Vow renewal - but not public

[Anonymous]

Sort of a spin off of the other ongoing thread about wife wanting to renew vows. We are interested in doing something like this, but not in public if that makes sense. We went through an absolutely hellish time in our marriage and separated for almost a year (we coparented our two kids and actually were able to remain friends and we were in marriage counseling this whole time, but were separated). We pulled it together, and almost two years later, are in a much, much better place (still get counseling about every 6 weeks or so and still a work in progress).

The big wedding years where all of our friends were getting married in big clusters in our 20s ended years ago. But, this fall we went to a good friend's wedding ceremony and it kind of gutted the both of us. I think since our wedding over a decade ago, we've both matured a lot, and frankly grown up a lot, and since getting married so long ago, and have learned a lot about patience, putting someone else's needs first, and just like I said growing up and have more compassion for ourselves and others.

Anyway, we are going to take a short trip this summer just the two of us and we were thinking of doing something...not quite a vow renawal and obviously it would just be us going and no one else...but something symbolic. I realize a lot of people will roll their eyes so feel free to move on but wondering if anyone has done something like this and has any tips or advice.

[Anonymous]

I think that sounds amazing, and so apropos in your situation. It is really like a new phase in your marriage for you and your husband and deserving of a new ceremony. Perhaps you could write your own vows, or say what you mean to each other and what you promise to each other now. On a beach, or on a mountainside, or even in the bathtub of a hotel room, that would be so romantic and meaningful.

Frankly, it's very easy for a young person in their twenties to promise to love, honor and cherish when they're giddy and untraumatized and their whole life is ahead of them. It's quite a different thing to say after being married for many years, and going through the ups and downs of that, that you're still willing to be there for better or worse.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we did exactly this for the reasons you stated. It was just the two of us, while we were gone on vacation. It was quite nice. For us, we were at a beach location out of state, and I literally just googled vow renewal and found a nondenominational clergy person to meet us outside on the beach. The vows included our children. There was almost no planning, just a quick thing for us.

[Anonymous]

I think that sounds lovely, appropriate, and meaningful. Good for you. I hope you figure out something that will be a cherished memory and important moment for your whole family.

[Anonymous]

I'm hoping to have a vow renewal for my 25th wedding anniversary. We didn't do a big wedding. We went to City Hall with 6 friends and got married and then went to breakfast. That was it.

Two options that I've looked into are private vow renewals in Hawaii and vow renewals in Paris. Depending on how they're done, my reactions to them vary between "hokey" and "cool." (But that is my reaction to most weddings.)

1. There are a ton of vow renewal services in Hawaii, that range in price from $200 to $2000, but here are a couple:

http://www.hawaiianbarefootweddings.com/vow-renewal-package/

http://hawaiiwedding.com/religious-traditional-ceremony/


2. The American Church in Paris also does vow renewals:

http://www.acparis.org/welcome/weddings-a-vow-renewals/renewal-of-vows

3.

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds lovely and meaningful. Best to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it sounds lovely and meaningful. Best to you.

Absolutely. Not the same thing, but when DH lost his wedding ring our priest offered to bless the ring and re-do our vows as I "gave" him his replacement ring. It was just the two of us in the anteroom after Mass with the priest. After a number of years of marriage, with some challenges, it was a very powerful and moving experience for both of us.

[Anonymous]

You could always go to Vegas and do a vow renewal with Elvis. Not sure if other places would do this. Search "vow renewal" on google and find out.