How do you define a 'high needs' child?

[Anonymous]

DC has already been evaluated and is not special needs. But the psychiatrist never mentioned the term 'high needs' to us. I've been reading a number of posts and have come upon the term 'high needs' myself. So I am trying to determine if DC's issues would categorize him as 'high needs' instead. I am also trying to determine a school that is the right 'fit' for DC given his mild issues. He was tested about a year ago and we learned he is gifted. But he is really just normal-bright in terms of what is apparent to people. He has an extensive vocabulary. He is intensely curious. He is very polite and has a calm disposition. His negatives are that he can be very strong-willed. He doesn't listen to the teacher the first or even the second and sometimes third times. If he isn't thoroughly interested he has a hard time sitting still anyway to listen. He has mild sensory issues, not in terms of becoming hyperactive or aggressive or being overly sensitive to noise and crowds, but rather has a difficult time sitting still for circletime and anything he finds boring.

Can anyone explain to me what they believe a 'high needs' child is? I'd also like to know how their children would describe a 'high needs' child. Please - no worries about offending me with your answer. I am really just interested in knowing how people might see DC.

[Anonymous]

to me "high needs" = "special needs"

[Anonymous]

The term "special" or "high" needs is thrown around because testing is commoditized. The correlation between older, high achieving parents and their need to breed all stars has psychologists seeing $$$. Nobody wants to discipline anymore. Instead people make excuses... "he has issues" "he is so kind & loving but..."

Unless your kid has received a specific diagnosis across some spectrum, then u will have a hard time convincing an AD that his "high needs" are worth the likely disruptions. Get a second or third opinion until you get a name for his "issues". Otherwise set limits & put your foot down. FWIW he seems normal to me; he just parents that reason way too much.

[Anonymous]

How old is he? Just curious because the behavior you describe can be very typical of a 5 or 6 year old boy.

[Anonymous]

He sounds typical to me, too. Just curious about a few things: Why did you have him evaluated? And what is the teacher doing to get him to respond more favorably to instruction? Does she have a consequences system in place? Does his class get enough exercise and movement time? High-spirited is a term parents and educators use for children like this.

[Anonymous]

Yes, the behaviour OP describes is typical of many boys in my DS' class. My DS can be spirited when he is with his gaggle of friends, but is usually able to calm down and redirect as necessary. One of my more enduring observations over the last three years that he has been at this school is that most of the boys have learned how to follow instruction and cooperate, even when they are not as interested in the activity. The boys who are not able to do so also appear to have less clear parameters about their conduct (as observed at their homes, parties, and soccer/baseball practice). As a parent it can be a challenge to distinguish between when you need to let children (toddler, preschool, preK years) figure it out and when you need to intercede - and I can't always tell if the parents of these boys have more lenient interpretations of letting children figure it out or are oblivious to how their children's conduct is alienating their classmates.

Teachers can only do so much in terms of modeling conduct. There will be times throughout the life of the OP's DS where he will be bored. Teachers and a school may be less understanding at ages 8, 10, 12, 14, etc. if the student does not cooperate because he is bored.

So, all that considered, I would try to figure out if there are behaviourial aspects that require professional intervention or if the parents and caregivers need to work more with the DS on modeling behaviour for both the up times and down times at school.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 14:09 but if OP's child is in K, I'd wait. I cannot tell you how many of the rambunctuous boys in my son's pre-K and k classes calmed down by Second Grade. That said, teachers always had a system in place, deterrents for not behaving (a yellow card was a warning, a red card was a sitout, etc.) Also, does OP's DC have a late or early birthday relative to classmates?

[Anonymous]

Need age of child to comment on this (and, I've never heard of high needs before - is that a nice way of saying high maintenance)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? Just curious because the behavior you describe can be very typical of a 5 or 6 year old boy.

He is 5 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with 14:09 but if OP's child is in K, I'd wait. I cannot tell you how many of the rambunctuous boys in my son's pre-K and k classes calmed down by Second Grade. That said, teachers always had a system in place, deterrents for not behaving (a yellow card was a warning, a red card was a sitout, etc.) Also, does OP's DC have a late or early birthday relative to classmates?

His classmates range in age from 3 through 6 because it's a montessori class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds typical to me, too. Just curious about a few things: Why did you have him evaluated? And what is the teacher doing to get him to respond more favorably to instruction? Does she have a consequences system in place? Does his class get enough exercise and movement time? High-spirited is a term parents and educators use for children like this.

We had him evaluated because occasionally when he was 2 he would be engrossed in a toy and not respond to us. We thought it might be autism. We learend that it was an auditory processing issue. But that has since resolved itself. He also had mild sensory issues. He just was touching everything if he was curious about it, even if we told him ten times not to. This has become much less of an issue now at age five. What remains is still his inability to sit still for activities he finds boring. He has a real hard time sitting still during dinner, circle time, anything remotely boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? Just curious because the behavior you describe can be very typical of a 5 or 6 year old boy.

But every single 5 or 6 year old in his class is able to sit still for circle time. Every single kid his age seems to sit still while having dinner. Its nearly impossible for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The term "special" or "high" needs is thrown around because testing is commoditized. The correlation between older, high achieving parents and their need to breed all stars has psychologists seeing $$$. Nobody wants to discipline anymore. Instead people make excuses... "he has issues" "he is so kind & loving but..."

Unless your kid has received a specific diagnosis across some spectrum, then u will have a hard time convincing an AD that his "high needs" are worth the likely disruptions. Get a second or third opinion until you get a name for his "issues". Otherwise set limits & put your foot down. FWIW he seems normal to me; he just parents that reason way too much.

He is most definitely not on the spectrum. The psych ruled that out. But can't a child still have some other issues that are not just behavioral? As parents we try to only do positive discipline. We try our best to be consistent but maybe sometimes we aren't. We don't do timeout or spanking. We just do time in and reasoning and natural or logical consequences.

[Anonymous]

positive discipline doesn't work for every child. just because you like it doesn't mean it's effective. this is the consequence of reading books and deciding based on research and outcomes that is how you should parent. spend more time figuring out what works for your kid. try a mix of things but relying solely on positive discipline has gotten you nowhere.

and since when is timeout not positive... positive for me and positive for the kid. why? because timeout prevents everyone from psycho-ville. See! Positive!

[Anonymous]

He is most definitely not on the spectrum. The psych ruled that out. But can't a child still have some other issues that are not just behavioral? As parents we try to only do positive discipline. We try our best to be consistent but maybe sometimes we aren't. We don't do timeout or spanking. We just do time in and reasoning and natural or logical consequences.

I feel for you. My older DD, now 7, is like this. All the time I get the "if you just did......(insert observer's favorite discipline strategy here) she would be different". We waited until she was 7 to have her evaluated, but we are in FCPS. No way would a private school even take her. We were concerned about ADHD and/or anxiety disorder. The psychologist says it is "merely" neurological immaturity and poor self regulation skills. These are things she will grow out of, but she is out of step with her peers emotionally. The psychologist emphasized to us that these are behaviors she does not WANT to have and tries to regulate and can't. She also tested as highly gifted (and I know lots of people here don't believe in that) and this combined with her poor self regulation skills makes boredom very hard for her to tolerate. She tested into the FCPS GT program for next year so we are hoping that will help.

Anyway, we are beginning a combination of therapy and OT to try and help her gain some coping and regulation skills. But mainly it will take time.

Good luck.