food fights with teenage boys

[Anonymous]

I have posted about this before but I am just so frustrated I am trying again. Would appreciate any advice. My teenaged sons have the worst eating habits on the planet. They almost never eat breakfast, even when I offer something like sweet rolls. A healthy breakfast is out of the question. They are happy to go to school with no breakfast, and when I go to the trouble of making eggs or oatmeal or french toast, they refuse to eat it. One supposedly gets the school lunch, not sure what he eats. The other has decided he is a vegetarian, so he refuses to eat the school lunch and refuses to take anything from home because he "does not have time" to eat it. Not even a snack such as a granola bar. They get out of school and want ice cream or cookies or cake and sugary drinks, which I break down and buy them more than I'd like to admit because I can't stand to see them starving themselves. They eat very little of the dinners I make (which are usually vegetarian because of the one son and because that is my preference) but will snarf pizza if I buy that. I know people will say they will eat well if that's the only option. But they just won't. They'd rather go hungry. They will not touch fruit, sandwiches, nuts. I end up throwing away most of what I buy/make, and I barely cook anymore because I can't stand to spend the time and have it wasted. DH travels a lot, so it's usually just me and the boys. My kids go to a tough school and already feel a lot of pressure; we don't need conflict, and banning junk food would lead to WWIII. I'm tired of fighting about food. Suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They get out of school and want ice cream or cookies or cake and sugary drinks, which I break down and buy them more than I'd like to admit because I can't stand to see them starving themselves. They eat very little of the dinners I make (which are usually vegetarian because of the one son and because that is my preference) but will snarf pizza if I buy that.

Do not break down and buy the crap. Do not buy pizza. IMO, they will never ever change their eating habits if you constantly give in and provide the junk food they want.

If it were me, I'd let them go hungry. Ive had to take this approach with my 7 year old. Trust me, they are not going to starve to death, they will eventually eat something eventually. Being that they are teens you have the advantage of being able to have a reasonable conversation with them about their health and nutrition. Take them to a nutritionist if need be. Let them help you pick out healthy food that they like and will eat. Get them involved in preparing meals.

It wont be easy but you really have to put your foot down. Ive started doing this already with my 7 year old because I know it will be much harder to do when he is a teenager. You have already set a precedent where they know you will give in, but it's not too late.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Keep the house filled with healthy alternatives and do not buy or break down and provide junk, pizza, ice cream, etc. But, realize that healthy alternatives include bread (you can get whole wheat, even white whole wheat bread), meats, cheeses, something like egg salad or chicken salad that they can make an after school snack from if they want. Keep fruit and snackable veggies (crudites with French Onion Dip will work). If you don't cave, they will eat something...even if it isn't the first day. But right now, they hold out because they know you will cave by mid-afternoon and they'll binge on junk.

[Anonymous]

Our teenage son did this ... and we all ended up in family counseling. It wasn't so much as a food issue but a control issue. It turned out that just a few times of talking through this and a few other issues with a counselor made a world a difference. My DH travels all of the time too -- that was part of the problem as well and very hard on teenage boys.

This might not be a solution for you at all -- but I thought I would put it out there since it happened to us.

P.S. We never did buy junk food -- but I stock the freezer with trader joes. Mostly though they eat dinner with me now.

[Anonymous]

What about easing into things with healthy alternatives? They can make their own pizza at home, for example.

But really, you need to stop buying the crap.

[Anonymous]

It is totally a control issue. If they are hungry enough, they will eat. No kid ever voluntarily starved himself to death (anorexics excluded). I have a large family and one particularly picky eater. I always have fruit available. If dinner is not to his liking, he is welcome to eat a banana or an apple, but no dessert.

Do they play sports? If so, then ask the coach to encourage them on healthy eating, as that will make more of an impact than you.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't harp on breakfast. I can't eat early in the morning. That started when I was a teenager and it never changed.

I wouldn't buy junk food for other meals though either.

[Anonymous]

This is helpful and thank you for not flaming me for buying junk food. I had never thought about it being a "control" issue. They do not act out in other ways, so perhaps this is a way of asserting their independence. They do also say eating junk food is a way of "relieving stress" from school, which is sad. They feel so much pressure to be perfect in every area at school that I think it is one area where they feel they can rebel and just do what they think feels good (even though I would think it would make them feel terrible).

I have talked to them until I am blue in the face about nutrition, but they say they are old enough to make their own decisions, and they've weighed the pros and cons and decided they'd rather eat stuff they like than be healthy. They are not fat now but they surely will be. Sadly they only play a spring sport and I can't get them to exercise the rest of the year (that's another battle I'm losing), so the incentive to be fit for competitive reasons is not there.

