14 y/o old foster picking on autistic younger sibling

[Anonymous]

I am a mom to 2 foster kids, a 14 y/o and an 8 y/o with nonverbal autism and CP. They are both biological siblings. 14 y/o has left marks, pushed him down, scratched him, hit him. we only know what happens when it's in view of the cameras.. otherwise he will lie and say he doesn't know what happened and will still lie when we show him the videos. But today after I confronted him about abuse and he went on a rant that this is "his" brother and since I'm not biologically related what he does to his brother is up to him. He has been kicked out of previous foster homes for abusing his brother, but the CW keeps placing them together for whatever reason. I call the police who just tell him to stop and then leave. Biomom is in jail and fad has supervised visitation Mon Wed Fri after school. There is a supervisor there who supervises dad but allows 14 y/o and 8 y/o unsupervised together. I pointed out clear signs pf physical abuse to the CW and she does nothing. I watch them at home closely but I can't keep an eye on them 24/7. He will take whatever opportunity given to abuse his younger brother. If I remove them from my care CW will still place them together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom to 2 foster kids, a 14 y/o and an 8 y/o with nonverbal autism and CP. They are both biological siblings. 14 y/o has left marks, pushed him down, scratched him, hit him. we only know what happens when it's in view of the cameras.. otherwise he will lie and say he doesn't know what happened and will still lie when we show him the videos. But today after I confronted him about abuse and he went on a rant that this is "his" brother and since I'm not biologically related what he does to his brother is up to him. He has been kicked out of previous foster homes for abusing his brother, but the CW keeps placing them together for whatever reason. I call the police who just tell him to stop and then leave. Biomom is in jail and fad has supervised visitation Mon Wed Fri after school. There is a supervisor there who supervises dad but allows 14 y/o and 8 y/o unsupervised together. I pointed out clear signs pf physical abuse to the CW and she does nothing. I watch them at home closely but I can't keep an eye on them 24/7. He will take whatever opportunity given to abuse his younger brother. If I remove them from my care CW will still place them together.

Talk to the supervisor of your CW person, citing these incidents. Document everything- when people come for meetings, have them sign something. Get the supervisor's name and number and keep calling her. Document everything to your supervising agency.

[Anonymous]

Special needs mom. This is heartbreaking. Get in touch with Marni Greenspoon at Disability Rights Maryland. Your foster child needs a guardian ad litem to advocate for him. This is a legal issue.

Marni Greenspoon email marnig at disabilityrightsmd dot org

Also please post this on the MCneeds page on yahoo.

Even if you are not in Maryland, please contact. You will be advised anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom to 2 foster kids, a 14 y/o and an 8 y/o with nonverbal autism and CP. They are both biological siblings. 14 y/o has left marks, pushed him down, scratched him, hit him. we only know what happens when it's in view of the cameras.. otherwise he will lie and say he doesn't know what happened and will still lie when we show him the videos. But today after I confronted him about abuse and he went on a rant that this is "his" brother and since I'm not biologically related what he does to his brother is up to him. He has been kicked out of previous foster homes for abusing his brother, but the CW keeps placing them together for whatever reason. I call the police who just tell him to stop and then leave. Biomom is in jail and fad has supervised visitation Mon Wed Fri after school. There is a supervisor there who supervises dad but allows 14 y/o and 8 y/o unsupervised together. I pointed out clear signs pf physical abuse to the CW and she does nothing. I watch them at home closely but I can't keep an eye on them 24/7. He will take whatever opportunity given to abuse his younger brother. If I remove them from my care CW will still place them together.

Talk to the supervisor of your CW person, citing these incidents. Document everything- when people come for meetings, have them sign something. Get the supervisor's name and number and keep calling her. Document everything to your supervising agency.

I did complain to the supervisor today. She said I am overthinking it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom to 2 foster kids, a 14 y/o and an 8 y/o with nonverbal autism and CP. They are both biological siblings. 14 y/o has left marks, pushed him down, scratched him, hit him. we only know what happens when it's in view of the cameras.. otherwise he will lie and say he doesn't know what happened and will still lie when we show him the videos. But today after I confronted him about abuse and he went on a rant that this is "his" brother and since I'm not biologically related what he does to his brother is up to him. He has been kicked out of previous foster homes for abusing his brother, but the CW keeps placing them together for whatever reason. I call the police who just tell him to stop and then leave. Biomom is in jail and fad has supervised visitation Mon Wed Fri after school. There is a supervisor there who supervises dad but allows 14 y/o and 8 y/o unsupervised together. I pointed out clear signs pf physical abuse to the CW and she does nothing. I watch them at home closely but I can't keep an eye on them 24/7. He will take whatever opportunity given to abuse his younger brother. If I remove them from my care CW will still place them together.

