How to handle a situation with my daughter and her boyfriend...
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My daughter who is 16 is a great kid. I am very proud of her for so many things. One thing that is causing strife lately is her boyfriend. She started dating him about a year ago. They are inseparable. He is a nice kid, very good looking a lacrosse player but he seems a little overly confident. He is older (one year) than her and his confidence and I guess comfort in his own skin unnerves me sometimes. Strange but true. They each attend different private schools (thank the Lord) but cannot seem to stay away from each other. To me, it seems like too much.
His family has a house by the shore and invited her for Labor Day. I was away on business but she asked my husband and he agreed. I was upset when I got home to learn of this and have told her i am not sure, so we are at odds and I have not given her my decision. His parents are very laid back and I am just not sure how strongly they will enforce certain things while they are there for 4 days. Please let me know how you would react? Am I overreacting? She claims I am out of touch with the way teens are today and they have been going out for a year, etc....help this mother figure this out! |
Anonymous
| If you are going to ask me if they are sleeping together, though she has never told me so, my hunch is yes. |
Anonymous
| Chances are that they are if you think they are. I am sure she will be incredibly disappointed if your husband renege on his OK for her to go. I think you need to speak to the boys parents and tell them your expectations loud and clear and if they can agree then let her go but if they waiver then tell your daughter you are not comfortable and be firm. Not easy to parent a teen and especially a daughter. I know! |
Anonymous
| Regardless of whether you allow her to go, please talk to her re birth control and STDs. Children listen to their parents a lot more than we think. |
Anonymous
| If you are not comfortable then don't let her go. I personally would but we are pretty easy going about things like that. His family will be there right? Just set rules and be sure they are aware of what you are expecting. But if you are going to be upset all weekend, just say no. Not worth the stress. |
Anonymous
|
She's growing up. Make sure she is on birth control and that she doesn't make any life long decisions based on the relationship. And be there for her when they break up (if they do) because it is going to hurt so very bad; he will always be her first love).
Labor Day is irrelevant, let her go. Otherwise you will lose her trust completely. You can't fight this situation, and there seems to be no reason to. |
Anonymous
If you say no because if your own anticipated stress, you better weigh the stress that will come from your daughter in that instance. She will not be pleased, and in my opinion, rightfully so. |
Anonymous
|
If it is the sleeping together that is bothering you (which is the only thing I can imagine) you need to have a frank conversation with his parents and ask for the sleeping arrangement and that you are not at all comfortable with them being together in a room at any point. Even if she does not agree with you she will respect your wishes I am sure.
I was 17 and had a serious bf so my parents were really easy going and let him sleep over etc....I am this way with my own kids too, for me its just healthier. I don;t want them sneaking around and this way everything is on the table. Its not wrong or right just my own way of doing things. Honesty is best. ALWAYS. |
Anonymous
| I am fairly conservative. And I have teens and college kids so I can relate to what are feeling. I would let her go. His parents will be there. And there is nothing they could do there that they couldn't find a way to do here. |
Anonymous
|
If you let her go, definitely have a conversation with his mother. Does she also have daughters? Just let her know your concerns and that you expect supervision.
We have a shore house and my 13 yr old daughter had a series of friends (all girls) come to visit this summer. Even with girls, I couldn't believe that some of the moms never even checking in with me---just let the kids make the plans. Never a check in, never a "what does she need to bring?", never a thank you. Made me question if I will let my kid go over to their houses because they are so hands off. |
Anonymous
| I would say no. If she was going with a group sure but at 16 to go away for the weekend with her boyfriend, I'd say no to that. the complicating factor here is that your husband already told her she could go. I think you need to talk to him first and the two of you decide together if you are for or against it. Once you two are on the same page then talk to her. |
Anonymous
|
I would talk with the boy's parents. I'd want to be sure THEY invited her rather than the boyfriend is going to sneak her in. I'd want the address and phone number of the place, as well as the parents cell number.
|
Anonymous
ITA. The thing I would be concerned about, since they will figure out a way to have sex somewhere if they are so inclined, is whether they will have access to alcohol. |
Anonymous
Agree. I also have kids this age. I would let her go but definitely talk to the parents not so much about rules, but to make sure she is invited, that you know the details, etc. |
Anonymous
| Talk to his parents before you decide anything. Ask about sleeping arrangements and their rules. Ask what the typical weekend looks like. Feel them out. |