11YO DD refuses to use TP when she pees

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. I taught her since the age of 2 to use toilet paper every time she goes. I helped her with wiping until she was almost 5. I don't get what the big deal is on her part. She has her own bathroom attached to her bedroom...when I turn off the light for bedtime or after she's left for school, there is a potty full of yellow pee. She doesn't use toilet paper and she doesn't flush and I'm so disgusted!!! Where did I go wrong?

anyone else have a pre-teen DD that refuses to wipe? When will she become more concerned for her own personal hygiene?

YUCK!!!

[Anonymous]

A potty? You call a toilet a potty with an 11 yr old?

I guess she drips dry and conserves water...if its yellow, let it mellow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A potty? You call a toilet a potty with an 11 yr old?

I guess she drips dry and conserves water...if its yellow, let it mellow.

In a post where the word "potty" showed up once, that's all you got? Why did you bother to post a response other than to be snarky.

[Anonymous]

I'm right there with you sister! I've found our 12 yo DD to be pretty disgusting during this age too but she does wipe, just no flushing, clothes everywhere, hates showers - really lazy at home but hardworking with school and activities. We do have her do chores, clean room periodically etc. but it's not an easy phase, especially with the dramatic sighs as well.

Have you asked her why? Is it because she'd prefer wet wipes, softer TP? Is she just trying to annoy you? Believe me, once she gets Aunt Flo she will have to resort to TP!

[Anonymous]

OP, tell DD that it's common courtesy to flush after going to the bathroom and that no one else wants to see her urine. Also remind her that wiping helps prevent odor and keeps her underwear clean, so she should start to make it a habit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A potty? You call a toilet a potty with an 11 yr old?

I guess she drips dry and conserves water...if its yellow, let it mellow.

With low flow toilets the reason not to flush has become moot. Also, if you have younger kids, potty is pretty much what you call it.

OP, your kid probably picked this up somewhere that she's being environmentally conscious. Definitely ask her for details if this is it, buy recycled TP and let her know it's okay to flush.

Double check if she's not wiping b/c she's chapped down there. If it is, it probably hurts so she doesn't wipe, but keeping it wet w/pee won't help. (Vasoline or desitin type of product will.)

[Anonymous]

They are all disgusting at that age.

[Anonymous]

OP I have had this problem with my now 8 YO. I was quite adamant with her that it is unacceptable. I told her that if I caught her not wiping, there would be unnamed consequences (loss of priveleges etc.). I let her see that I was really upset about this. I don't want her to be that smelly kid in school! Strangely she loves showers however; she'll stay in there for an hour if I don't make her get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I have had this problem with my now 8 YO. I was quite adamant with her that it is unacceptable. I told her that if I caught her not wiping, there would be unnamed consequences (loss of priveleges etc.). I let her see that I was really upset about this. I don't want her to be that smelly kid in school! Strangely she loves showers however; she'll stay in there for an hour if I don't make her get out.

Yup...those are the things I say as well. You mention that your DD loves showers....mine does too. I can't get her into one but twice per week, but when she does get in, she takes f o r e v e r !! DH and I have been on her for 2 years about all this and she still fails to comply. She also gives us heartache about using deoderant. she IS that stinky kid in school and it breaks my heart that this will probably affect her socially. She is a redshirted september baby, so she is almost a year older than some of her peers. I can only hope that by the time THEY hit her stage, she has started her period and cleaned up her act. That is my hope!!!

[Anonymous]

Just wait until the first boyfriend. Everything changes when it comes to hygiene. But, speaking of toilet paper, my 4 year old refuses. She thinks that if she doesn't wipe herself, she doesn't have to wash her hands after going to the bathroom. Well, I should say, thought. I've corrected this misunderstanding on her part.

[Anonymous]

One of the PPs mentioned TP being painful. This may be the case. Clearly she doesn't mind the damp feeling, so you have another option. In the diaper aisle, near the Pull-Ups (I think) are flushable wet wipes for kids to use as TP. More gentle than dry TP, I think they may have lanolin in them or something, and they have a fresh (but not quite baby) scent. It would solve a couple of your problems if you could get her to use them. Also tell her that if she doesn't make sure she stays really clean she'll smell, but she could also get really itchy and that would be uncomfortable. That might help. GL!

[Anonymous]

Maybe she has some fear or other issue. I had a babysitter tell me if I touched myself I would go to hell when I was like 7 and it scared the hell out of me. Is it possible that she has some other piece of misinformation?

[Anonymous]

You could also tell her you are posting about the problem, it may embarrass her enough to wipe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could also tell her you are posting about the problem, it may embarrass her enough to wipe.

Nope...didn't work. Any other brilliant suggestions?

[Anonymous]

You're all going to think I'm nuts -- but there may be something organic to this. She may have a pelvic floor disorder, interstitial cystitis, or another disorder connected to the bladder and/or the pelvic region. She may also be ultra-sensitive to touch.

First, how frequently is she peeing? Second, is she showing any other signs of an unusual organic (body) disorder -- like does she over-react to being touched, resist having her hair brushed, etc.,? Has she gotten her period yet (and if so, how's her disposition during that time)? I would honestly think through these questions and then take her to a really good, thorough, pediatrician (who has some experience with urology and/or sensory integration disorders, which is entirely different but is the only other thing I can think of that might manifest in this behavior).

I know this sounds crazy, but I have a bunch of disorders that are urological/gynecological in nature and while I do wipe after going to the bathroom, it often truly hurts and is uncomfortable and with interstitial cystitis (which can have you going 40-60 times a day), you can also get irritation from wiping.

I understand she may just be rebelling, she may just be lazy, she may just be a bunch of things - but while I never did what she's doing, I did a whole bunch of other things that (in retrospect) signaled the disorders that were diagnosed when I was TTC and all kinds of workups and diagnoses occurred.

OP, I really hope it's just attitudinal and adolescent -- don't mean to scare you, but also want to introduce at least some question that she may be doing this for a different reason. . . .