Potty training consultant

[Anonymous]

OP have you tried bribes? I’m serious about putting a candy or cookie jar or whatever your kid likes literally right next to the potty. First try rewards just for sitting on it and reading a story there. Then more/bigger/better for going. Kid needs to get the message there is absolutely no option to go back to diapers. I DO understand how epic and horrible the tantrums will be. You’ll need ear plugs and trade off with spouse to get through it. But you can do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some more details:

We try to be very positive and approach it in a low-stress way but DC seems stressed out at this point nonetheless. DC refuses to try the method where you walk around pants-free (will freak out and keep demanding pants) and also says the potty "is scary"

We have a new baby as well, and DC's stress seems partially related to some understandable jealousy. For example, DC has said, "I don't want to be big, I want to be little like [the baby's name]. I don't want big kid underpants, I want diapers like [the baby's name]." So that's playing a role, but I'm not sure how big a factor it is.

Stressed and a new baby is only adding undue pressure and fear for her, you'll find it's a long time until September. You'll not get anywhere trying at the moment so pause for a couple of months. Is preschool definitely a no for diapers or pull ups anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some more details:

We try to be very positive and approach it in a low-stress way but DC seems stressed out at this point nonetheless. DC refuses to try the method where you walk around pants-free (will freak out and keep demanding pants) and also says the potty "is scary"

We have a new baby as well, and DC's stress seems partially related to some understandable jealousy. For example, DC has said, "I don't want to be big, I want to be little like [the baby's name]. I don't want big kid underpants, I want diapers like [the baby's name]." So that's playing a role, but I'm not sure how big a factor it is.

If DC wants to be a baby then take away a treasured "big kid" privilege. I'm sorry, but psych blocks to potty training require a psych response.

Try a standing catch for pee and/or peeing in the shower. Ikea has a potty that has a removable green thingie. If you have a yard, go outdoors!

Demystify the toilet by letting them watch you go, especially public toilets with the noisy flush.

Start with bribes to sit on the potty fully clothed, then move to the toilet, then bribe them for flushing the toilet. Let them flush your poo.

Check out a stack of potty training books from the library. My favorites are Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi and Once Upon a Potty by Alona Frankel

That first part is mean, do not punish your child by taking something away. Just don’t refer to it anything as something big kids do anymore since that is not motivating for your DC. Instead when you get push back tell them that you know they can do it, they can do hard things!

The rest is good advice, you can reduce the anxiety over time by talking about going potty a lot. You should also consider letting them choose which small potty they like best - it’s not uncommon for kids to be frightened of a regular toilet with a potty insert.

Also, if you are able, if your child gets one on one time with you in the bathroom that might be motivating given the new sibling.

It's not mean, it's a natural consequence. They are baby or a big kid, they don't get it both ways.

The child is 3, she does not have the expressive language skills to say "This is very scary and stressful for me. I am jealous that the baby, who has also taken so much of my parents' attention away from me, is not being forced to do this." That is what she means when she says she wants to be a baby. Taking away a big kid privilege (I'm struggling to figure out what that would even be - my three year old does not get to do anything appealing that my one year old also can't do) is not a natural consequence to being afraid or unable to use the potty. The only "natural" consequence for that is accidents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some more details:

We try to be very positive and approach it in a low-stress way but DC seems stressed out at this point nonetheless. DC refuses to try the method where you walk around pants-free (will freak out and keep demanding pants) and also says the potty "is scary"

We have a new baby as well, and DC's stress seems partially related to some understandable jealousy. For example, DC has said, "I don't want to be big, I want to be little like [the baby's name]. I don't want big kid underpants, I want diapers like [the baby's name]." So that's playing a role, but I'm not sure how big a factor it is.

If DC wants to be a baby then take away a treasured "big kid" privilege. I'm sorry, but psych blocks to potty training require a psych response.

Try a standing catch for pee and/or peeing in the shower. Ikea has a potty that has a removable green thingie. If you have a yard, go outdoors!

Demystify the toilet by letting them watch you go, especially public toilets with the noisy flush.

Start with bribes to sit on the potty fully clothed, then move to the toilet, then bribe them for flushing the toilet. Let them flush your poo.