Talk to the supervisor of your CW person, citing these incidents. Document everything- when people come for meetings, have them sign something. Get the supervisor's name and number and keep calling her. Document everything to your supervising agency.

I did complain to the supervisor today. She said I am overthinking it.

Then you complain to er supervisor and keep going up the chain until something is done.

[Anonymous]

Also you have to supervise them 24/7 or pay someone who can.

The 8 yo can't contine to be attacked in your home.

[Anonymous]

And tell the caseworker you are documenting conversations and collecting video evidence that can be used should something ever happen to the younger child at his brother's hand. They need to know that they are on notice. Someone needs to protect a child because the system is failing him. Thank you for being that person!!!!

[Anonymous]

Thank you for being there.

It's possible that the older child is re-enacting abuse carried out on him. In any case will the foster care system provide counseling for him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also you have to supervise them 24/7 or pay someone who can.

The 8 yo can't contine to be attacked in your home.

plus 1 billion

[Anonymous]

If something happens to the younger one in your care, you may be held responsible. Older child needs counseling and far more support to deal with what is going on. They are probably very angry for being in foster care and he knows if he acts up enough he will get put out. You may want try to build a relationship with him separate from his brother and let him know you are there no matter what but the behavior needs to stop now. Get him help from a male therapist and if you can talk to dad try to get his support. Talk to the supervisor and start sending weekly emails to the social worker and supervisor on the behaviors as well as the good things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also you have to supervise them 24/7 or pay someone who can.

The 8 yo can't contine to be attacked in your home.

plus 1 billion

This. Plus 447 and 2002. We are foster parents, too. You must document everything. Even now going back to document some of it retroactively and then keep records going forward. Make sure your cameras are taping in public areas of your house and tell the agency. Then begin to work it up the chain at your agency. Do not let it rest with your contact, go to his/her supervisor and so forth. Definitely contact MG - this is a legit rec. It is your bad luck to have to deal with this but deal with it you must. Both children's lives are at stake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also you have to supervise them 24/7 or pay someone who can.

The 8 yo can't contine to be attacked in your home.

plus 1 billion

This. Plus 447 and 2002. We are foster parents, too. You must document everything. Even now going back to document some of it retroactively and then keep records going forward. Make sure your cameras are taping in public areas of your house and tell the agency. Then begin to work it up the chain at your agency. Do not let it rest with your contact, go to his/her supervisor and so forth. Definitely contact MG - this is a legit rec. It is your bad luck to have to deal with this but deal with it you must. Both children's lives are at stake.

One other resource is to call the Boys Town hot line, 1-800-448-3000. They are the best in the business at helping troubled children. They may be able to give you some advice about the placement agency but they also can give you some immediate strategies for dealing with the abusive brother.

[Anonymous]

Call the CW and tell her that the 14 yr old needs to be moved or both children need to be moved and give her 24 hours. If she doesn't act, pack up the kids and return them to her office. Yes, it's harsh but this is a no win situation. You are not going to save anyone here. The 14 yr old needs real help, you can not reasonably supervise 24 hours a day and eventually your 8 yr olds needs will also become overwhelming. It's likely the 14 yr old needs residential care at this point.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any advice OP, but just want to offer empathy. This sounds really hard! And you're doing a good thing. Take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call the CW and tell her that the 14 yr old needs to be moved or both children need to be moved and give her 24 hours. If she doesn't act, pack up the kids and return them to her office. Yes, it's harsh but this is a no win situation. You are not going to save anyone here. The 14 yr old needs real help, you can not reasonably supervise 24 hours a day and eventually your 8 yr olds needs will also become overwhelming. It's likely the 14 yr old needs residential care at this point.

This is absolutely terrible advice. WTH is wrong with you? You are one heartless poster.