Would love to hear more ideas of reasonably healthy things you can keep around for big teenage boys. Especially things that take virtually no prep time and/or can be thrown in the car so that I can give them something directly after school. Unfoctunately, sandwiches and fruit have always been available to them and they turn up their noses.

Thanks, all.

[Anonymous]

OP, my son is a perfectionist and now in college. He was really into cooking, and that was how he relieved stress (yay for me!). I'd ask your sons, at a time when they're not rushing, what healthy foods they're willing to eat or would like to try, and to brainstorm a list of healthy things they can do that will relieve stress (playing basketball in the driveway, taking a shower, talking to a friend, punching bag, playing a musical instrument, etc.).

[Anonymous]

What else will they eat besides pizza for dinner?

Do they take a multivitamin/mineral supplement? I would check to be sure they are getting enough zinc and iron.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have many of the same issues with my teenage son, and am trying to work on it incrementally by making small healthy changes. He is now drinking more water, and less juice. We rarely have sodas in the house, so not an issue. He loves popcorn for a snack--not a fruit or veggie but tons of fiber and filling. He will eat low fat flavored yogurts for calcium since he doesn't like milk. He loves cheese and crackers for a snack as well.

I agree there are elements of control in this issue, and baby steps are what is working for us so far.

[Anonymous]

PP here, for breakfast he will sometimes have hot chocolate made with low fat milk. Not the best I know, but at least I feel he's getting a small amount of protein and calcium to start the day.

[Anonymous]

You can't control what they eat but you can control what is available to them in your house. I would buy lots of healthy snacks. You can buy a limited amount of junk for reach week and when it is gone it is gone.

I wonder too if this is about more than the eating. Do they have lots of choice / say in other areas of their lives? Why are they under so much pressure? Maybe dad being away so much is part of it.

I didn't eat breakfast for years as a teen. I was not a morning person, felt sick in the mornings and never ate until lunch. sometimes I skipped lunch too and ate after school. Ideal no - did it kill me - no. I wouldn't force the breakfast thing. Maybe back off pushing nutrition and trying to get them to eat. They might eat better if they think you don't care as much...but still as I said you control what is in the house - they control what they eat.

[Anonymous]

Will they drink Boost/Ensure/Muscle Milk or anything like that? Carnation Instant Breakfast? Smoothies? Mine do, so I make smoothies with those ingredients, or just with fruit and yogurt and whatnot. Not the greatest, but better than nothing or some of the alternatives.

I also talk them into helping me pick out recipes from Bon Appetit/Gourmet/Cooking Light (or whatever you like) for dinners or snacks, and sometimes into helping. They are more likely to eat what they choose.

We don't keep ANY junk food or sodas in the house. We do have fruit juices or milk to drink. (If you read some of the threads here, it might as well be cyanide though...!)

I make everything seem as snack-like as possible-- cut up veggies and hummus or pita chips, that sort of thing. DOesn't always work. Laying off of them worked, too. (that was hard). Oh, and no more deliver or store bought pizza. If you make it, it's reasonably nutritious--whole wheat crust, make your own marinara, lots of veg...you get the idea.

But PP is right, it is a control issue. And you really don't want to go there. Ease up and make sure you only have healthy food available, then say nothing.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is helpful and thank you for not flaming me for buying junk food. I had never thought about it being a "control" issue. They do not act out in other ways, so perhaps this is a way of asserting their independence. They do also say eating junk food is a way of "relieving stress" from school, which is sad. They feel so much pressure to be perfect in every area at school that I think it is one area where they feel they can rebel and just do what they think feels good (even though I would think it would make them feel terrible).

I have talked to them until I am blue in the face about nutrition, but they say they are old enough to make their own decisions, and they've weighed the pros and cons and decided they'd rather eat stuff they like than be healthy. They are not fat now but they surely will be. Sadly they only play a spring sport and I can't get them to exercise the rest of the year (that's another battle I'm losing), so the incentive to be fit for competitive reasons is not there.

Would love to hear more ideas of reasonably healthy things you can keep around for big teenage boys. Especially things that take virtually no prep time and/or can be thrown in the car so that I can give them something directly after school. Unfoctunately, sandwiches and fruit have always been available to them and they turn up their noses.

Thanks, all.

Really? Then I'd say they have to earn their money and buy their own crap. If they're also refusing to exercise, you have a huge problem on your hands.