Check out a stack of potty training books from the library. My favorites are Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi and Once Upon a Potty by Alona Frankel

That first part is mean, do not punish your child by taking something away. Just don’t refer to it anything as something big kids do anymore since that is not motivating for your DC. Instead when you get push back tell them that you know they can do it, they can do hard things!

The rest is good advice, you can reduce the anxiety over time by talking about going potty a lot. You should also consider letting them choose which small potty they like best - it’s not uncommon for kids to be frightened of a regular toilet with a potty insert.

Also, if you are able, if your child gets one on one time with you in the bathroom that might be motivating given the new sibling.

It's not mean, it's a natural consequence. They are baby or a big kid, they don't get it both ways.

The child is 3, she does not have the expressive language skills to say "This is very scary and stressful for me. I am jealous that the baby, who has also taken so much of my parents' attention away from me, is not being forced to do this." That is what she means when she says she wants to be a baby. Taking away a big kid privilege (I'm struggling to figure out what that would even be - my three year old does not get to do anything appealing that my one year old also can't do) is not a natural consequence to being afraid or unable to use the potty. The only "natural" consequence for that is accidents.

Balance bike
Sweets
Screen time
Sit at table and not in high chair (my friend used this when her preschooler wanted to be the baby and kept having accidents, she had 2 kids younger than the "baby")

I don't know OP's kid, but she does

I have three kids and none of them were scared of potty training. If they have big negative feels, they picked those up from mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some more details:

We try to be very positive and approach it in a low-stress way but DC seems stressed out at this point nonetheless. DC refuses to try the method where you walk around pants-free (will freak out and keep demanding pants) and also says the potty "is scary"

We have a new baby as well, and DC's stress seems partially related to some understandable jealousy. For example, DC has said, "I don't want to be big, I want to be little like [the baby's name]. I don't want big kid underpants, I want diapers like [the baby's name]." So that's playing a role, but I'm not sure how big a factor it is.

If DC wants to be a baby then take away a treasured "big kid" privilege. I'm sorry, but psych blocks to potty training require a psych response.

Try a standing catch for pee and/or peeing in the shower. Ikea has a potty that has a removable green thingie. If you have a yard, go outdoors!

Demystify the toilet by letting them watch you go, especially public toilets with the noisy flush.

Start with bribes to sit on the potty fully clothed, then move to the toilet, then bribe them for flushing the toilet. Let them flush your poo.

Check out a stack of potty training books from the library. My favorites are Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi and Once Upon a Potty by Alona Frankel

That first part is mean, do not punish your child by taking something away. Just don’t refer to it anything as something big kids do anymore since that is not motivating for your DC. Instead when you get push back tell them that you know they can do it, they can do hard things!

The rest is good advice, you can reduce the anxiety over time by talking about going potty a lot. You should also consider letting them choose which small potty they like best - it’s not uncommon for kids to be frightened of a regular toilet with a potty insert.

Also, if you are able, if your child gets one on one time with you in the bathroom that might be motivating given the new sibling.

It's not mean, it's a natural consequence. They are baby or a big kid, they don't get it both ways.

The child is 3, she does not have the expressive language skills to say "This is very scary and stressful for me. I am jealous that the baby, who has also taken so much of my parents' attention away from me, is not being forced to do this." That is what she means when she says she wants to be a baby. Taking away a big kid privilege (I'm struggling to figure out what that would even be - my three year old does not get to do anything appealing that my one year old also can't do) is not a natural consequence to being afraid or unable to use the potty. The only "natural" consequence for that is accidents.

Balance bike
Sweets
Screen time
Sit at table and not in high chair (my friend used this when her preschooler wanted to be the baby and kept having accidents, she had 2 kids younger than the "baby")

I don't know OP's kid, but she does

I have three kids and none of them were scared of potty training. If they have big negative feels, they picked those up from mom

You sound more like you’ve had NO kids. Not everything is mom’s fault. Kids are their own people. They absolutely do become afraid of things for their own innate personality reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some more details:

We try to be very positive and approach it in a low-stress way but DC seems stressed out at this point nonetheless. DC refuses to try the method where you walk around pants-free (will freak out and keep demanding pants) and also says the potty "is scary"

We have a new baby as well, and DC's stress seems partially related to some understandable jealousy. For example, DC has said, "I don't want to be big, I want to be little like [the baby's name]. I don't want big kid underpants, I want diapers like [the baby's name]." So that's playing a role, but I'm not sure how big a factor it is.

