Would you feel slighted by this (MIL/SIL)

[Anonymous]

I'd be hurt by this, too, OP. It sounds like they handled it very poorly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait. I totally get OP and think it is beyond rude to not ask her to join them. If I was OP I would have said no, absolutely no way does that sound fun and would have loved to get some time alone, but I am introvert and hate hosting people at my home.

Well, then you're wrong too.

[Anonymous]

It's her daughter. She's been with you all week- likely trying to get out of your hair finally. She wants mother/daughter time. They tried to be polite when they sensed you were off so likely they learned to sneak around on you and will hide it from you next time.

[Anonymous]

Op, even as an adult your mother in law still wants to spend time solo with her baby. Shekels also wants to spend solo time with her son.

You could have taken advantage of her visit and left her with your baby to get your nails done, shopping, go to the gym or taken in a movie solo or with your friends. I nursed for a long time and would just take my pump every where with me.

I dont think your mother in law or sister inlaw were rude. You also should consider your post partum emotions. I had wild mood swings after giving birth which are normal but I recognized it wasn't healthy or productive to take it out on family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, even as an adult your mother in law still wants to spend time solo with her baby. She likely also wants to spend solo time with her son.

You could have taken advantage of her visit and left her with your baby to get your nails done, shopping, go to the gym or taken in a movie solo or with your friends. I nursed for a long time and would just take my pump every where with me.

I dont think your mother in law or sister inlaw were rude. You also should consider your post partum emotions. I had wild mood swings after giving birth which are normal but I recognized it wasn't healthy or productive to take it out on family.

Corrected

[Anonymous]

My feelings would probably be hurt too because I’d be postpartum and have LOTS of feelings! They probably just wanted to spend some time together.

Like Mr Rogers said:
“There's no 'should' or 'should not' when it comes to having feelings. They're part of who we are and their origins are beyond our control."

[Anonymous]

Wow, you want to spend time with your MIL and SIL?

[Anonymous]

1) they are not your friends - they are “forced family”
2) nobody likes to deal with babies in public spaces
3) maybe you shouldn’t maximize your time in a large group but let MIL be alone with her kids a little more?

[Anonymous]

I've had this happen many times but it was with other DILs. They just assume since I'm not girly I wouldn't want to go on their girls' outings for shopping, tea, brunch. They're right some of the time, but it feels hurtful when we're all visiting together for a holiday and they make a big to do about girls time and never include me.

I might feel less offended if the birth daughter was the only one doing the things with MIL, like your scenario, but it could still sting.

[Anonymous]

That’s a pretty rude way for them to behave since the basic good manners is “don’t talk about events with people who aren’t invited”.

I would let it go, and with it let go of any pressure I put on myself to make sure my MIL felt “equal”. That’s clearly not her perception of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

OP it’s always possible your SIL is going through something she wanted to discuss privately with her mom, or there could have been some other reason they just needed some private time together. I would have been hurt too but try to move on.

[Anonymous]

I agree, let it go. Not everything needs to happen in a group. People can enjoy one on one time together, especially with their own children.

[Anonymous]

I remember being hurt by my mil and sil who I was both hosting when I had one of my kids. They treated my house like a bed and breakfast so they could have fun together. I vividly remember them going to the mall one day when my husband was at work, and my MIL looked at me on the way out and was like “I wish you could come!”

Like, I could come if y’all would invite me and help me a bit with the baby!

My head still explodes thinking of them.

[Anonymous]

How exactly are they supposed to talk about you if you are right there?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not - I would be relieved that my MIL/SIL didn't expect me to go with them, but then I am a major introvert.

If you wanted to go but weren't invited, I still don't think you should feel slighted. It is completely understandable for MIL to want to spend 1:1 time with her daughter, and it sounds like typically she would get that by staying with her but didn't this time so had to make a plan to do so.