Please help - how do I get son to enjoy typical boy activities?

[Anonymous]

DS is 6 but dislikes any sport. You name it he says he won't play it. We tried soccer, basketball, baseball, just playing catch, kickball, swimming, tae kwon do....He is desperately wanting to play WITH OTHER KIDS his age, but all they want to play is sports though. Since he can't (or won't) he has a hard time making and keeping friends. Kids like him a lot but when he keeps saying 'no' to every game they suggest, they eventually stop coming over and calling him to come play. Now some of them are even avoiding him and he is beginning to ask me, "Why won't so and so play with me?" and "Why did so and so run into the back yard when they say me coming up their driveway?" My heart breaks for him. He tries to get them to play things he is comfortable with such as water balloons, water blasters, hide and go seek, anything but sports. ONce in a blue moon they'll oblige but not often. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

children naturally avoid areas of weakness (as we all do). one approach would be to have him evaluated by an occupational therapist, who could give you a sense of the cause of his reluctance and could work with him in ways that he is comfortable with in order to improve his skills and level of comfort in other areas. this might be worth looking into because his inflexibility combined with his low skill level might be masking other issues that the ot could identify. jennifer rosenberg of way2grow is fantastic.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't try to get him to play sports. You are sending him a very big signal that the things he likes and dislikes are not right. They are right for him. I don't buy this "weaknesses" reason unless you notice he is wild about watching sports but won't participate. I think it may be as simple as he really doesn't like sports. So accept him as a kid who doesn't like sports and nurture all the interests he does have. It is not true that everyone else is playing sports. A lot of boys don't like sports. Help him build friendships with those likeminded kids.

[Anonymous]

So what does he like to do? Play w/ certain toys? Which ones? Can you invite kids over to play inside (where they can plays w/ toys) instead of outside (where they are more likely to want to play sports)? How about meeting friends at a playground? My son loves insects so I sent him to a nature camp and he found a kindred spirit there. They have had a few playdates and spent their time hunting for bugs.

[Anonymous]

You can also give him some success and improve his self-esteem in physical activity by trying the individual sports like swimming, Tae Kwon Do or track and field (for little guys).

My son was very much like yours and he never really connected with the "sports guys" but he developed his own little group of music, science, computer friends. (He's 18 now)

Steel yourself for years of watching your guy be on the sidelines though. And definitely find a school where he can be appreciated by teachers and other students for who he is and where there are other kids with similar interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:children naturally avoid areas of weakness (as we all do). one approach would be to have him evaluated by an occupational therapist, who could give you a sense of the cause of his reluctance and could work with him in ways that he is comfortable with in order to improve his skills and level of comfort in other areas. this might be worth looking into because his inflexibility combined with his low skill level might be masking other issues that the ot could identify. jennifer rosenberg of way2grow is fantastic.

I totally agree with this. We had our DS evaluated for this very reason right after he turned 5. He had such a defeatist attitude about sport, stating flat out "I can't do that". When he hadn't even tried. It was carrying over into other areas like the playground. He gave up trying to climb the monkey bars when he used to have fun trying to climb. Turns out, he has some motor planning and low muscle tone issues. He was getting to the age where he was noticing that he wasn't as good as other kids, that things were harder for him and he was embarrased that smaller kids were better than him. He wasn't able to articulate this but in hindsight it's clear he was feeling it. After a couple months of occupational therapy, the turnaround was amazing. He's never going to be a varsity athlete but at least when he says he doesn't like something we know it's because he really doesn't and not because he's afraid it will be hard or that he won't be good at it - which is the way it was before.

[Anonymous]

Third the OT eval idea. If you are in NW DC, Leaps & Bounds is good and I heard that they might be taking insurance now.

[Anonymous]

OP -- my 7 year old don is popular, plays with friends a lot -- but he isn't that into sports. So I'm trying to think what he does like to do with them. Mostly they build with Legos, play on the playground (but just running around, swining on swings, fighting each other with lightsabrs -- no "sports" per se). Trade Pokemon cards. Play Wii or computer games.