If DC wants to be a baby then take away a treasured "big kid" privilege. I'm sorry, but psych blocks to potty training require a psych response.

Try a standing catch for pee and/or peeing in the shower. Ikea has a potty that has a removable green thingie. If you have a yard, go outdoors!

Demystify the toilet by letting them watch you go, especially public toilets with the noisy flush.

Start with bribes to sit on the potty fully clothed, then move to the toilet, then bribe them for flushing the toilet. Let them flush your poo.

Check out a stack of potty training books from the library. My favorites are Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi and Once Upon a Potty by Alona Frankel

That first part is mean, do not punish your child by taking something away. Just don’t refer to it anything as something big kids do anymore since that is not motivating for your DC. Instead when you get push back tell them that you know they can do it, they can do hard things!

The rest is good advice, you can reduce the anxiety over time by talking about going potty a lot. You should also consider letting them choose which small potty they like best - it’s not uncommon for kids to be frightened of a regular toilet with a potty insert.

Also, if you are able, if your child gets one on one time with you in the bathroom that might be motivating given the new sibling.

It's not mean, it's a natural consequence. They are baby or a big kid, they don't get it both ways.

The child is 3, she does not have the expressive language skills to say "This is very scary and stressful for me. I am jealous that the baby, who has also taken so much of my parents' attention away from me, is not being forced to do this." That is what she means when she says she wants to be a baby. Taking away a big kid privilege (I'm struggling to figure out what that would even be - my three year old does not get to do anything appealing that my one year old also can't do) is not a natural consequence to being afraid or unable to use the potty. The only "natural" consequence for that is accidents.

Balance bike
Sweets
Screen time
Sit at table and not in high chair (my friend used this when her preschooler wanted to be the baby and kept having accidents, she had 2 kids younger than the "baby")

I don't know OP's kid, but she does

I have three kids and none of them were scared of potty training. If they have big negative feels, they picked those up from mom

Definitely don’t do any of this. It doesn’t even make sense.

Let your child pick the potty to use and don’t put it in the bathroom at first if that’s scary for her. A full size toilet frightens many kids. I also agree with the poster who said to take a break for a while and revisit in a month or so.

During the break you can still make progress on the first step of potty training - recognizing the urge to pee. Before potty training toddlers don’t have to pay attention to that. So if she starts to pee when you put her in the bath, for example, just calmly point it out to her “oh you’re peeing.” And when you need to pee model it out loud - “I’m feeling the urge to pee I’m going to go use the potty.” Invite her to come with you if you want and offer to let her flush the toilet. Read the books too - Lovevery makes two great ones with real photographs. Talking about it nonstop can reduce anxiety.

After the break you can commit to getting rid of the diapers and actually going on the potty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some more details:

We try to be very positive and approach it in a low-stress way but DC seems stressed out at this point nonetheless. DC refuses to try the method where you walk around pants-free (will freak out and keep demanding pants) and also says the potty "is scary"

We have a new baby as well, and DC's stress seems partially related to some understandable jealousy. For example, DC has said, "I don't want to be big, I want to be little like [the baby's name]. I don't want big kid underpants, I want diapers like [the baby's name]." So that's playing a role, but I'm not sure how big a factor it is.

If DC wants to be a baby then take away a treasured "big kid" privilege. I'm sorry, but psych blocks to potty training require a psych response.

Try a standing catch for pee and/or peeing in the shower. Ikea has a potty that has a removable green thingie. If you have a yard, go outdoors!

Demystify the toilet by letting them watch you go, especially public toilets with the noisy flush.

Start with bribes to sit on the potty fully clothed, then move to the toilet, then bribe them for flushing the toilet. Let them flush your poo.

Check out a stack of potty training books from the library. My favorites are Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi and Once Upon a Potty by Alona Frankel

That first part is mean, do not punish your child by taking something away. Just don’t refer to it anything as something big kids do anymore since that is not motivating for your DC. Instead when you get push back tell them that you know they can do it, they can do hard things!

