ADOPTION QUESTIONS

[Anonymous]

I'm re-posting this with a different subject name in the hopes that it gets more response. I know there are tons of adoptive parents out there and I'd LOVE to hear from you!

I'm looking for people who have adopted a child to tell me what your experience was and offer any advice you may have about the process. I am just beginning to think about this as a possibility to expand our family. We have a 19-month old DD and would like to have a second child, but it is not easy for us. I know adoption is not easy either, and comes with it's own set of issues and potential heartache. So, if you've adopted a child and have some time, can you please tell me about your experience, where your child came from, how old they were when you got them, how long you had to wait for your child, what agency you used, how much did it cost, and anything else you can think of that would be helpful for me to know. Thanks so much!

[Anonymous]

My son is 19 months old, & we got him when he was 4 weeks old! We went through an agency called Adoptions Together, out of Silver Spring. We could not be happier. The process did not take long at all. I cannot say this is typical, but we applied in July 2006, went through all the paperwork, clearances, etc, & was officially put in the system in Oct. 2006. We got the call about our beautiful son Dec. 2006. So, the process took about 6 months. We adopted domestically.

I would have to say the most nerve-racking part of the process is waiting for parental rights to be terminated. If you're lucky, both birth mom & dad sign away their rights immediately, & they have only 30 days to change their mind. In our case, the birth dad was never there, & we had to wait 4 months for his rights to be waived. I say it's nerve racking because any time during those 4 months, the father could've come back, & taken his son. At this point, I was in love w/my baby. The agency, & most agencies, will assure you that the likelihood of that happening is slim to none, & their track record proves it, but it's always in the back of your mind. They had some great classes for waiting & new parents that are very informative.

I have several friends who have, or in the process of using this agency, & I would tell you, by all means, GO FOR IT!! My son is the best thing that's ever happened to me...GOOD LUCK!!!

[Anonymous]

I have friends who have gone the foster route to adopt in Loudoun County. There are dozens of newborns in Loudoun that need homes.

They got a baby the week they entered into the Foster system and get calls weekly for new babies/children that need homes. Its free. They picked up their son directly from the hospital when he was a few days old.

It of course has its drawbacks, but there is certainly no lack of supply. It took about a year to officially adopt. You don't have to accept every or any babies when the social worker calls you. You can also let the social worker know you are interested in a permanant home and they will be able to guide you to the children that they think the parents will be giving up rights. Sadly, some of these biological mothers are in the system all the time; time and time again are leaving their babies at the hospital, so the social workers have an idea of who gives over parental rights on a frequent basis.

You might want to go to some of the foster seminars the various counties put on and just look into that option. After talking to my friend about all of the children who need homes it makes me really sad to see the slim participation of members of our community. I live in the land of McMansions and it really saddens me to see all these homes with 4-5 empty bedrooms when there are children in our community in such dire situations just needing a stable home and some love. Once I get to a place where I don't have to work, we will be looking into Foster to adopt.

[Anonymous]

A Federal resource you might find useful:
http://www.adoptuskids.org/

[Anonymous]

If you're thinking about international adoptions, which can be wonderful as well, you should know that several countries that have been popular in the past are fairly difficult now. Guatemala, for example, is in limbo while its government sorts out some issues with baby-buying, etc., and I understand from friends who've been trying to adopt from China that that process has slowed to a crawl (perhaps because all resources have been going to the Olympics). I know from reading the paper on business trips to Russia that there are some nationalist sentiments developing there regarding foreign adoptions.

I'm certainly no expert -- perhaps others can weigh in. But my general sense is that foreign adoptions are harder than they used to be.

Best of luck.... I hope your baby finds you soon!

[Anonymous]

I just posted to your original thread before I saw this one. I too recommend Adoptions Together. I also adopted domestically. The homestudy paperwork process took about 6 months for me. Once I was in the "pool," I waited another 9 months before being matched with a placement. My son was 2 months old at placement.

I knew several people who had had very good experiences working with this agency which is why I first contacted them. Even if you don't decide to go with them - they have great resources and are a great place to start.

[Anonymous]

I have two adopted children and am waiting the arrival of my third. The first is from Russia, the second domestic and the third will be from Vietnam.

For my first, I started my home study in October 2003 and brought him home in September 2004. He was 29 months when I picked him up. Back then, the process required that you travel to Russia to visit the child for about five days then you could petition to adopt. You would return home and wait for a court date. Then you travel back to Russia for a court hearing on your petition. Following court, there is a ten day period where anyone can challenge the adoption, but back then you could request that it be waived. Now, I understand that it is almost unheard of to have it waived. After the waiting period, you can pick up the child. You can either go home or stay in Russia for those ten days. Once you pick up your child, you have to spend about another week in Russia to get a visa and fulfill the other requirements to bring the child into the US. In 2003-04, the cost was about $35k. Now, given cost increases and the weak dollar, families are saying a minimum of $50k with some spending as much as $70k. I used Adoptions Together for this adoption - which, incidently, I heard last week is not accepting applications for domestic adoption right now, but don't trust my word on this if you are interested in using them.

