6th grade girls - best friend has moved onto another group/friend

[Anonymous]

My 6th grade daughter is having a bit of a rough time lately. Her longtime best friend has been moving into a clique of girls who aren't particularly friendly to my daughter. No one is mean, per se, but they don't go out of their way to include her. She knows she's losing her best friend, but isn't quite old enough to know how to put on a brave outward face. I checked her texts and there were a few to her (old) best friend, asking why she hadn't been texting her, and does she still like her, etc. It's heartbreaking to see that and I've tried explaining to her that we've all been in that situation before but she should try hard to keep her head up and not look like she's desperate. She was crying when we talked and just looked so sad, saying she hated school, etc. I wish there was something I could do, but I know there isn't. I'm just trying to be there for her to talk to, and of course I've suggested she try making friends with other girls.

It's not that she doesn't have any friends, but she doesn't have a true best friend at this point, and I can tell how sad she is. I guess I'm just venting; I know there's not much I can do except listen and try to support her. Anyone else been in this situation with their daughters?

[Anonymous]

We went through a patch like this in 4th grade. The worse part is that the school started sending home notes concerned that DD was playing alone and not making new friends. Gee, ever heard of grieving?
Oddly, the "BFF" came back about a month after DD stopped caring and made other friends. They play together, but my DD is pretty chary of her.
What helped meanwhile is that we de emphasized school friendships and focused on meeting new people and strengthening acquainanceships through GS, sports, church etc.
I'm not embarassed to say that we ran distraction and it was costly. I figured it was cheaper and more fun than therapy.

[Anonymous]

6th grade was the hardest for our DD socially. The girls are going through lots of changes and for some, they become very focused on social status. Just keep supporting her and suggesting different outings with different people. Try to help her learn to try and move on rather than continue to pursue the old bff.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you and your daughter. 6th grade was a train wreck for my DD. The girl she considered her BFF really branched out. She wasn't mean at all, but she was suddenly very busy after school and on weekends and moved to a different table at lunch. At the same time, another friend turned on her and made other friends pick sides. That was far more damaging than the loss of the BFF because she was pretty much always alone. By 7th grade, she had made some new friends and 8th grade is thankfully drama free. She's still lacking close friends though. Crossing my fingers she meets some nice girls in high school. Its hard to watch her struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went through a patch like this in 4th grade. The worse part is that the school started sending home notes concerned that DD was playing alone and not making new friends. Gee, ever heard of grieving?
Oddly, the "BFF" came back about a month after DD stopped caring and made other friends. They play together, but my DD is pretty chary of her.
What helped meanwhile is that we de emphasized school friendships and focused on meeting new people and strengthening acquainanceships through GS, sports, church etc.
I'm not embarassed to say that we ran distraction and it was costly. I figured it was cheaper and more fun than therapy.

I don't understand this??

[Anonymous]

Not the PP, but I suspect she means she kept her kid so busy in activities that she didn't miss the friendship as much. We went through a similar thing last year. My DD was already in a sport that was really ramping up and will happily announce now that "she has no time to socialize." Not entirely true, but she is very busy by design) Although my DD didn't really mourn the loss of BFF last year and really rolled with it quite well, BFF is now coming around more often (because her new BFF has clearly branched out). My DD is not as inclined to embrace her without her guard up a bit. This is normal, just tell your DD its best to have a broad group of friends and this is an opportunity to build that network.

[Anonymous]

Note that lots of girls expand their friendships and then return to friends from ES. So support your DD in maintaining a good relationship, even if its changing.

[Anonymous]

My 6th grade dd also having friendship issues.Dd also told me she hate texting school and did not want to go because of all the spreading of rumors and girl drama. Her friend got would not respond to her text messages and when dd asked why the girl said she was mad at her and blocked her. My dd also wants a best friend. I advised my dd to look at school as her job like going to work where she can have friends but does not have to hangout with them on the weekends. Thankfully my dd plays a sport that is year round and I went out of my way during winter break to make sure my dd spent time withe these girls as much as possible. My daughter sees that she does not have to depend on these girls from school. She has a fun life outside of school. It was not easy getting to this point with her. I'm sure we will go down this road again, and I will be there to support her, just like you are for your daughter. You and your daughter are not alone. Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

6th grade can be such a rough time. I'm a youth librarian and one of my favorite books about losing a friendship at that age is "All Alone in the Universe" by Lynne Rae Perkins. I'd encourage her to read that. It doesn't have any wonderful solutions but shows that you aren't alone in going through this and that it does get better in time.

http://www.amazon.com/All-Alone-Universe-Lynne-Perkins/dp/0380733021/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1452000466&sr=1-1&keywords=all+alone+in+the+universe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6th grade can be such a rough time. I'm a youth librarian and one of my favorite books about losing a friendship at that age is "All Alone in the Universe" by Lynne Rae Perkins. I'd encourage her to read that. It doesn't have any wonderful solutions but shows that you aren't alone in going through this and that it does get better in time.

http://www.amazon.com/All-Alone-Universe-Lynne-Perkins/dp/0380733021/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1452000466&sr=1-1&keywords=all+alone+in+the+universe

+1 Great book...this stuff is so hard. I also really like Girls Will be Girls by Joann Deak as a resource for parents.

[Anonymous]

6th grade is the absolute worst.
I feel for you, momma, and for your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 6th grade daughter is having a bit of a rough time lately. Her longtime best friend has been moving into a clique of girls who aren't particularly friendly to my daughter. No one is mean, per se, but they don't go out of their way to include her. She knows she's losing her best friend, but isn't quite old enough to know how to put on a brave outward face. I checked her texts and there were a few to her (old) best friend, asking why she hadn't been texting her, and does she still like her, etc. It's heartbreaking to see that and I've tried explaining to her that we've all been in that situation before but she should try hard to keep her head up and not look like she's desperate. She was crying when we talked and just looked so sad, saying she hated school, etc. I wish there was something I could do, but I know there isn't. I'm just trying to be there for her to talk to, and of course I've suggested she try making friends with other girls.

It's not that she doesn't have any friends, but she doesn't have a true best friend at this point, and I can tell how sad she is. I guess I'm just venting; I know there's not much I can do except listen and try to support her. Anyone else been in this situation with their daughters?

No advice. Just an observation, in my experience the transition year to middle school (6th grade) and high school (9th grade) are the most difficult.

[Anonymous]

Not only girls! My DS is in a similar situation - breaks my heart to see him "chase" the boy who was is BF over summer and has moved on since school started. We also ramped up activities, as well as lots of encouragement to find other friends. Good luck - sniff sniff.

[Anonymous]

This age is so hard. We are finding texting, snapchat, Instagram all add to the stress and drama of cliques / friendships - it all seems to impact boys and their friendships a lot more than I expected as you always hear about 'girl drama' but less about boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not only girls! My DS is in a similar situation - breaks my heart to see him "chase" the boy who was is BF over summer and has moved on since school started. We also ramped up activities, as well as lots of encouragement to find other friends. Good luck - sniff sniff.

+1