Considering keeping back my 2nd grader

[Anonymous]

We are most likely going to be moving my 2nd grader to a new school next year and have him repeat 2nd grade. He is at least one grade behind in reading and behind in math and writing as well. He has made huge strides compared to where he was at this time last year, but it's not enough. One of the problems we think we have identified, his school is non-traditional and we think the style of teaching is not best suited for him.

I dont want to keep him where he is because it's just not working for him. But I dont want to send him off to a new school as a 3rd grader behind and not even reading on a 2nd grade level. I know there is still time but we (myself, my husband and his current school) do not feel he will be at grade level by the end of this school year.

I think repeating 2nd grade in a more traditional classroom environment will be wonderful for him so I am totally for it. But on the other hand I cant help but thing about the age thing. He is 7, will be 8 next month. So if he repeats 2nd grade then he will be 9/10 as a 3rd grader, 10/11 as a 4th grader, 11/12 as a 5th grader, 12/13 as a 6th grader, etc.

My current 13 year old (just turned last month) is in 7th grade. A lot of his friends that are 13 are in 8th grade. So, my younger son will be 2 years younger than most kids in his grade. Am I thinking this through right?

Would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation with regards to having an elementary aged kid repeat a grade.

[Anonymous]

Public or private? Which state/ county?

[Anonymous]

I say put him in 3rd grade at the new school. With a new school, and new way of teaching, he may, "catch up." If he doesn't then let him repeat 3rd grade.

[Anonymous]

I would say 3rd grade as well. My 11 yr old is in 6th grade and I think a 2 yr difference is a lot. If the issue is the teaching style and not a learning disability then it is likely that once he learns it, he will catch up. If he catches up halfway through next year then he will then be behind his peers for the rest of his academic years rather than just having six months where he is playing catch up.

I wouldn't hold back until you have done a year in the new school. And if at that point he is still way behind, I would look into learning disabilities.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Public schools, both of them, in DCPS.

[Anonymous]

I would strongly recommend against doing it. That 2 years difference is huge. Sixth grade is not designed for 13 year olds. Socially, emotionally and physically, he will likely stand out.

Get him tutoring now with a solid reading specialist. Continue over the summer. Make this a family effort--read, read, read.

If there is a specific learning disability that is really at the root of these issues, then the last thing you want is for your child to be in special Ed AND older than the rest of the class. I wouldn't be so quick to determine that the school's teaching style is at the cause for him being behind.

Good luck to you.

--Principal in FCPS

[Anonymous]

Why are people saying there will be a 2 year difference? The child apparently has a March birthday. That means he is young for his grade... spring birthday, right? LOTS of parents with boys born in June, July and AUsgust consider red shorting their kids and many of them do it. There may well be kids just about his age or only a few months younger if you hold him back.

[Anonymous]

I take that back -- March would mean he is right smack in the middle of his grade. EVen so if you hold him back a a year, he'd be a half year older to a year and a half older than his classmates -- NOT two years. And he'd be a few months older than redshirted kids.

Still, OP, I think you should hire a good reading tutor.

[Anonymous]

It's not that big of a deal for your son to be older if he is successful when otherwise wouldn't be. My son was extremely delayed and I held him back a year before starting kindergarten. It's fine. And, I just read about an 18 year old high school freshman in today's newspaper. Considering the high dropout rate in DCPS, you want to make school a successful experience for your son.

I have no opinion about whether you should hold him back, but if you do, I would think that at the time he changes schools would be easiest on him. It's got to be tough on kids to watch their friends get promoted when they don't.

One other thing. If you go the tutoring route, it's not cheap. I spent over $15k for a year of intense tutoring for my oldest. It worked so I don't regret it. But it was a sacrifice of both time and money.

[Anonymous]

We repeated K so my kid is 8 this year in 2nd and will be 9 in the spring. He struggles with dyslexia and is not reading at grade level. I can't imagine the hell being in 3rd would be. The demands between 2nd and 3rd in most traditional schools are steep and the work load that much more greater.