Come to thin of it most of the boys I know, don't really play sports with each other -- except as an organized thing.

I'm not saying that's a great thing -- I wish my son would go play soccer or baseball instead of wanting to play computer games! But just so you know your child isn't alone.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if you are not misreading what is going on. I have three kids, two of whom are boys. None of my kids likes team sports even a little bit. And, that has not kept them from making friends. But for the occasional game of basketball played by the older neighborhood kids, the closest to sports that I see the kids play is kick ball or frisbee. Most of the time, the kids are out riding their bikes, searching for insects, playing on swingsets and monkey bars, and the like.

One of my kids does have more difficulty than the others with making friends. But, it has nothing to do with sports. This particular kid is kind of immature and quirky and socially skills don't come naturally to him.

So, in answer to your question of what do you do, I think you should re-evaluate and try to figure out whether the real issue is sports. If it is, then you have to realize that your son may never fit in with your neighborhood kids because not all kids are going to like sports and you just happen to have one that doesn't. Then, you have to find a peer group for him and make opportunities for him to have playdates. On the other hand, if the issue is something else, such as in the case of my son, quirkiness or lack of social skills, there are groups and therapies that help kids develop better social skills, which, of course is in addition to working on this at home.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

PP, that was a very thoughtful answer. My take is the following: if he seems to like sports but not participating (if his responses are "I can't do that", then it certainly makes sense to go to an OT/PT to have him evaluated and try to find support for him to develop greater coordination. If he then is more interested in sports, great. If he really shows no interest in sports, help him find a group of kids similar to him in interests. Finally, if he simply having trouble on the social skills side (which is difficult for a parent to gauge and often hard to accept by any parent), find him the support that will help him. If it really is just plain disinterest in sports, I don't think your son has any problems going forward.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 23:14. Our son, 6, is definitely not interested in team sports. From a young age, we acquired various things -- soccer nets, t-ball sets etc. -- just not something he was looking to do. We signed him up for soccer last fall and, while he actually runs quite fast and has good control of the ball, really wasn't interested. He's very creative, a totally fearless climber, and, finally, this summer, is into swimming. Also good at ice skating. I think it's a huge mistake to push kids in this regard, and I say that as a dad. I suspect that, if he ever gets into a sport, it will be an individual sport. Change your approach on this, OP. I asked his pediatrician at his last check-up and he said to just let him be -- as long as he's engaged in some type of physical activity, he'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

But that's just the thing, he isn't into ANY physical activity. We tried so many different activities. He is at peace to be at home playing withhis toys. Now other kids his age, our neighbor's kids, are starting to play more sports. He can't. So he has to just watch or go back home.

I don't want to force him into any sport. But if he doesn't enjoy at least one kind of sport won't he have a hard time making friends with other boys? Most boys like some kind of sport.

[Anonymous]

A lot of boys like sports but there are a decent amount who really don't. I find it more unusual that boys as young as your son are only into sports and don't want to play other things. Among our son's friends who are more sports-inclined, they still all love playing with toys, playing games etc. As a dad, I think it's gender-stereotyping to assume that all boys are into sports and there's something wrong if they're not...

[Anonymous]

OP, are there any other kids in the neighborhood that he shares interests with? Can you invite the sporty neighbor kids over for a playdate?

[Anonymous]

Well he likes this 'sporty' kid so I thought of letting the child and his mom know they are welcome to come over for play dates. But now that child wants nothing to do with DC. He pretty much broke off the friendship completely. When he sees DC in the yard he runs inside his house. It breaks my heart to watch all this.

There are some other boys do enjoy doing other things and DC can play games and do other activities with them. But DC particularly likes this one child who is the sporty type. He is very friendly, very extroverted, high energy type who can lead play very well whereas I suppose the other boys are not as socially adept or as friendly. So I suppose this is why DC likes the sporty boy so much.

Another possibility is that DC is short for his age. When DC and this sporty kid met, there was already a bit of a height disparity, but by next year, sporty kid seemed to have grown three inches whereas DC grew about 1 inch.