jealous of more beautiful sister?

[Anonymous]

i have a sister 4 years younger than me who has always been the "beautiful one." when i was little, i was an ugly ducking and she was "cute". now that we;re in our twenties, she is "beautiful" and i'm a plain jane.

even though i love her very much, i get jealous of her good looks and the easy time she's always had socially. she always had it so easy and doesn't get how hard it can be for those who aren't genetically blessed.

can anyone relate?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely - although the age difference between us is 8 years. But she was always slender, beautiful, popular, sought after by men, etc...

I am significantly heavier, far less attractive to or skilled with the opposite sex, and have always felt like the ugly duckling next to her.

But. Now we're both in our 40's (opposite ends of the decade). I'm happily married w/ two healthy kids. She's extremely unhappily married w/ one deeply messed up stepchild, one young kid who is being slowly destroyed by the chaotic/nasty home environment, and ongoing significant health/emotional problems.

As it turns out, I'm the lucky one. So try not to let the green eyed monster run your world.

Go live your life. Do things that you love and that are totally separate from her. Focus on having as much fun and getting as much out of life as you can. Trust that it will all turn out as it should.

[Anonymous]

My sister is 7 years younger. I was always the conservative/smart one. She was the one who put everything into her looks i.e. pedicures, manicures, dyed hair etc. I am still the more conservative one. She has gained some weight and is bigger than me now, but she is by no means unattractive. I have a very handsome husband, two beautiful kids and a career. It doesn't affect me as I am happy with my life.

Is she "naturally" more attractive or does she do things to fix herself up? Can you make subtle changes to make yourself feel better? Like arch your eyebrows, get a new hair style, wear a eyeliner? I don't wear make up because I don't have time, but I can clean up pretty well when i need to.

[Anonymous]

My sister is 3 years older than me and is the pretty one. I'm far from ugly but next to her, I am not as pretty and did not get as much attention. But since things were not handed to me had to work a little harder than she did for the things I wanted. So fast forward 20 years, she's been through 2 divorces, has 3 kids with different dad's. I am happily married with 2 happy kids, have a well paying job and feel more secure and confident in myself due to how hard I had to work. She looks like she's having a good time dating younger men and partying with friends but it seems sad & desperate to me. I wouldn't want to trade places with her at all. Oh and I also think it helps that we don't live in the same state. When I go back home, I do sometimes feel insecure around her. But I think I am at a better place.

[Anonymous]

I can certainly relate. But I think you need to make your own way. A lot of this drama, competition and conflict plays out in your mind and does not need to. You do not need to constantly play the mental tape of "It would be so much easier to live my life if I were Larla Mae."

I believe therapy would help a lot. I know it did me with these issues with my brother. I think a lot of these issues are actually very old OP, and probably stem from a time in your life (early childhood) that it's time to let go of.

[Anonymous]

You need to flip the way you think about this. You are being jealous instead if loving. Appreciate her beauty and find your own. Be kind. Think about how wonderful it is that she was blessed with beauty instead of being jealous. Kindness can trump any outward beauty.

[Anonymous]

How about this: when I was young, I was cute enough, but not really a hit with guys. I did get married and have a happy life. Now my daughter is in her 20s; she is very pretty and popular with guys, though not really the "popular cheerleader" type. I am glad that she is not experiencing loneliness and insecurity like I did, but deep down I am a little... not jealous but envious, you know?
When we talked recently about a spot of "boy trouble" she was having, I told her frankly that because I never had issues with multiple beaus simultaneously competing for my attention, my advice will not be based on experience. I also told her that on the whole, this is a very good problem to have, compared to being completely invisible to guys at all.

[Anonymous]

Please don't be jealous of something neither of you have any control over. Don't heap your insecurities on your sister.

Be kind, be loving, and don't bring up looks at all. Focus your relationship on other things. Do the work to accept to yourself as you are, or change the things you don't like, not because of your sister, but for you.

[Anonymous]

Shoe on the other foot here -- I am tall, thin, thick hair, and 10 years younger than my short, chunky, thin-haired sister. And I always will be! Nothing Can change it! But I still need a good sister -- not someone who is cold and distant because of superficial genetic differences over which we have no control!

[Anonymous]

All of the girls in my family have had a beautiful stage when they are young. But only one of us was able to really maintain her looks into middle age. We admired her for it. Probably because she had inner beauty too.

[Anonymous]

It's a normal feeling.

As you grow up you realize each characteristic and circumstance has its own set of pluses and minuses. There are obvious benefits to her good looks. But there are other challenges she faces, related to her looks and not, that you do not deal with. That is life.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who still drones on about this, years later. It is immature and boring.

[Anonymous]

My sister is 15 years younger than me, and in her mid-twenties. She's beautiful - tall, athletic build, perky butt... And also, she's so attractive to men because she's completely unselfconscious. I have always been so insecure. I would hate her, but she's so fucking lovable and sweet and such a great sister... I guess I'm doomed to adore her like everyone else.

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting that so many of you are envious of your sisters even when there is a significant age difference. Especially 15 years!!!! I would think you would feel almost maternal toward your sister with that significant of an age difference.

Also, being very beautiful and having a ton of attention from men isn't always a good thing. I was a little chubby but pretty in high school and college, but then lost about 15 pounds when I graduated from college, and I suddenly started getting a lot of attention from guys. Since I wasn't used to it, I was totally overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle it. I also had the self-esteem of a previously overlooked chubby girl, so I was taken advantage of by guys who didn't have my best interest at heart.

I only have a son now, but if I ever have a daughter, I will work really hard to instill in her a strong degree of self confidence, no matter what she looks like, so she doesn't get taken advantage of like I did.

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of "I got the last laugh" type of posts which beguiles their live and let live messages. In reality the pretty one wins the majority of the time and that is just life and it is no different than the athletic stigma on the boys side