The rest is good advice, you can reduce the anxiety over time by talking about going potty a lot. You should also consider letting them choose which small potty they like best - it’s not uncommon for kids to be frightened of a regular toilet with a potty insert.

Also, if you are able, if your child gets one on one time with you in the bathroom that might be motivating given the new sibling.

It's not mean, it's a natural consequence. They are baby or a big kid, they don't get it both ways.

The child is 3, she does not have the expressive language skills to say "This is very scary and stressful for me. I am jealous that the baby, who has also taken so much of my parents' attention away from me, is not being forced to do this." That is what she means when she says she wants to be a baby. Taking away a big kid privilege (I'm struggling to figure out what that would even be - my three year old does not get to do anything appealing that my one year old also can't do) is not a natural consequence to being afraid or unable to use the potty. The only "natural" consequence for that is accidents.

Balance bike
Sweets
Screen time
Sit at table and not in high chair (my friend used this when her preschooler wanted to be the baby and kept having accidents, she had 2 kids younger than the "baby")

I don't know OP's kid, but she does

I have three kids and none of them were scared of potty training. If they have big negative feels, they picked those up from mom

LOVE the mom of three who thinks that sample size makes her an expert on parenting and all children everywhere.

[Anonymous]

The only potty training of my own child so far was my three year old with a new baby. The Oh Crap book worked for us, but it was a lot of work up front. My understanding of that method is that it's supposed to be hard for the adult initially and the best time for the child because they're getting 100% adult attention while training. I would not have been able to do it alone with a newborn as my responsibility as well. I'm surprised no one has been able to recommend some local help since that was your initial question, but if you don't have a second adult in the mix, that's pretty essential to the intensive approach if there's a baby in the mix. Cheering for you!

[Anonymous]

To answer your original question, yes we used a consultant. If you have the money and you are desperate it might help. There were some suggestions provided we hadn’t tried. We found that when we tried the suggested things and didn’t have long term success, they ran out of options. However, it probably will work for many people.

[Anonymous]

One more idea for you—we used Oh Crap and went fully naked with one enhancement. We gave DS unlimited access to juice and even pushed it a little. The result was that he had to pee a lot more than usual, and that gave him more opportunities to need to pee. It seemed to really help.

We did the same thing with prunes a few months later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some more details:

We try to be very positive and approach it in a low-stress way but DC seems stressed out at this point nonetheless. DC refuses to try the method where you walk around pants-free (will freak out and keep demanding pants) and also says the potty "is scary"

We have a new baby as well, and DC's stress seems partially related to some understandable jealousy. For example, DC has said, "I don't want to be big, I want to be little like [the baby's name]. I don't want big kid underpants, I want diapers like [the baby's name]." So that's playing a role, but I'm not sure how big a factor it is.

If DC wants to be a baby then take away a treasured "big kid" privilege. I'm sorry, but psych blocks to potty training require a psych response.

Try a standing catch for pee and/or peeing in the shower. Ikea has a potty that has a removable green thingie. If you have a yard, go outdoors!

Demystify the toilet by letting them watch you go, especially public toilets with the noisy flush.

Start with bribes to sit on the potty fully clothed, then move to the toilet, then bribe them for flushing the toilet. Let them flush your poo.

Check out a stack of potty training books from the library. My favorites are Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi and Once Upon a Potty by Alona Frankel

That first part is mean, do not punish your child by taking something away. Just don’t refer to it anything as something big kids do anymore since that is not motivating for your DC. Instead when you get push back tell them that you know they can do it, they can do hard things!

The rest is good advice, you can reduce the anxiety over time by talking about going potty a lot. You should also consider letting them choose which small potty they like best - it’s not uncommon for kids to be frightened of a regular toilet with a potty insert.

Also, if you are able, if your child gets one on one time with you in the bathroom that might be motivating given the new sibling.

It's not mean, it's a natural consequence. They are baby or a big kid, they don't get it both ways.

