He punched me in the leg. Did I provoke it?

[Anonymous]

My H and I have had a terrible marriage - he has been emotionally abusive, taken away my access to our online bill paying, broken his own hand punching a door, breaking a table by kicking it, punching out a mirror....
Tonight he was kneeling at my DCs bedside and I pushed past his outstretched leg to get DC2 off the bed to her room. I did push past his leg, moving it 2" or so. I don't think it was done aggressively, but I WAS angry at him for an earlier fight he had w me, angrily and aggressively yell/talking to me, dropping the F bomb in front of kids several times. Bc he was kneeling my leg was in range if his punch.
He soon after blamed me for making him do it, and told our 4 yo DC that "mommy doesn't want to be a family anymore"
I'm not sure why I'm writing. I guess for someone to tell me I'm no better or to confirm my belief to leave ASAP. Mostly I'd like your experience and wisdom to weigh in on a complicated dynamic.
Thank you

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. I think you should find a good therapist. Your home life sounds incredibly toxic for you and your children.

[Anonymous]

This is abuse. You need to get out for your kids' sake.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you need to leave, and he should NEVER punch you anywhere under any circumstances. If DH pushed past me, AT MOST I'd say "excuse me" with a little attitude, not hit him!! This emotionally abusive man sounds like he's building up to bigger and worse things and you need to go before he hits you again and/or starts hitting the kids too. I am so sorry. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm struggling to find an analogy to help you see how desperately you need to leave.

Go somewhere in your house where your DH cannot hear you. Lock the door. Read your post aloud to yourself - except pretend that it's your sister or your mom or your best friend calling to tell you what just happened between her DH and you. Would you say to her "Well, why'd you push past his leg? That's your fault and you deserve it."

Next, close your eyes and imagine your DC calling you 15 years from now, from her college dorm, telling you that her boyfriend just hit her because she bumped into him while trying to get her books to study. Would you say "Well, you deserved that. Next time be more considerate of him."

Regardless of your answer to either of the two questions, you need immediate support/counseling to help you make decisions and understand your current options emotionally and physically.

And if your answer to either of the questions is "yes," then you need intensive and extensive help understanding that never, ever, ever, ever is it acceptable for a partner to hit another. I don't care whether you 'provoked' it or not: you didn't deserve to be hit. Your children didn't ask to be in a situation where violence is the answer to frustration.

Get out. It will get worse. You will get hurt even more than you already are hurt. And if nothing else will convince you -- please, please think of what you are teaching your children about responding to violence. They need to learn a different message: Violence is never okay. Ever.

Good luck and God bless you.

[Anonymous]

No matter what, you did not provoke him to use violence against you. He has no right to EVER lay a hand on you. He is physically, emotionally and psychologically abusing you. His behavior is teaching DCs that it is ok to act as he does. That increases the chances DCs will grow up being abusers or victims of abuse. Divorce him now.

[Anonymous]

I would have left long before this incident. The first sentence was more than enough. What are you waiting for?

[Anonymous]

Even IF you provoked it he should have never punched you. Especially not in front of the kids. What he said to your daughter is abusive to your kids.

It doesn't matter who is to blame. You two are no good together. Please leave and try to be good co-parents. He has been violent in the past and will be again.

[Anonymous]

Family Justice Center if you are in Montgomery County.

They have legal help, cell phones, therapy for you, therapy for kids. Will help with housing. Give an exit plan. Everything in one location.

http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/fjc/

The violence is too much and it will repeat itself, in your home and in your grown kids' homes. I'm watching (should say hearing about) my 40 year old brother hit and shove his girlfriend repeatedly now. Just like Dad. And his girlfriend refuses to get the police involved. It's a sick cycle. Please be the hero your kids need. Thinking of you....

[Anonymous]

You need to leave this man. For your sake and the sake of your children. Please don't let this continue.

[Anonymous]

OP please leave. He is not worth it. Believe me when I say your kids will remember the fights, the screaming, the negativity. I remember when my parents fought. And although I'm a grown adult now, I still get sick to my stomach thinking about it. You and your kids deserve better. Simple as that.

[Anonymous]

First of all, I caution you against posting these kinds of issues on DCUM. The posters here can get vicious about these kinds of situations.

Give some serious thought to leaving. Consider walking away from everyone in his family. I hope that you quickly get to the point that you see your lifestyle, relationship with him, relationship with his family, etc. are not worth more than very real damage to you and your children. Accept that it is only going to get worse, and never better. He may be nicer here and there, but that is not a real improvement, as you already know. This step is the hard one. You have to accept there is no hope and give up. It's scary and freeing. Unless someone has been there, they don't understand.

You should get a protective order ASAP. He will have to answer to the judge, but it's a civil matter, not a criminal one unless he breaks it. Call a women's shelter for next steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I caution you against posting these kinds of issues on DCUM. The posters here can get vicious about these kinds of situations.

Give some serious thought to leaving. Consider walking away from everyone in his family. I hope that you quickly get to the point that you see your lifestyle, relationship with him, relationship with his family, etc. are not worth more than very real damage to you and your children. Accept that it is only going to get worse, and never better. He may be nicer here and there, but that is not a real improvement, as you already know. This step is the hard one. You have to accept there is no hope and give up. It's scary and freeing. Unless someone has been there, they don't understand.

You should get a protective order ASAP. He will have to answer to the judge, but it's a civil matter, not a criminal one unless he breaks it. Call a women's shelter for next steps.

There are 10 posts between OP's and yours. Which ones are "vicious?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I caution you against posting these kinds of issues on DCUM. The posters here can get vicious about these kinds of situations.

Give some serious thought to leaving. Consider walking away from everyone in his family. I hope that you quickly get to the point that you see your lifestyle, relationship with him, relationship with his family, etc. are not worth more than very real damage to you and your children. Accept that it is only going to get worse, and never better. He may be nicer here and there, but that is not a real improvement, as you already know. This step is the hard one. You have to accept there is no hope and give up. It's scary and freeing. Unless someone has been there, they don't understand.

You should get a protective order ASAP. He will have to answer to the judge, but it's a civil matter, not a criminal one unless he breaks it. Call a women's shelter for next steps.

There are 10 posts between OP's and yours. Which ones are "vicious?"

DCUM posters do get vicious about this topic. There aren't vicious posts on this thread, at least not yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I caution you against posting these kinds of issues on DCUM. The posters here can get vicious about these kinds of situations.

Give some serious thought to leaving. Consider walking away from everyone in his family. I hope that you quickly get to the point that you see your lifestyle, relationship with him, relationship with his family, etc. are not worth more than very real damage to you and your children. Accept that it is only going to get worse, and never better. He may be nicer here and there, but that is not a real improvement, as you already know. This step is the hard one. You have to accept there is no hope and give up. It's scary and freeing. Unless someone has been there, they don't understand.

You should get a protective order ASAP. He will have to answer to the judge, but it's a civil matter, not a criminal one unless he breaks it. Call a women's shelter for next steps.

There are 10 posts between OP's and yours. Which ones are "vicious?"

DCUM posters do get vicious about this topic. There aren't vicious posts on this thread, at least not yet.

Yes, DCUM can get vicious about many things, but it's not something I've noticed with threads where the poster is clearly being abused. Of course, there may be an occasional troll that slips in a "Maybe you should give more blow-jobs" but that is the exception. Perhaps you are right PP. I'll pay more attention and see if this happens on this and other threads.