My second child came through foster care and I didn't really use an agency except for home study. He was 6 years 8 months at placement and has been with me for almost 3 years.

My third child is coming from Vietnam. She is currently 9 months old and I am hoping to pick her up within the next few months. I started this adoption in May of 2007. I could tell you the process, but since VN is now closed to American adoptions, there wouldn't be a point. Nor would my costs be relevant. I am using World Child for this adoption.

I don't really know anything about domestic adoption. But, things that you might want to know about international adoption are these. It takes a long time and, at times, the process is tortorous. Timelines are completely out of your control and bureaucrats in other contries don't necessarily think and function the way we do, which can add to the frustration. The process sometimes changes with no notice, requiring you to do paperwork or causing an unexpected delay. Still, once you get through the process, you practically forget it.

It is crucial that you research your agency - many are not ethical, some will take your money and not deliver any services, some add charges that they never told you about, etc. Also, as someone else eluded to, research your country and before you invest your time, emotions and money, be sure that the political climate supports international adoption. Most of all, since the process can be years depending on the country you choose, start early.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Anonymous]

I'm the 13:43 poster. I forgot to mention when we used Adoptions Together in 2006, IF you live in DC, which we do, there is a flat fee of $7,500 for the adoption process. Of course, we had separate attorney fees, etc. But, this was AWESOME compared to MD & VA, where you pay based on your salary. In DC, it's $7,500 no matter how much you make. We spent a max of $15,000 for the whole thing...

[Anonymous]

We have three children all adopted from Russia. We adopted our first 2 in 2002 and they were 8 mos and 15 mos old. Our 3rd child came home in March 2006. At that time, in early 2002, it was still a one trip process and we completed our trip in 9 days. We had started the paperwork in July and traveled in January. It was all very fast. Fast forward 3 years later when we started the paperwork process again and it took almost 1.5 years for a referral, we had to make 2 trips and we stayed a total of 24 days in Russia (both trips). It is taking longer to adopt from Russia and I have heard some couples are evening making 3 trips there. There is a lot of paperwork and there always seemed to be something changing. We used a large well known agency and we were very happy with them--especially the adoption team in Russia. I agree with the 21:12 poster...all the waiting, bureaucratic red tape, changes in paperwork, etc can be excruciating but you totally forget it once you have the children home. Our three children have been relatively healthy and have only had speech issues (2 of them). They are all beautiful and loving children. They each continue to amaze us and we are so blessed to have them in our lives. It's all so worth it!

[Anonymous]

OP, before going overseas, don't forget the kids here. Mostly African American and Hispanic and just as good as any from Russia or China.

[Anonymous]

If you're Caucasian, and want to adopt a Caucasian newborn, don't buy into the myth that it can't be done domestically. It certainly can be. And don't think you have to apologize for wanting to adopt a baby who looks like you and your family.

Expand your search to other states outside the DC area - the midwest, the south. If you adopt in another state, you'll eventually have to deal with the Interstate Compact, and you may have to stay in that state for a week or two after placement, but that can be preferable to having to bribe your way around Kazakhstan for two months.

Here are some of the perils of domestic adoption: fall-throughs (when the birth mother changes her mind - it's brutal, and you could lose lots of cash, but it's always a risk) and drug use by birth mothers (research the difference between drug-exposed and drug-addicted so you'll be able to make an informed decision when it counts).

You might want to check out the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Some of the members facilitate actual placements, while others just do the legal work surrounding the adoption. Their knowledge and experience can't be beat. Some of the adoption attorneys around this area offer a free initial consultation. It's worth it.

[Anonymous]

Likewise, if you decide on international adoption, don't let people make you feel bad about that choice either. Children are children and one is not any more deserving than another simply because he or she was born in America.

As for the comment by a PP about bribing your way across Kazakhstan, that is an ingnorant and hurtful comment. Just as in America, you pay for the services people provide to facilitate your adoption.

[Anonymous]

Wrong. Bribery is an unfortunate fact of life in many countries, including some that allow international adoptions.

[Anonymous]

Rather than tell you some of our family's saga, I thought it might be helpful to offer information that can help you get a better handle on what's involved and help to begin/navigate the process.

A FIRST major issue is whether you want to adopt domestically or internationally. Although you still have the same basic home study and clearance and fingerprinting etc, there are some different concerns. Also, different agencies focus on domestic and international (although many do both).

A second issue is to have a sense of your budget. It can cost almost 40K just for fees with pricey agencies and some independent placement types. There is not a clear pattern as to costs. A PP mentioned foster care as a path, and that is less costly - I explored the foster care system but could not determine how to navigate that.

If you are adopting domestically, please know that adoption is governed by state law and every state's law is different as to when the birthparents sign to terminate their rights and how long it will take to finalize. Another MAJOR issue to think about domestically is whether you want an open or closed adoption. These days adoption professionals push for open adoptions and some agencies will not work with you if you refuse to have contact with the birthparents.

Here is a helpful US government website that can lead you to agencies across the country and much other helpful information. http://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Speak with an attorney - members of the adoption bar can offer excellent advice. Try Peter Wiernicki in Rockville.

Best of luck!