The child is 3, she does not have the expressive language skills to say "This is very scary and stressful for me. I am jealous that the baby, who has also taken so much of my parents' attention away from me, is not being forced to do this." That is what she means when she says she wants to be a baby. Taking away a big kid privilege (I'm struggling to figure out what that would even be - my three year old does not get to do anything appealing that my one year old also can't do) is not a natural consequence to being afraid or unable to use the potty. The only "natural" consequence for that is accidents.

Balance bike
Sweets
Screen time
Sit at table and not in high chair (my friend used this when her preschooler wanted to be the baby and kept having accidents, she had 2 kids younger than the "baby")

I don't know OP's kid, but she does

I have three kids and none of them were scared of potty training. If they have big negative feels, they picked those up from mom

LOVE the mom of three who thinks that sample size makes her an expert on parenting and all children everywhere.

Well, I can say I'm not on DCUM asking for tips to potty train my 3 year old

[Anonymous]

Annika Brindley at Little Sleepers has a new potty training course. We're fairly devoted to her thanks to her sleep consulting and plan to use her for potty training as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some more details:

We try to be very positive and approach it in a low-stress way but DC seems stressed out at this point nonetheless. DC refuses to try the method where you walk around pants-free (will freak out and keep demanding pants) and also says the potty "is scary"

We have a new baby as well, and DC's stress seems partially related to some understandable jealousy. For example, DC has said, "I don't want to be big, I want to be little like [the baby's name]. I don't want big kid underpants, I want diapers like [the baby's name]." So that's playing a role, but I'm not sure how big a factor it is.

If DC wants to be a baby then take away a treasured "big kid" privilege. I'm sorry, but psych blocks to potty training require a psych response.

Try a standing catch for pee and/or peeing in the shower. Ikea has a potty that has a removable green thingie. If you have a yard, go outdoors!

Demystify the toilet by letting them watch you go, especially public toilets with the noisy flush.

Start with bribes to sit on the potty fully clothed, then move to the toilet, then bribe them for flushing the toilet. Let them flush your poo.

Check out a stack of potty training books from the library. My favorites are Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi and Once Upon a Potty by Alona Frankel

That first part is mean, do not punish your child by taking something away. Just don’t refer to it anything as something big kids do anymore since that is not motivating for your DC. Instead when you get push back tell them that you know they can do it, they can do hard things!

The rest is good advice, you can reduce the anxiety over time by talking about going potty a lot. You should also consider letting them choose which small potty they like best - it’s not uncommon for kids to be frightened of a regular toilet with a potty insert.

Also, if you are able, if your child gets one on one time with you in the bathroom that might be motivating given the new sibling.

It's not mean, it's a natural consequence. They are baby or a big kid, they don't get it both ways.

The child is 3, she does not have the expressive language skills to say "This is very scary and stressful for me. I am jealous that the baby, who has also taken so much of my parents' attention away from me, is not being forced to do this." That is what she means when she says she wants to be a baby. Taking away a big kid privilege (I'm struggling to figure out what that would even be - my three year old does not get to do anything appealing that my one year old also can't do) is not a natural consequence to being afraid or unable to use the potty. The only "natural" consequence for that is accidents.

Balance bike
Sweets
Screen time
Sit at table and not in high chair (my friend used this when her preschooler wanted to be the baby and kept having accidents, she had 2 kids younger than the "baby")

I don't know OP's kid, but she does

I have three kids and none of them were scared of potty training. If they have big negative feels, they picked those up from mom

LOVE the mom of three who thinks that sample size makes her an expert on parenting and all children everywhere.

Well, I can say I'm not on DCUM asking for tips to potty train my 3 year old

Yes, and we can tell you came to let everyone know that.

[Anonymous]

If they still need diapers, switch to cloth, not disposable. Much less comfortable when wet or soiled.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why people are debating. OP didn’t ask if it was a good idea or not. She asked how to do it. OP, I found it easier to have the little kid potty next to the regular potty. I found it to fit the child more comfortable; sit up straight with feet not dangling. It was also less scary if the kid did not like the sound of the flush. Yep, kids think their sh!t and their butt will flush down the toilet. Anyways, I would sit on the potty and she would sit on hers. We experienced it together. It helped. It was our “me” time. When I knew she had to poop, it was iPad time on the toilet. I think it was less distracting and she was comfortable.