd be happy to be a sounding board. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

The Couples Guide to IVF. It’s an older book but I found it to be the most comprehensive, and realistic guide; with dozens and dozens of real life profiles of people dealing with all different types of infertility and treatments, and sample schedules for IUI and IVF. I read more than a dozen books while pursuing ART, and this remains the very best one.

[Anonymous]

We were in a very similar boat. Tried naturally for number two for a while, then figured we would need some help. Also had feelings about how far we wanted to go when we weren't pursuing parenthood, but adding to our family.

At your age (which is mine also) the doctors were very candid that anything other than IVF would be wasting our time and money. To me, IVF seemed like pulling out the big guns and I had a hard time getting my head around jumping right to that point, but I did appreciate the honesty of the clinicians that IUI and other methods were unlikely to produce results. We are with Shady Grove and they "assigned" several informative modules/videos for us on the various options, I found them helpful.

If you are even thinking that this is something you might want to pursue, I would start the process. It took quite a while to wait for a consult appointment and then a while to complete the baseline tests (some have to be done on certain days in your menstrual cycle so we often had to wait several weeks to begin). I used that time to get my head around the idea that we were going down this path - I am glad I was "multi-tasking" as if I would have waited until I was mentally ready, we would have lost a lot of time.

[Anonymous]

I started IVF in my twenties for my first child and even then it was a lot to get my head around. Since I was young, I was assuming I needed something a lot less invasive. I remember hearing IVF after my testing and feeling like I can't believe this is me and feeling overwhelmed. I think most clinics require some kind of orientation class to learn the vocabulary and learn how to give shots. SGF was the most extensive and was online. I had a similar decision for number 2. I knew I needed IVF. It seemed like a no brainer when I started less than a year after my birth of my first. Many years and failed IVFs later, I am finally pregnant. I don't regret my pregnancy (I'm thrilled); however, had I known what I would have to go through, I honestly don't know what I would have done. It's easy to get sucked in to thinking just one more try/ tweek. I plan to use my small number of frozen embryos for another child, but I'm not sure I would attempt another fresh cycle.