Dinner parties with couples

[Anonymous]

DH and I would like to start having dinner parties with friends and colleagues. For the past several years, we have neglected friends because of two kids (they are under 5) and my grad school (I also work full-time). We literally barely had time for our family and household chores. Now that the kids are at the stage where they don't need constant attention and can play by themselves for a bit and my grad school is over, we'd like to reconnect with friends. But I feel like my social skills are lacking.

I am a good cook and enjoy company. But I am really afraid of what to talk about with people. With my girlfriends, when it's just two to several of us, we always find topics to discuss. But what do you do with couples that you don't know as well? With several co-workers with whom I am very friendly at work and have a lot to talk about, there's never any silence. But when spouses are present it's different, and awkward silence appears.

How do you do dinner parties with one-two couples that are actually fun and not awkward? Do you play games? Any advice is appreciaed!

[Anonymous]

Play games? Omg no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Play games? Omg no.

Ok, see, I said my social skills were lacking!

I was thinking playing monopoly or trivia of some sort (actually, DH suggested that).

So if not games, what do you do and how do you do it?

[Anonymous]

We started a supper club. It is really fun picking out the menu and specialty drinks. Everyone gets involved and is a good conservation starter.

And don't do games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Play games? Omg no.

We play games. Cards. Cards against humanities. Dominos. Whatever. Drinking talking gaming. Fun!

[Anonymous]

I think conversation oriented games are fun with 2-3 couples. Games like What? or Things in a Box. They can help break the ice and get people laughing but it depends on your group. (Also on how much wine is involved). Forcing a game will be sterile. Some people like them and are accustomed to interacting with extended family that way.

For social conversation ideas be real. Tell funny stories. If someone asks how your week was be honest. Tell stories in ways that people can put themselves in your shoes (describe your reactions/feelings). There's lists of conversation ideas or questions online - having a few in mind could help you relax. Asking things like do you have any holidays planned for the winter can open up all sorts of talk. Sharing recent experiences you've had.. asking for advice (I need a new ____ do you have any recommendations). Talk about a new hobby or class your considering.

If your guests offer to help with dinner prep let them. People like helping and chopping up veggies for salad while you cook the main courses takes some pressure off and conversation can flow naturally. Nothing wrong with the women in one area and the men in the other at the beginning. I actually think that helps.

Be observant.. notice things about them.. offer a compliment or two.. be relaxed and if your home is warm and friendly your guests will be too : )

Involving the kids can help. Depending on ages but having them around or setting up something fun that the adults can watch or 'attend' is fun. My kids set up a fair during a dinner party once. They sold tickets to the adults and guided us through the activities. Give them a fun scavenger hunt that gets them interacting with the other kids and adult guests.

I really think it depends on your group and what vibe you're going for. I find more casual to be more natural and more likely to lead to repeats.

[Anonymous]

Instead of coworkers we only sort of know (or only know half of couple), we invite other couples we know and like already.

[Anonymous]

If you're worried about awkwardness, it might be a good idea to invite two couples at first - one you are very comfortable with, and one that you might not know as well. Make sure to include the new guys in the conversation, but you can trust your better friends to help carry you through and keep the conversation going.

We have friends over for dinner a lot, and keeping the conversation going has never really been an issue. Wine certainly helps. Sometimes we'll host a game night, which is also fun with the right crowd (Cards Against Humanity, Poker, Trivial Pursuit).

While I enjoy making a nice meal, lighting some candles, and sitting at the table, you might be more relaxed hosting more causal dinners. With little kids ourselves, we most often have other families with little kids over. I still make a nice meal and we all sit down to eat (with grown ups lingering at the table much longer) but it's a little more free wheeling.

[Anonymous]

I think games are fine for a game night--but then I wouldn't call it a dinner party. I'd just say game night and have easy/quick dinner followed by games.

For a dinner party, I usually assume the main activity is eating--and drinking of course. I think you craft your guest list around people who are outgoing enough to help carry conversations, and people who you think would find things in common to talk about. Don't make it all colleagues from the same workplace and their partners--then the topic inevitably turns to work and people are left out. Don't invite all introverts to the same dinner.

11:07 had some really great advice as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Play games? Omg no.

We play games. Cards. Cards against humanities. Dominos. Whatever. Drinking talking gaming. Fun!

My fiancé and I do this too. We love Cards Againt Humanity! Remove the stick from your ass and have a few laughs instead of always having to appear oh-so-refined and uppity.

[Anonymous]

Involving the kids can help. Depending on ages but having them around or setting up something fun that the adults can watch or 'attend' is fun. My kids set up a fair during a dinner party once. They sold tickets to the adults and guided us through the activities. Give them a fun scavenger hunt that gets them interacting with the other kids and adult guests.

This sounds awful to me, being forced to do this during a dinner party. If I'm going to a dinner party with adult friends, i don't want to interact with the kids or entertain them. Mine or theirs.

[Anonymous]

Just invite enough people who are good at carrying a conversation, have a cocktail hour before dinner with some snacks, introduce people who might have similar or compatible interests or styles, make a dinner that doesn't require you to be in the kitchen the whole time right up to dinner, seat people with an eye toward conversation (meaning split up couples or close friends), think of some interesting conversational gambits ahead of time, keep the wine/beer/liquor flowing. Maybe find some books on hosting parties. Read Emily Post or something. This is how you do it right.

No games, no gimmicks, and for the love of god, no kids.

[Anonymous]

wife and I often entertain. one of the thinsg we do and we will provide the main dish, meat and drinks. and have our guests bring something to share...

and we have a finished basement and large yard with basket ball hoop so the kids are always welcome and they always find stuff to do. plus it takes some of the stress from the guests, knowing that they don't have to find a sitter or be home early to take the sitter home .

with football season. do a tailgate theme. have football games on. set up some tables do beer pong for the adults, soda pong for th ekids. cornhole, ect. the folks that wanna play will play the folks that want to drink of socialize will do that..

[Anonymous]

We entertain regularly. To me, the key is to have only 2 or at most 3 other couples. Any more and it turns into a party (nothing wrong with a party, but not what I'm going for). We talk about kids' activities, travel, general family news, volunteering and the latest bike race/run people are planning to do next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We started a supper club. It is really fun picking out the menu and specialty drinks. Everyone gets involved and is a good conservation starter.

And don't do games.

What is a supper club?