I would say get him tested (neuropsych eval) and see if he has a learning disability. I would definitely repeat 2 even if you have tutoring over the summer and/or tutoring during the school year. It would be worse to have everything fall apart and him put in the second grade b/c he couldn't cut it in 3rd.

Also, he won't stand out that much being on the older side--at least half of my kid's class is his age. It's much more common now for families to delay kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Anonymous wrote:I have no opinion about whether you should hold him back, but if you do, I would think that at the time he changes schools would be easiest on him. It's got to be tough on kids to watch their friends get promoted when they don't.

Yes, this is certainly something we have thought about and why we are considering doing it when he moves to the new school.

Anonymous wrote: I can't imagine the hell being in 3rd would be. The demands between 2nd and 3rd in most traditional schools are steep and the work load that much more greater.

This is one of our big concerns.

The other thing I'm considering if seeing if I can move him now, as a 2nd grader to the new school. He would have a whole half year there in 2nd grade, plus they offer extra reading support.

Thanks for all the replies, we are still figuring out what we want to do, hearing others perspectives helps!

[Anonymous]

I agree with the principal who said get him some tutoring and read a lot with him over the next 6 mos. That takes effort on your part. Having him repeat a grade seems like the "least effort on the parentss part" way of doing things.

What's the harm of giving a 100% effort of tuturing and parental help for the next 6 mos? If you don't see progress, you could still hold him back (although if you are talking about two public schools, I think you are mistaken in thinking that YOU have the choice -- the public does not want to pay for your child to have an extra year of free school -- so, you may find that this is not your decision, but the school administration's decision. I say this knowing people who wanted to hold their child back and they were told it's not the parents' decision, it's a committee decision.).

The potential upside to putting in an extra push now through the summer is that your child might not have to live with knowing he had to repeat a grade. Your child might get to stay on grade level. There is value in that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the principal who said get him some tutoring and read a lot with him over the next 6 mos. That takes effort on your part. Having him repeat a grade seems like the "least effort on the parentss part" way of doing things.

OP here, actually we have been doing an exhausting amount of work with him at home. The problem is that what needs to happen at school is not. It's to the point that our evenings (after school and work) are spent focusing on him, doing lessons with him, reading, writing, math, learning to tell time, etc. He hates it, there are tears and it's just becoming counter productive. He needs to be in a school where he will get lots of repetition and that is just not going to happen where he is. What we are doing at home is not cutting it, believe me we are not trying to take the easy way out. What we are doing now is not working so we are trying to figure out what will. Trust me, I would prefer not to hold him back. Honestly, what I would like to see happen is he transfer now to the new school at his current grade level and we hire a good tutor for the summer. We are talking to the administration at both schools to figure out the best solution here. If we do end up moving him over now I will hire a tutor for the summer. We all (my son, my husband and myself) all need a break from each other with regards to tutoring him.

And several people mentioned having him tested. There are some steps that need to happen before a child is tested and we actually are in that process right now. The feedback so far has been that he has shown huge growth from where he was last year so they do not feel there are learning challenges. He is a different type of learner and his current school just isn't set up to meet his needs, they expect him to thrive in a traditional classroom setting where there is a lot more structure, homework, and daily/repetition of work.

[Anonymous]

I got this from a pediatric psychiatrist when we went through the same issue with a kindergartener. She said: repeating a grade is an absolute last resort. The stigma is huge, and it stays with a child for his whole academic career, having effects on personality and performance throughout. If he's done even ONE year of school, you must do everything you can to keep him moving forward on schedule. It's not just a matter of his classmates-- though that is a big deal. It's how he views himself on a sub-conscious level.

My take is, if you must hold him back, do it now, when he won't be in a class with the "babies" he knew from last year. But know that it will create problems that did not exist previously. Whether those problems will be an acceptable trade-off for the ones that might be solved... ah, for a crystal ball. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Can you homeschool for a year and then decide? Seems to help a lot of children like yours to do this.