Would you tell your IVF child that you discarded the extra embryos?

[Anonymous]

Why would a child be owed this level of radical transparency? I might share if they are finding themselves in the same situation. But in general, I do not owe anyone a complete audit of my medical decisions unless it is directly relevant to their health or my health. I certainly do not need a teenager second guessing intensely personal decisions.

[Anonymous]

Okay, you've gotten a lot of feedback. I only read half of the responses because, wow, so many. I'm chiming in here because I.did not think about the question you're asking as seriously as I wish I had. I am thrilled that IVF worked for us, but I did end up with four additional tested embryos after I was done having children and it was a very difficult emotional decision for me when it came time to decide how to proceed. I have spent a lot of time considering what Donor Conceived People say and the main takeaway is that they are not on board with anonymous embryo donation that deprives donor conceived people of getting to know their genetic siblings as children, for instance. In the end, I decided to donate our embryos to another couple. They have beautiful children who look just like mine. My children know about their genetic siblings and are excited to meet them someday. This way of handling additional embryos is newer, but growing.
Like so many have already said, you can't know if this will even be an issue at this point. However, it's totally worth thinking through. Wishing you the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few things:

1) No, not everyone ends up with a bunch of extra embryos. It’s age and diagnosis dependent, and luck plays a huge role. For me, unexplained secondary infertility, great numbers, 39 years old, the doctor said on average you get one PGT-A normal embryo, which basically gives you a 50/50 shot at a baby, hence the 50% success rate. We ended up with a whopping 4 embryos, but 3 were PGT-A abnormal (not compatible with life). Our one stuck, so no extra.

2) I think some of this is misplaced anxiety. What you will tell your hypothetical child 10+ years from now is an emotional red herring. It sounds like YOU are a bit uncomfortable discarding embryos, and that’s how your mind is expressing that discomfort. I’d explore from that angle.

This. Keep the embroys frozen forever, or discard them. It's up to you to decide and I doubt your future children will care at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’d just wait and see what happens. We got a lot of embryos (6), but only 1 resulted in a live birth (so very thankful). And then if you have extra, you can revisit the conversation. IVF was supposed to be easy for us, young, healthy, great stats and it was harder than expected and can be for a lot of women. I hope it’s easier for you.

Isn’t ending up with a lot of extra embryos the norm? What are the chances that we would only end up with one?

My close relative ended up with just 1–her miracle daughter. Early menopause — low ovarian reserve at 35

[Anonymous]

If you test the embryos, not that many are normal. Of 6 tested so far, 2 are normal for me. If I didn’t test, I would think that there was way more potential than there actually is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you test the embryos, not that many are normal. Of 6 tested so far, 2 are normal for me. If I didn’t test, I would think that there was way more potential than there actually is.

It depends on your age. People that do IVF younger without underlying infertility issues typically have 67-80% genetically normal embryos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you test the embryos, not that many are normal. Of 6 tested so far, 2 are normal for me. If I didn’t test, I would think that there was way more potential than there actually is.

It depends on your age. People that do IVF younger without underlying infertility issues typically have 67-80% genetically normal embryos.

Why are younger people without IF doing IVF?

[Anonymous]

^^^ Agree. Who would suffer through this if they didn’t have to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you test the embryos, not that many are normal. Of 6 tested so far, 2 are normal for me. If I didn’t test, I would think that there was way more potential than there actually is.

It depends on your age. People that do IVF younger without underlying infertility issues typically have 67-80% genetically normal embryos.

Why are younger people without IF doing IVF?

Donor eggs

Lesbians who want to have one parent genetically related and one carry

Surrogates

People with genetic disorders they need to screen for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you test the embryos, not that many are normal. Of 6 tested so far, 2 are normal for me. If I didn’t test, I would think that there was way more potential than there actually is.

It depends on your age. People that do IVF younger without underlying infertility issues typically have 67-80% genetically normal embryos.

Why are younger people without IF doing IVF?

Donor eggs

Lesbians who want to have one parent genetically related and one carry

Surrogates

People with genetic disorders they need to screen for

Yes, many couples need it to screen for genetic disorders or to reduce disease risk. It’s common for people to do this to screen for the BRACA gene (breast cancer risk gene) and some do it for APOE4 (Alzheimer’s risk gene).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you test the embryos, not that many are normal. Of 6 tested so far, 2 are normal for me. If I didn’t test, I would think that there was way more potential than there actually is.

It depends on your age. People that do IVF younger without underlying infertility issues typically have 67-80% genetically normal embryos.

Why are younger people without IF doing IVF?

Donor eggs

Lesbians who want to have one parent genetically related and one carry

Surrogates

People with genetic disorders they need to screen for

Yes, many couples need it to screen for genetic disorders or to reduce disease risk. It’s common for people to do this to screen for the BRACA gene (breast cancer risk gene) and some do it for APOE4 (Alzheimer’s risk gene).

Misspelled the gene it’s actually BRCA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you even need to tell your child they were an IVF baby? I barely remember it myself, two years later. We mostly did it to select gender (wanted one of each)

DP.
In my case, the source of infertility (PCOS) is likely hereditary. I want my 2 DDs to know that they may also experience infertility, as well as other medical conditions (possible links between PCOS and heart disease, type II diabetes, endometrial cancer, etc). So, yes, I plan to discuss my infertility diagnosis and our experience with IVF once they are old enough to understand.
My mother dealt with infertility, multiple miscarriages, and other health effects of what was likely undiagnosed PCOS, but none of that info was shared with me until I was a year into infertility treatments myself. Having that info earlier would have been very helpful ( I would have prioritized pregnancy earlier in our marriage and not waited until I was 33 to start trying, had I known it would take several years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’d just wait and see what happens. We got a lot of embryos (6), but only 1 resulted in a live birth (so very thankful). And then if you have extra, you can revisit the conversation. IVF was supposed to be easy for us, young, healthy, great stats and it was harder than expected and can be for a lot of women. I hope it’s easier for you.

Isn’t ending up with a lot of extra embryos the norm? What are the chances that we would only end up with one?

My close relative ended up with just 1–her miracle daughter. Early menopause — low ovarian reserve at 35

Exactly. There's a misconception that IVF = leftover embryos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’d just wait and see what happens. We got a lot of embryos (6), but only 1 resulted in a live birth (so very thankful). And then if you have extra, you can revisit the conversation. IVF was supposed to be easy for us, young, healthy, great stats and it was harder than expected and can be for a lot of women. I hope it’s easier for you.

Leftover embryos are only common for people that do IVF in their 20’s


Isn’t ending up with a lot of extra embryos the norm? What are the chances that we would only end up with one?

My close relative ended up with just 1–her miracle daughter. Early menopause — low ovarian reserve at 35

Exactly. There's a misconception that IVF = leftover embryos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been trying to conceive for around 10 months and are starting to consider what our next step will be, and obviously IVF could very well be part of our future. Something that keeps entering my mind is a hypothetical conversation with our future child regarding having used IVF to conceive them. If we end up with additional embryos which is quite likely and choose to discard them, I don’t know how I would feel about sharing that with my child.
I have never heard this discussed before and I’m wondering what most parents do. I get the impression that most parents eventually tell their children about their origins, but do they share that info? Not with a young child obviously, but I could see a teen who is familiar with the process asking if there were additional embryos and what then? Is this something that most parents reveal?

Why would you tell your child that you conceived via IVF? If done the “traditional” manner, would you be considering whether to tell them it was missionary vs doggy?